What mistakes should you avoid when de-escalating a situation with a difficult employee?

Realize you cannot please everyone. Understand your management style. Be kind, fair, thoughtful, and consistent. You want individuals to embrace the organization's corporate values. But embrace is not about embracing their own values, it’s about embracing the organization’s vision and values. “Here’s our organization. Here’s where we’re going”. We can disagree, but we must disagree without conflict. Distinguish between loyalty through constructive disagreement, and disloyalty driven by personal motives. Give them a chance to get on board, handle dissenting individuals with respect, and help them exit if necessary. Last, you don’t have to feel guilty about individuals who do not choose to align with your organization.

Holding one's composure during negotiations is not only crucial but also backed by compelling figures and interesting facts. In a study conducted by Harvard Business School, it was found that negotiators who displayed emotional control were able to secure significantly larger concessions from their counterparts, resulting in more advantageous agreements. Furthermore, a study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology revealed that negotiators who maintained their composure were perceived as more competent and trustworthy, leading to higher levels of satisfaction and increased likelihood of future cooperation.

De-escalating employee conflicts requires key strategies: 1. Use active listening and empathy for connection and calming. 2. Focus on solutions rather than problems to avoid blame and defensive reactions. 3. Set and communicate clear behavioral boundaries to build a respectful, trusting culture. 4. Take breaks during heightened tensions for reflection. 5. Seek expert help when needed. 6. Improve your approach with books like "Leaders Eat Last" by Simon Sinek, "Difficult Conversations" by Douglas Stone, and "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves. These methods help manage tough interactions and foster a positive workplace.

De-escalating a situation with a difficult employee is a delicate process that requires careful communication and empathy. Avoiding certain mistakes is crucial to ensure a positive outcome. Here are some common mistakes to avoid: Ignoring the Issue. Losing Your Temper. Blaming and Accusations. Interrupting or Talking Over the Employee. Making Assumptions. Lack of Empathy. Failing to Listen. Inconsistent Messaging. Not Offering Solutions. Neglecting Follow-Up. Failing to Document. By avoiding these mistakes and approaching the situation with a thoughtful and empathetic mindset, you increase the likelihood of successfully de-escalating conflicts with difficult employees.

A mistake managers make when de-escalating a situation is dealing with the symptom and not the root cause of a situation. Then often the same issue re-occurs. Instead of just dealing with the symptoms, dig deeper to understand why the employee was upset. Don’t make assumptions. Use empathy and active listening to have that deeper conversation with the employee. Sometimes it may be better to pause and have this conversation when everyone has first calmed down. What happens often though is that managers involvement stops once things calm down, and they do not take the time, and this extra step of understanding the underlying issues.

The importance of obtaining accurate facts and verifying assumptions cannot be overstated, as it plays a significant role in reducing escalation during negotiations.M. A study conducted by the Journal of Applied Psychology revealed that misunderstandings and false assumptions were major contributors to negotiation breakdowns. Conversely, when parties took the time to gather reliable information and verify assumptions, the likelihood of reaching a mutually beneficial agreement significantly increased. Another fascinating finding comes from a study published in the Harvard Negotiation Law Review, which showed that negotiators who engaged in fact-checking exercises experienced fewer conflicts and achieved more positive outcomes. M

Prejudice and biases can disrupt communication. To prevent this, apply these techniques: 1. Ask Open, Empowering Questions: Let others freely articulate their views, sparking richer dialogues. 2. Practice Active Listening and Patience: Demonstrate real interest in comprehending others' points of view by interpreting words and underlying emotions. 3. Clarify and Confirm Understanding: Use clarifying questions to ensure proper understanding and sidestep misinterpretations from assumptions. 4. Adopt a Non-Judgmental Stance: Engage in discussions with an open mind, free from snap judgments colored by personal biases. 5. Self-Reflect: Consider how personal biases may influence the exchange, aiming for a more objective and empathetic approach.

