Coaching someone you know personally can be rewarding, but also challenging. You may have a deeper understanding of their goals, values, and personality, but you may also face some ethical dilemmas, emotional biases, and boundary issues. How can you coach your friend, family member, or colleague effectively and ethically? Here are some tips to help you.
Before you start coaching someone you know, make sure you both agree on the purpose, scope, and duration of the coaching relationship. Clarify your roles and responsibilities as a coach and a coachee, and set some ground rules for communication, confidentiality, and feedback. Discuss how you will handle any potential conflicts of interest, such as personal favors, financial transactions, or professional competition. Be honest about your limitations and qualifications as a coach, and refer your coachee to other resources if needed.
Coaching someone you know can blur the lines between your personal and professional relationships. To avoid confusion and resentment, you need to maintain some boundaries and respect your coachee's autonomy and privacy. Don't assume you know what's best for them, or impose your own opinions, values, or agenda. Don't use your coaching sessions as an opportunity to vent, gossip, or complain about other people. Don't mix coaching with socializing, or expect your coachee to reciprocate your coaching services. And don't let your coaching interfere with your other roles and commitments in your personal or professional life.
I find that it’s important to have an agreement, as in that space you leave the relationship space and enter the coach - coachee space. Hence the coach’s preconceived notions and relationship familiarity is kept a bit at bay and the gentle coach coachee relationship resumes. This holds the space for the coach to ask relevant thought provoking questions and invites the coachee to come into awareness of the answer.
One of the benefits of coaching someone you know is that you can leverage your existing rapport and trust. However, one of the risks is that you may lose your objectivity and become too emotionally involved. To avoid this, you need to be aware of your own biases, assumptions, and expectations, and challenge them if necessary. You also need to be mindful of your coachee's emotions, and avoid being too harsh, judgmental, or sympathetic. Your role as a coach is to help your coachee find their own solutions, not to solve their problems for them. Be supportive, but also constructive and honest.
Using industry based verifiable tools helps both the coach and coachee to focus around strengths and possibilities rather than stories and circumstances
Coaching someone you know can be a great learning opportunity for both of you. You can gain new insights, perspectives, and skills, and help your coachee do the same. However, you also need to be open to feedback, criticism, and change. Don't let your familiarity or comfort level prevent you from challenging yourself and your coachee to grow and improve. Seek feedback from your coachee, as well as from other coaches or mentors, and use it to enhance your coaching practice. And don't forget to celebrate your achievements and successes together.
Coaching someone you know is not meant to be a permanent or exclusive arrangement. You need to know when to end or refer your coachee to another coach or professional, depending on their needs and goals. Ending or referring your coachee can be difficult, especially if you have a close personal relationship. However, it can also be beneficial for both of you, as it can prevent dependency, stagnation, or conflict. To end or refer your coachee gracefully, you need to communicate clearly, respectfully, and positively. Explain your reasons, acknowledge your coachee's progress, and express your appreciation and support.
One thing that I have found to be important when dealing with family and friends - is that you should never offer your services. You should only engage in a coaching relationship if the person specifically asks you to take him/her as a client. Just because someone is asking for help, doesn’t mean that they necessarily want your help. Many times it is healthier for your relationship to refer them to someone else. However, once you engage them in the client relationship, you need to charge your expected rate & maintain the same level (if not higher level) of confidentiality that you would any one else. Coaching a loved one is extremely rewarding, yet fraught with challenges not faced with other clients. Caveat Emptor