What are microaggressions and how can you address them in conflict resolution?

For the invisible disability community, we encounter—often unintentional—microaggressions daily. The dirty look from passersbys when I get out of my car, legitimately using my disabled parking permit on a bad pain day. Being told you’re tactical and not strategic because your brain follows your strategic ideas down the line to make sure they’re feasible. Having a waiter roll their eyes at your food allergy request. Leaving us off of emails, meetings, or projects because you don’t want to “overburden us” without checking with us on our bandwidth. Skipping the accessibility checker when sending a doc. Not providing an agenda or turning on closed captions for a meeting. Not inviting the autistic coworker to happy hour or dinner with the team.

As an openly gay man the thing I encounter frequently is the question, 'what does your wife do?' Innocent enough, right? But the knot of anxiety this creates; the sudden need to justify has historically made me want to withdraw. The person never intended to make me feel that way. But unwittingly, they've created a scenario where I now have to explain how I'm different to them and everyone has to feel in some way uncomfortable, spotlit or apologetic. Education around micro-aggression is vital - in schools, at home, in the workplace. And it stems from language - we need to learn and appreciate that the words we use impact people. We are responsible for accurately communicating our own intent, it's no longer valid to claim ignorance!

I've observed micro aggressions in the work place in ways that damages one's self esteem through subtle negative comments. For example being told "you're too passionate" when speaking on diversity, equity & inclusion practices.

Micro aggressions are often built into the cultural norms of an organization. For example, assuming a woman will take notes in meetings (rather than the men) is a cultural indicator of an imbalance of power. Whether conscious or unconscious, raising awareness is a strong first step toward building a psychologically safe place of work where productive conflict management can take place.

When I began my training as a therapist, we watched videos of Carl Rogers demonstrating unconditional positive regard. One of the things the professor said was that Rogerian therapy was not as successful as it could have been because people tried to "do" unconditional positive regard instead of being unconditionally positive in their regard for all people. Being unconditionally positive requires us to ensure that when we are under stress we regulate ourselves so we can choose our body language, our visual behaviour, the tone of our voice, and the words we use. We are always on the lookout for the latest technique we can use to get better at relationships, but in reality it's not about technique, it's about us, how we respond to others.

I encourage individuals to pay attention to the four S's of Emotional Intelligence: Self Awareness = how are you truly feeling? Self Regulation = managing your behaviour. Is it a time to speak up or to be silent and actively listen. Social Awareness = read the room. Look at people's body language - are they avoiding eye contact? Do you see the eye-rolls? How is their posture? Social Regulation = Now is the time to be an ACTIVE ally. Speak up and ask the individual what they meant by that comment? Ask others "What did you understand?" Consider, is this the time for a group conversation or would it be better to pull the person aside and ensure you understand their intention. Then help them apologize and share that they are still learning.

Microagressions often present conflicting responses, because the very fact that they are 'micro' does not explain much. Does micro mean that people are not punched in the face? Or that the comment was not made publicly? Who will determine if it is a microagression or an aggressive abusive act that merits discipline? There is a lot to learn fron how organisations identify, define, confirm and interpret an act of aggression. Not to mention, abusing a colleague in the form of making false 'microagression' reports. People who are sharp and have clarity as well as integrity, who keep a good balance between the quest for peace and the need for justice, are simply hard to find. It is a difficult job that requires brave people.

Microaggressions can be difficult to identify by one’s own self exactly because of their nature: they are “micro!” Individuals may not fathom that what they are doing is in any way disrespectful, and we can all take opportunities when we are confronted about them to set aside our egos and take time to learn rather than rush to defend ourselves or bat aside concerns as “no big deal”. Bringing up microaggressions can be emotionally difficult, especially if there is a power imbalance between the parties. If we are confronted about them, it is important that we respect this, and strive to learn about another’s perspective. It can teach us how we can be better coworkers, citizens, and human beings.

As an educator, I feel it's my duty to start of by educating, by letting them know in a firm and neutral manner how their comment either made me feel or how it could have been interpreted. It's important to be confidently assertive as this correction might be met with defensiveness. I also remind them of the school's policy for diversity, inclusion, equity and emphasize how this all connects to provide a feeling of "belonging".