It’s important to suspend judgement when dealing with an individual that is expressing discomfort or a different opinion from their manager’s. Unfortunately, there’re managers that think they are always right and that other people’s opinions are irrelevant as they differ from their own. If a manager becomes defensive or, even worse, they start accusing the individual that is expressing their feeling, it’s a recipe for disaster. It shows lack of interest, empathy and most of all that the manager believes that the employee is wrong, without even listening to the reasons for the other person’s feeling. Sometimes managers are promoted into their position without having the people skills to deal with disagreements in a constructive way.

I agree with this statement. By applying basic psychological principles about human behavior and learning related techniques, managers can become more effective and less distressed when others are exhibiting defensive behavior. In general, thinking is clearer and we behave more rationally when we are calm.

In my experience, making assumptions is top two of the reasons that could demotivate an employee and worsen a situation. We usually tend to hope we get someone who listens without judgment when things get worse or even in good times. What I found a good way to turn around the situation is to ask open ended questions and validate by asking questions of such: “let me make sure I understand..”, “so put it differently you’re trying to tell me … is that correct?” ,

People aren’t difficult but their circumstances & attitudes can complicate a delicate situation. Defusing such a difficult situation at work is important while creating a positive outcome for both. The following does help in my experience: 1. Focus on the specific problem and discuss the probable root cause. 2. Don’t fix the blame with an “why does it only happen with you?”. The employee despite his/her temperament is already unhappy and such statements only add angst to anxiety. 3. Focus on the concern as “it” and possible solution steps with a supportive attitude for immediate resolution and offering to work together for future avoidance 4. People aren’t the problem, situations are. Getting this perspective right always helps.

First, relax. Calm always trumps anger. Listen more than talk. Let them talk. The more they talk, the less they escalate. Finally, ask them to move to a different location to discuss in private. The more they walk, they better the de-escalation.

Do not create an aggravated situation through accusatory behavior. Demonstrate your neutral position and give ample opportunity to make his/her case. Accusatory behavior will make the otherside go berserk creating an unwanted situation. Show your neutrality and the willingness to help him/her better his prospects with the company. This will make the ice melt and make the otherside open up with his/her story. Do not use any foul language making you the accuser. The environment should be set for support and mentoring for a better outcome.

When de-escalating a situation with a difficult employee, you should also avoid being defensive or accusatory, as this can make the employee feel attacked, criticized, or judged. This can trigger a negative emotional response, such as anger, resentment, or resistance. Instead of defending your position or accusing the employee of wrongdoing, try to focus on the facts and the behavior, not the person or the intention. Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements, and express your expectations and needs clearly and respectfully.

It may exacerbate the problem. If the problem is not resolved, it may get worse over time. The employee may become more aggressive or frustrated, which may lead to more poor behavior. It may affect other employees or customers. If the problem escalates, it may affect other employees or customers. They may feel uncomfortable, insecure, or disrespected. It may expose you to liability. If the problem escalates and causes harm to employees, customers, or the company, you may be held liable.

This passive aggressive behaviour shows the the senior manager’s inability to deal with challenges in an adult and grown up way. Ghosting individuals that disagree with them, ignoring them and pretending that the problem does not exist makes the matter worse. It can lead to an escalation of the problem. Executive managers should be the leaders of an organisation and their inability to deal with disagreement in a fair, constructive and mature way shows also their unsuitability to do their job. A company that promotes people like this in the most senior roles is usually doomed: it sets a bad example, best employees leave the organisation and word starts to go around that working for manager X and company Y is bad for someone’s career.

Make sure to address the issue without any accusatory or derogatory situations. Start the conversation with the positives and make the other side at ease before you delve into the real issue at stake. Make sure to offer a drink or go out altogether for a lunch discussion. This will preempt a positive environment for a friutful discussion. Show performance enhancements, awards, promotions as your carrot for him/her to look forward to. Be gentle and personal to break the ice. Do not make any prematured judgments or accusations. Slowly flow into the subject after Breaking the ice. Keep smiling and be calm at all times. Get to the point and entice him with a conversation as a mentor rather than a boss.

Avoiding conflicts can indeed lead to more significant issues down the line. Proactive resolution is key. Consider implementing a "resolution zone" in your management approach—a dedicated time each week or month to address and discuss potential conflicts. This scheduled, proactive engagement allows for timely intervention, creating a culture where challenges are acknowledged promptly and resolved constructively. It fosters an environment where employees feel heard and supported, contributing to a healthier workplace dynamic.

