What are some of the best practices or tips for conflict resolution coaching?
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As a coach, your role is not to solve the conflict for your client, but to support them in finding their own solutions. You are not a mediator, arbitrator, or therapist, and you should not take sides, give advice, or impose your opinions. Instead, you should focus on facilitating the client's learning, empowerment, and self-awareness. You should also clarify the scope, expectations, and boundaries of your coaching relationship with your client, and respect their confidentiality and autonomy.
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An example I like to use is that of a baseball coach. They have knowledge and expertise, but they aren’t the one playing the game. But their role is invaluable to a successful outcome. A coach is there for the hard times when one isn’t sure the path forward and there’s a need to decide what to do next when the player is standing on first base. There are clear boundaries between the player and the coach and ultimately it is the player that puts things into action.
Communication is key to any successful coaching process, especially in conflict resolution. You should use active listening, open-ended questions, paraphrasing, summarizing, and empathizing to understand your client's perspective, needs, and emotions. You should also use assertive, respectful, and non-judgmental language to express your observations, feedback, and suggestions. You should avoid interrupting, criticizing, or blaming your client, and instead acknowledge their strengths and achievements.
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One of the most effective skills in addressing conflict is the ability to listen. As a conflict coach I also want to make a point that not all conflict is resolvable. often times individuals just want to be heard and have an opportunity to voice their concerns. In communication and the art of listening is to listen to evaluate and not to judge. To clear one's minds of negative and biases thoughts in order to hear and be heard. Three step process: 1. Prepare yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally for the interaction. Which means to remove all distractions. 2. Listen to what the person is not saying. What is it they are repeating. 3. Ask "what" and "how" question. 4. "Bonus" Don't take ownership of someone else's stuff, accountable.
Conflict resolution coaching is not a one-size-fits-all approach, and you should tailor your coaching style and methods to suit your client's situation, personality, and goals. However, you can also benefit from using some proven models and tools to guide your coaching process and help your client analyze and resolve their conflict. For example, you can use the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) to assess your client's preferred conflict style and explore alternative options. You can also use the Interest-Based Relational Approach (IBR) to help your client identify and address the underlying interests and needs of the parties involved in the conflict.
One of the main objectives of conflict resolution coaching is to help your client develop their conflict competence and confidence. To achieve this, you should encourage your client to reflect on their conflict situation, their behaviors, their assumptions, and their emotions. You should also help them identify their goals, options, and resources, and support them in creating and implementing an action plan. You should also monitor their progress, celebrate their successes, and provide constructive feedback.
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It’s much like implementing any change within an organization. What do you want to achieve? Implement it and evaluate if it worked. Adjust if necessary and celebrate when you accomplish it. As a conflict coach, you’re there to help assess the goals and the actual conflict. Sometimes that’s the hardest part. You’re there to help them identify as many options and opportunities as possible and then support them through that decision process and implantation process. It’s not a one and done.
Conflict resolution coaching can be challenging and stressful for both you and your client. Therefore, it is important to promote a positive mindset that fosters learning, growth, and collaboration. You should help your client see the conflict as an opportunity rather than a threat, and to appreciate the benefits of resolving it. You should also help them recognize and overcome their fears, biases, and resistance, and to cultivate a sense of curiosity, openness, and creativity. You should also model a positive attitude yourself, and show enthusiasm, optimism, and resilience.
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Focus on strengths and growth: Emphasize individuals' strengths and abilities, highlighting their capacity to learn and grow from conflicts. Encourage a growth mindset, where setbacks and challenges are seen as opportunities for personal and professional development. Encourage positive self-talk: Help individuals become aware of their self-talk and guide them to replace negative or self-defeating thoughts with positive affirmations and empowering statements. Encourage them to reframe challenges as opportunities and approach conflicts with a can-do attitude.
As a conflict resolution coach, you should always strive to improve your skills and knowledge, and to learn from your experiences. You should seek feedback from your clients, peers, and mentors, and evaluate your strengths and areas for improvement. You should also engage in ongoing professional development, such as reading books and articles, attending workshops and courses, and joining networks and associations related to conflict resolution. You should also practice self-care and maintain a healthy balance between your work and personal life.
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In most situations, conflict resolution can be facilitated with one good conversation. However, many managers allow the conflict to grow over a period of time, instead of dealing with the issue. There is one more element that is rarely discussed, but I’ve seen it play out over and over in the workplace. Traditional conflict, resolution, and conversations transpire, but the two employees simply do not like each other. In that instance, boundaries must be set and clear expectations must be communicated. If the conflict, begins to have a negative impact on progress, there must be repercussions . I am a very positive person and in most instances, I was able to facilitate a resolution; however, there are situations where it is just not possible.
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I think the self care is one of the most important things to remember. If you’re not in a good space, you can’t help others. I’ve learned about mediation and restorative justice besides conflict coaching. A conflict can turn into an issue that needs mediation and it often includes building relationships and repairing harm. Knowing more than just conflict will help you be a better coach in this process.
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