Recognizing microaggressions involves understanding the subtle, yet damaging, expressions of prejudice embedded within everyday interactions. This entails discerning the underlying implications of seemingly innocuous remarks, attuning oneself to power dynamics, cultivating empathy, acknowledging intersectionality, and fostering a culture of self-reflection. By integrating these elements, individuals can decipher the covert manifestations of bias and work towards creating an environment that fosters genuine understanding and inclusivity.

Being positive and calm will help us to recognise the main motive behind any microaggression. We need to be very sportive and use right strategies to break the microaggression.

First start with self-awareness. Acknowledge that everyone possesses implicit biases and stereotypes. Reflect on your own beliefs and assumptions of others-- why do they exist? What can you do to change them? Be willing to challenge your biases when they surface. Ask yourself why you hold these beliefs and whether they are based on evidence or misconceptions. Take accountability and be willing to educate and hold yourself accountable. This process of self-examination can help you grow as a more inclusive individual and avoid microaggressions.

Avoiding microaggressions requires self-awareness and sensitivity. First, educate yourself about different cultures, identities, and experiences to understand potential sources of bias. Practice active listening and empathetic communication, avoiding assumptions or stereotypes. Be mindful of your language and the impact it can have. If you make a mistake, acknowledge it, apologise, and commit to learning from the experience.

Be aware of the language you use. Avoid making assumptions about people based on their race, gender, or other characteristics. Listen to and be open to feedback from others.

Microagressions stem from an assumption that you know best. When you ask a question or engage in a conversation, do a self-check to ensure you're showing up curious and ready to engage.

Oftentimes, it comes down to common sense. You don’t need to be a member of a BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, or People of Colour) community to identify someone being impacted by a racist encounter. You don’t need to be 2SLGBTQI+ to hear an inappropriate comment and call the speaker out. For a junior member of your team, it can take a lot of courage to speak up. As a leader, let them know how much you appreciate them noticing the situation and acting on it. Encourage your staff to call out microaggressions in respectful and thoughtful ways. Demonstrate this in your meetings and interactions and watch your team thrive and grow.

I want to believe that the majority of staff that work in organizations desire to do great, inspired work as a team in the service of others. There is no place for bad behaviour and the only way to address it is to confront the person to the side and never in front of a group indicating how their behaviour impacted you personally. I want to believe that once a person is told ‘I was really hurt by your dismissive words and mannerisms before and feel we need to talk about it.’

I tackle micro-aggressions with a blend of empathy and inquiry. Rather than reacting impulsively, I ask the offender if they are be open to feedback. I prepare my responses and set-up a time for us to meet. During the meeting I advise my intent to resolve the offense and establish a warm environment by asking them to share details about themselves, allowing me to better understand their perspective. I then disclose my feelings about the action that I found offensive and offer a more constructive way to address the specific offense. I find that by sharing vulnerabilities, I open the door of empathy and inquiry, steering clear of reactionary responses. This approach has been most helpful and it’s helped me to gain allies.

When micro aggressions occur more than once during conflict resolution, it must be addressed to keep faith with all parties and keep the neutral, safe space in operation. It may be as simple as reminding them of agreed expectations (eg. to keep the language civil). But it is potentially a form of coded communication which excludes the mediator. The professional has a primary responsibility to help bring out all the relevant factors in the conflict. So, I will name the behaviour and ask what it means to the context. It is possible that the microaggressions are sparked by relevant but unaddressed issues. If so, they are now explicit and able to be discussed jointly. If not, the session can get back on track with the aggression reduced.

I find the Situation/Behavior/Impact (SBI) model effective when addressing micro aggressions. To the points above, it is one strategy to a path to a respectful, productive conversation.

I hate the term microaggresions because often times/ most times these "subtle, unintended" remarks to someone are not very micro. Often times they are deep cuts that over time could turn into deep wounds leading to mental health issues or worse. It starts with understanding our own biases towards someone to fully understand the intent behind our words and gestures. You have to call it out when you hear it and address immediately, so that people don't continue to think it was unintentional. IMPACT VS INTENT. The more we sweep under the rug, "it was just a mistake" and don't take ownership of these harmful acts, the more people just continue to assume it is "micro" and continue to harm. By Andre Fullerton @fullertonconsulting

It depends. Are you the cause behind the conflict or are you the mediator who will help resolve such a conflict caused by the microaggression? If you are the cause, then introspect and accept your mistake. Apologise ASAP, educate yourself and be mindful in future. If you are the mediator,make sure that before apologising on someone’s behalf, the doer is not in denial and clearly realises that knowingly/unknowingly a damage was done in a form of microaggression. Along the way, sympathise and make the victim feel that the concern is being addressed appropriately. At Organisational level, provide trainings with case studies about microaggressions. This will help employees to be wary about things they say/do and the consequences attached to it.