As a seasoned product manager, it's crucial to avoid reacting impulsively or emotionally when escalating a situation with a difficult employee. Instead, I prioritize gathering relevant information, communicating professionally, and avoiding assumptions about the employee's intentions. When de-escalating, I steer clear of giving ultimatums or threats and focus on offering choices and consequences while involving the employee in decision-making. This approach maintains respect and fosters collaboration, essential for effectively resolving conflicts and rebuilding trust.

Not listening to and understanding the employee's point of view, so you can relate to his issue and discuss what bothers her or him.

Focus on the behavior, not the person. Instead of saying, "You're always late," you could say, "You're late twice this week." Be firm but fair. Set expectations clearly and be prepared to take action if they are not met. Follow your actions. If you say you're going to do something, make sure you do it. If you follow these tips, you'll be on your way to avoiding giving ultimatums or threats when dealing with a difficult employee.

Giving an ultimatum can be perceived (and often is) as a threat. It’s not the best way to deal with an individual that is already feeling mistreated. Instead, stop and breathe. Take a couple of minutes and don’t rush to say something. People feel the urge to fill in silence, but it’s important to think and ponder. Instead of threatening the person, ask them what they would like to achieve from the meeting and what their proposal is. Don’t rush in a decision: recap the problem, the points made from the other person, their solution. Ask the person if it is OK for you to take a few days to look into it and to come back to them. This’ll give you the chance to look at the issue with a fresh pair of eyes and to answer in a more constructive way.

Looking behind all the niceties, norms, process of engagement, governance, policy issues, etc, overall, most of the time employers win and employees lose. Why because employee has to stand up and fight against the entire system which can be a David vs Goliath battle.

Many situations and beliefs would have led to this situation. In an ideal environment, a continuous feedback/discussion ideally should avoid getting into this scenario but there are also people who despite feedback tend to not look inwards. Continuous feedback and documentation should help and also involving HR so that independent and right guidance also be provided. Clear expectation and outcome with good documentation of the same (though might seem like overhead) does magic in long run. But key is also to be human and keep the element of empathy in any discussion. Being in others shoes definitely helps understand their perspective

Avoid Prejudices and start with a clean slate. Avoiding prejudice, biases and analysing the issues at hand from the zero line is one of the most critical start point of deescalation. We develop a set of opinions either in favor or against the employee. However, we should ensure to analyse the fresh issues with a fresh mind than from pre-conceived opinions. Employee would immediately understand that you are dealing with him fairly for current situation despite his records are not being in his favor. This improves trust level of employee and brings him to a point where he is open to accept any reasonable and rationale dictates from seniors of the organization. Rather, he would turn to be a problem solver than being a source of problem.

One common mistake in diffusing tense situations with difficult employees is overlooking the involvement of HR. As leaders, we might believe we can handle workplace issues alone, yet failing to engage with HR can be detrimental at times. HR partners offer expertise not only in navigating employee relations but also in ensuring compliance with legal frameworks and company policies. There are instances where employee rights and legal considerations come into play, directing the need for an approach that aligns with both the employee's well-being and the company's interests. Collaborating with HR ensures a holistic resolution, integrating the best practices for managing the situation effectively while upholding legal and ethical standards.

As we engage in these negotiations, it is crucial to acknowledge the potential dangers associated with compromising in order to de-escalate the current situation. While the desire for a peaceful resolution is commendable, we must be mindful of the long-term implications of hasty concessions. By compromising on certain key issues, we risk setting a precedent that could undermine our position in future negotiations. Moreover, there is a danger that such concessions may be interpreted as weakness, potentially emboldening the opposing party and encouraging further aggression or unreasonable demands.

It is impossible to think rationally when angry or emotionally charged. The most effective method of de-escalating a situation is to let the other party who is angry speak without interruption or comment other than to encourage them continue venting their frustration. If they pause, nudge them to proceed until they demomstrably have calmed down. Of course you need to accurately recall what you have been told to as to enquire and de-escalate further when you are able to have a rational dialogue.