You have a boss who’s always undermining you. How can you assert yourself without getting fired?

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Having a boss who’s always undermining you can be frustrating, demoralizing, and stressful. You may feel like you can’t do anything right, or that your boss doesn’t appreciate your work or value your contributions. But you don’t have to put up with this kind of behavior, or let it affect your performance or career. You can assert yourself without getting fired, by following these six steps.

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Patty Franco, CPC

Executive Leadership Coach at Patty Franco Coaching and Vice President at Learning Dynamics

1 Identify the problem

The first step is to identify the specific ways that your boss is undermining you. For example, does your boss micromanage you, criticize you unfairly, take credit for your work, exclude you from important decisions, or sabotage your projects? Write down the instances when your boss has done these things, and how they made you feel. This will help you to clarify the problem, and to have evidence to back up your claims.

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Hemangi Subramaniam

Co-Founder of 2 Businesses | Two Cents Marketing and Branding Services - Collective 7+ years of experience ||| NLP Life Coach- Empowered 3000+ Individuals on Personal Empowerment
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We do not have the power to control or change other person. Just our Behaviour towards them. Be authentic self - check if your way of working is aligned with the expectation of the boss and it is further aligned with your belief system. Put your efforts smartly as required. At the end of the day, every boss needs a performing employee. As their success is dependent on it.

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2 Analyze the situation

The next step is to analyze the situation, and try to understand why your boss is undermining you. Is it because of a personality clash, a lack of trust, a power struggle, a competitive threat, or a personal issue? Does your boss undermine everyone, or only you? How does your boss’s behavior affect the team, the organization, and the customers? By analyzing the situation, you can gain some perspective, and avoid taking things personally.

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3 Choose your battles

The third step is to choose your battles, and decide which issues are worth addressing, and which ones are not. You don’t want to confront your boss over every little thing, or risk escalating the conflict. You also don’t want to ignore the serious issues, or let them affect your work quality or morale. You want to focus on the issues that have a significant impact on your goals, your reputation, your relationships, and your well-being.

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4 Communicate assertively

The fourth step is to communicate assertively, and express your concerns and needs to your boss in a respectful and professional manner. You want to avoid being passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive, and instead use a calm and confident tone. You want to use “I” statements, and avoid blaming or accusing your boss. You want to state the facts, and explain how your boss’s behavior affects you and your work. You want to propose solutions, and ask for your boss’s input and feedback.

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Patty Franco, CPC

Executive Leadership Coach at Patty Franco Coaching and Vice President at Learning Dynamics
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I have found the use of the following sentence to be extremely effective in disarming a person and lowering their defenses when you want or need to give them some candid feedback: "I want to have a candid conversation with you and share some feedback and my hope is that you will hear it in the spirit in which it is intended." This shows that you are going out on a limb here, you are not trying to attack the person, and you counting on them to manage their reactions. When you bring your best effort and intention others can feel that energy and are more likely to listen actively.

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Harpreet Kapoor

Transforming Insights Into Impactful Strategies
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Well, unlike previous times, these days we have a right to reach out to people who can help us. Make sure you connect with your manager first and if that's not helping reach out to the skip manager or some seniors you trust. Share your side and make sure you are defining your thoughts instead of mere complaining. Be vocal but with respect. You are an equal contributor to the organisation as your manager is. We all eventually work for one goal. This needs to be understood well by people(managers) who think being bossy is the way out. No, it isn't! You rather demotivate a lot of people with that behaviour of yours and then start complaining about their productivity.

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5 Seek support

The fifth step is to seek support, and reach out to other people who can help you deal with your boss’s undermining behavior. You may want to talk to a trusted colleague, a mentor, a coach, or a counselor, and get their advice and perspective. You may also want to consult with your human resources department, or a higher-level manager, and report your boss’s behavior if it violates any policies or laws. You don’t have to deal with this problem alone, or suffer in silence.

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6 Plan your next move

The sixth step is to plan your next move, and decide what you want to do if your boss doesn’t change his or her behavior, or if the situation worsens. You may want to look for opportunities to transfer to another team, department, or project, where you can work with a more supportive and respectful boss. You may also want to update your resume, and explore other career options, where you can showcase your skills and talents. You don’t have to stay in a toxic work environment, or compromise your values or goals.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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You have a boss who’s always undermining you. How can you assert yourself without getting fired?

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1 Identify the problem

2 Analyze the situation

3 Choose your battles

4 Communicate assertively

5 Seek support

6 Plan your next move

7 Here’s what else to consider

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