There is an aspect of microaggression that one needs to understand. Most time, microaggression comes from deep-seated belief structures and it is imperative that in order to address the same organizations invest in sensitivity training along with assertiveness and self-awareness sessions. Sensitivity to be empathetic to other cultures and needs, assertiveness to stand up for one's own and self-awareness to understand and question old belief structures and unlearn them in case the need be.

Navigating microaggressions in the workplace? Let’s break it down: ?? Listen: Truly hear each other out. ?? Identify: Understand the feelings behind the words. ?? Brainstorm: Share ideas and seek collective wisdom. ?? Empathize: Put ourselves in each other’s shoes. ?? Act: Commit and check in with each other. Let’s foster understanding and respect. Together, we can build workspaces where everyone feels valued.

It is important to recognize and address the microaggression. Everyone needs to be held accountable for what they say and do. Additionally, it is important to create a safe environment for people to express their thoughts and feelings. When you did or said "x" it made me feel "x". Impact vs. Intention is really important in resolving the conflict.

Part of the challenge is to reinforce the notion that micro aggressions have not place in the workplace and ensuring that they are well defined and understood. This might be very difficult in places where the workforce is diverse and come from different cultural background. The most powerful tool that I found was the use of team discussion aimed at building self awareness. Once individual realize that they may cause harm, they often readjust their approach leading to a change of belief. Leaders and managers also play a critical role in creating healthy work environment. Once again self-awareness, recognizing biases, and open discussion around inclusion and diversity help building stronger teams.

Microaggressions often go unnoticed & unreported, making it hard to stop intentionally or unintentionally insensitive, negative & harmful words, deeds & actions by others. They can be experienced as microassaults, microinsults & microinvalidations. Kate Jenkins, Australia's former Sex Discrimination Commissioner, made a statement a few years ago worth noting regarding gender/misogynistic microaggressions, a form of discrimination and sexism. She said, "Unless we tackle everyday sexism, the most innovative policies & initiatives designed to advance gender equality & inclusive & effective organizations will not deliver the change we need.” Interrogate the underlying assumptions, biases & stereotypes you hold. That's a great starting place.

Microaggressions are subtle yet harmful acts that convey derogatory messages based on an individual's perceived membership in a marginalized group, often unintentionally. It's crucial to first recognize and acknowledge their existence and potential harm. Education and awareness play a pivotal role, fostering open discussions and promoting active listening. Clear guidelines for respectful behavior should be established, along with mechanisms for reporting and addressing microaggressions. In more severe cases, mediation and conflict resolution techniques can be employed. Continuous assessment and improvement of these efforts are necessary to maintain an inclusive and respectful environment that prioritizes the well-being of all members.

If you become a recipient of a microaggression, there are steps in how to respond. Pause/ take a deep breath. Do not act with anger as it will not help the situation. Decide when and if you want to respond. Focus on the event and not the person. The goal is not to win a point or to make your colleague feel bad. Discuss your feelings about the impact of the incident. Use emotional intelligence to help diffuse the situation. Try to understand the situation, and be empathetic. Actively listen. Document the incident(s). If you choose not to address the interaction directly, you should process your experience with an ally, who will help validate your experience. Or do something creative to express your feelings about the experience.

Things to consider: - How do leaders, HR teams, and employees limit the way microaggressions or the impact of microaggressions show up on performance appraisals? - When you have the opportunity to challenge language and narratives, how often have you challenged the descriptors such as difficult, beats to their own drum, and resistant to change? Now, how often have you championed people who ask questions, innovators, and low-risk leaders? Depending on how microaggressions shape the way people are perceived, both sets of descriptors could be the same person. As leaders and keepers of culture, how often do you ask your team, "In what ways have we empowered and made space for divergent voices?"