What are some ways to help your mentee set boundaries between work and personal life?

I start by asking - What and whom are you working for? Pat comes the reply that it's their family. Then I ask will the organization's work stop if you are not working. The answer is NO. So every job is replaceable in short or long run. It's the family who will provide the emotional support stand by you during your rough times. So it is important to spend quality time with your family and make them feel important (work-life balance). Then comes your career and aspirations - a happy employee's efficiency and contribution is much higher than a slogging ( on the verge of getting burnt-out) employee. Hence we need to define our professional and personal priorities judiciously for a win-win situation.

Sometimes it’s driven by a fear that setting boundaries will impact their career or a fear of saying no. It helps to ask a mentee if they know anyone successful in their workplace who is good at setting boundaries. They usually do, so I ask whether colleagues think less of the person because of it. Once they think about that, they realise it might actually be ok to do the same. In fact it might increase their gravitas. And a completely within their gift to make it happen. It can also help for them to practice saying no in a nice way to you. Once you’ve said the words a few times out loud, it’s a bit less scary. Then they can try it out in a real situation and see how it feels.

Priorities are not only about things that need to be done but also about things that we can live without. Understanding what has value for me and the company can help me set a balanced boundary. We only have limited time and resources, if we "waste" them all on work, there is not much left for the family, sports, leisure, books... Make sure you are clear with yourself on what is important. Disclaimer: there will be people unhappy with your set of priorities. And that is OK.

The foremost thing is to have a well defined schedule of work ,with timeline. The mentor needs to emphasize repeatedly on the need to have a similar schedule for personal/family life. Personal life has to be prioritised in the same way as private life.

I recently learnt about a tool called the hippo woman . One starts by drawing an image which reflects the time spent on the pillars in their lives in the ff categories family, friends, work, social and religious events etc. essentially the image has to be a balanced one if it’s skewed towards one area such as work one will need to assess the option available to ensure they are not spending more time on one pillar to the detriment to the other. I believe one has to understand their values and priorities in life and ensure they stay professional at work whilst finding time for wellness family and friends. Each of these pillars have a place in our lives and there are consequences when we spend too much time on either of them.

It is imperative, especially early in one's career, on the power of the word "no." There is no need to provide weak and unnecessary excuses. Be kind and polite in your communication but stay firm and if it's not a "heck yes" then it's a "no."

In the current world of working where we can be more flexible with our time there is an assumption that this means we are always "on" to. One of the biggest lessons that I have taken away on setting and communicating boundaries is never apologising for them, and becoming comfortable in not justifying them for external validation.

An important element of this is developing the discipline to push back and say no once these boundaries are set. It does take courage and confidence - as the mentee may feel that they may be judged differently or may be impacted in some way because of this. This is something that the mentor can help the mentee address in terms of self-limiting beliefs.

Most people don't know that saying 'no' is an options. However, when they see others doing it, they are more likely to model the behavior and accept that it is okay to place boundaries. Here, mentors need to help them place boundaries in a way where they are still keeping the door open for conversation, opportunity, and collaboration. Teach them on how they can overcome resistance or help avoid any misunderstandings that may happen in case the person they are placing a boundary for takes things the wrong way. Be available for them as they navigate this confusing time.

There's a book Agreements vs Expectation. Just be clear in those. For yourself first. There are of course rules. Based on company values and your values, vs prohibited behavior, such as toxicity.

According to me this is the most paramount as we have definite energy (according to law of conservation of energy) and time so we need to follow few effective time management strategies using Eisenhower matrix(my personal favourite).

Especially for someone starting out, I've noticed people try to do everything, and take every opportunity, that comes their way in an attempt to get the most out of their skills. As mentors, it's important to guide mentees on the importance of being selective. Encourage them to prioritise, or even reject. Also encourage them to follow their passions. For example, if there is someone who enjoys stand up comedy or poetry, encourage them to participate in open mics in their city. You don't have to chase every opportunity. The right opportunity will come your way.

A very effective way to do this is to lead by example and share with them how you go about managing your time and energy (especially if you are concerned that your mentee is overdoing it). Share with them how managing your time and energy has meant not just your work but other aspects of your life have benefited from this. You can also sit together with them and discuss what their priorities are and if the current reality doesn't reflect those priorities , what can be done to address that.

Plan. Plan whole day. Write your meetings/big things to do - in default Calendar app. Write reminders. Free your mind. That's and easy and obvious ways to be productive

Our boundaries fluctuate. What was okay once, may not be okay for us now. and vice versa. A great thing to do is create a list of boundaries and goals, and then ask the mentee to review them periodically and see if they need to change anything. Be their guide through this.

Reflection. I recommend using Stoic app and allow yourself to write daily plans + reflections at the night. That's a habit building to more conscious every-day life.

Mentees learn by watching their mentors. So be the right model. Show how you have been placing your boundaries. For example, if you try to not take work calls or messages after 9pm, ensure that you don't respond to the mentee or anyone they might more after that time as well. Through viewing is how they will learn how they can set their own boundaries too.

The best way which have helped me personally is to learn to say "no" in a formal and yet polite way for example, one can use the framework to include the following: show gratitude first then be apologitic and always end with an alternative solution. for example you may say: "Thanks for considering me for XYZ task but i would not be able to take the task at this time due to my currently commintments but certainly i will prioritise it once i m done with my ongoing task."

When you really living your values - you set your boundaries naturally, it is very easy. But if you want to grow more - there's a framework to model best of the best while revisiting your limiting beliefs.

Helping your mentee set boundaries between work and personal life is key for maintaining their well-being and preventing burnout. - As a mentor, advise your mentee to establish clear working hours and encourage them to stick to these hours as closely as possible to avoid overworking. - Suggest that they turn off work-related notifications during personal time or use "Do Not Disturb" modes to avoid distractions. - Help your mentee practice saying "no" when they need to decline additional work or commitments that may encroach on their personal time.

Substitution/reciprocation. While in the role, it's hard to dissociate and draw very rational boundaries with intrinsic motivation. But when the mentee is asked to help define boundaries for specific instances faced by the mentor or one of their friends, they're able to unlock more of the right thought process around it. Having given advice, there's a certain amount of dissonance created when one doesn't follow it - this helps drive change or bring greater clarity on why they're choosing a specific point in the work-life balance scale.