What are some common mistakes that coaches make when dealing with conflict situations?
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One of the most common mistakes that coaches make when dealing with conflict situations is taking sides or favoring one party over another. This can undermine your credibility, trust, and impartiality as a coach, and create more resentment and resistance among the conflicting parties. Taking sides can also prevent you from seeing the bigger picture and the underlying causes of the conflict. To avoid this mistake, you need to maintain a neutral and balanced stance as a coach, and focus on the interests and needs of both parties, rather than their positions and opinions. You also need to acknowledge and respect the emotions and perspectives of both parties, without judging or blaming them.
Another common mistake that coaches make when dealing with conflict situations is avoiding or ignoring the conflict, hoping that it will go away or resolve itself. This can be tempting, especially if you feel uncomfortable or unprepared to deal with the conflict, or if you think that the conflict is not relevant or important for your coaching goals. However, avoiding or ignoring the conflict can make it worse, as it can escalate the tension, misunderstanding, and distrust among the conflicting parties. It can also damage your reputation and relationship as a coach, as you may be seen as indifferent, incompetent, or irresponsible. To avoid this mistake, you need to acknowledge and address the conflict as soon as possible, and show your willingness and commitment to help the parties find a constructive and mutually beneficial solution.
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Sometimes our role is not to resolve the conflict directly, but rather coach the team leader to deal with it effectively. This helps build the team leaders capabilities to deal with conflicts going forward.
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I agree that it's important to recognize the conflict and not ignore it. The client needs to know that they are heard. I don't believe it's our job to fix everything. I feel we provide more when we can guide and offer resources to help the parties involved find the best solution. It's also important not to take on a role that is outside of our expertise.
Another common mistake that coaches make when dealing with conflict situations is imposing or suggesting a solution, without involving or consulting the conflicting parties. This can be tempting, especially if you think that you have the expertise, experience, or authority to solve the conflict, or if you want to save time and energy. However, imposing or suggesting a solution can backfire, as it can undermine the autonomy, ownership, and motivation of the conflicting parties. It can also create more resistance and resentment, as the parties may feel disrespected, disregarded, or coerced. To avoid this mistake, you need to facilitate and support the conflict resolution process, rather than direct or control it. You need to ask open-ended and probing questions, listen actively and empathically, and help the parties generate and evaluate their own options and solutions.
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If a coach imposes solutions then they are no longer coaching! A good coach should never do this! Such an intervention does not help grow and develop the parties involved.
Another common mistake that coaches make when dealing with conflict situations is focusing on the problem, not the solution. This can happen, especially if you get caught up in the details, facts, and arguments of the conflict, or if you want to analyze and understand the problem thoroughly. However, focusing on the problem, not the solution, can prolong and intensify the conflict, as it can reinforce the negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviors of the conflicting parties. It can also distract and discourage them from finding a positive and creative way forward. To avoid this mistake, you need to shift your focus and attention from the problem to the solution, as soon as possible. You need to help the parties identify and articulate their desired outcomes, goals, and criteria for the conflict resolution, and encourage them to explore and experiment with different possibilities and alternatives.
Another common mistake that coaches make when dealing with conflict situations is forgetting to follow up with the conflicting parties after the conflict resolution. This can happen, especially if you are busy, distracted, or satisfied with the outcome of the conflict resolution. However, forgetting to follow up can jeopardize the sustainability and effectiveness of the conflict resolution, as it can leave the parties without feedback, support, or accountability. It can also create a gap or disconnect between your coaching sessions and the real-life situations of the parties. To avoid this mistake, you need to follow up with the parties regularly and consistently after the conflict resolution. You need to check in with them on their progress, challenges, and learnings, and provide them with recognition, guidance, and resources. You also need to review and revise the conflict resolution plan as needed, and celebrate and reinforce the positive changes and results.
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In most cases we will as coaches only be working with one of the parties, in which case staying objective when you only get one side of the story is critical. Trying to help the client to see the other party’s perspective, not assuming they know the other person’s intentions and recognising their own role in this will be important. Then we can help develop the client to deal more effectively with this and other conflict situations going forward recognising that the particular conflict situation they have brought to the coaching session is often only a symptom of a development area.
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