What are the key skills and competencies that mentors need to support their mentees' career growth?

At its core, active listening is about *learning*. It's about paying full attention, gathering as much information as possible about someone or something else, and processing this information. In a mentorship role, being able to really focus on what someone is saying instead of thinking about something else while the other person is speaking is much easier said than done, especially in a working world with myriad real-time distractions. It requires ongoing practice, and I believe the "best listeners" actively and intentionally hone this skill. Doing this well can also provide a psychologically safe space, thus creating a stronger foundation for the mentor/mentee relationship.

A good mentor needs to be able to not just understand what their mentee needs, but also where they are coming from and what is right for them. Often we give advice based on our own experiences, environment and desired outcome, but mentorship is all about guiding someone to where they want to go and so listening is especially important so you can read between the lines and provide the best advice

Listening is not a skill we do well, although we think we do. Listening means letting go of your agenda and opinion. It is letting the person speaking tell you what they think and what their solutions are. Listening doesn't mean giving people (your answer) Listening allows them to find the answer on their own.

Mentees' don’t need to have all the answers, but they do need to make it a habit to ask smart, open-ended questions. Doing so allows them to become a catalyst for success, prompting others to reflect on problems in fresh ways, uncover new angles, and/or generate better results. Here are some examples: “Which direction would help you move closer to your goal?” “Is there another alternative you might be overlooking?” “What are the pros and cons of making that decision?”

The best part of coaching is the answer doesn't come from you. That takes all sorts of pressure off of you. You don't have to perform or save the day. All you have to do is provide a safe and non-judgemental space where solutions can be talked through, discovered, and brought to life.

Don't be fooled by the GROW model's simplicity - it can be a highly effective way to structure sessions. Example questions include: ???? Goal - What do you want to focus on today? - What makes this important? - What will be different by the end of our session? ???? Reality: - What's going on right now? - What's working/what isn't? - What happens if nothing changes? ???? Options: - What could you do? - What excites you? - What has worked in the past? ???? Will: - What will you do? - When will you do it? - How will you hold yourself accountable?

The best coaches are a mix of fortune tellers and talk show hosts. They help mentees look into the future and see what they want it to be. Sometimes the future is a meeting with the mentee's boss five hours later. Sometimes it is the mentee's career trajectory five years out. Then good coaches ask the right questions to get mentees to think out loud to figure out their best path to their desired future.

When I trained to become a coach, the most impactful takeaway for me was how important it is to let the coachee take the lead and choose where they want to get to. As coaches, we must remember that it is not our place to lead the coachee in the direction that we think is right for them. Coaching is the art of unlocking the answers our coachees already hold. Even in mentoring, it is important to let the mentee choose the agenda and objective for the mentoring relationship.

One of the most important roles a mentor can play is in encouraging their mentees to reframe failure. Learning from mistakes and setbacks by framing them as learning opportunities rather than shameful experiences is challenging. Mentors often sit in a unique position where they can help reframe without being too close to the mistakes or setbacks themselves.

Asking permission to share feedback can be SO helpful to make sure it lands as intended. It is amazing how a simple "Can I share some feedback?" can give the other person a beat to agree and prepare to receive feedback and not just automatically go into defensive mode.

Empathy is a crucial skill for mentors to develop and utilize in their relationships with mentees. Empathy allows the mentor to better understand the mentee's perspective and experiences, and to respond in a way that is supportive and helpful. When a mentor demonstrates empathy towards a mentee, it helps to build trust and strengthen the relationship. The mentee feels heard and understood, which creates a sense of safety and openness. Mentoring can be a challenging and stressful experience, particularly if the mentee is struggling with personal or professional issues. Demonstrating empathy also allows the mentor to provide emotional support and guidance that can help the mentee navigate these challenges.

We are used to telling people what to do. Someone comes to us with a problem and we say: "here's what you need to do!" Then, we feel good afterwards. Someone asked for our opinion. We are needed. This is the exact opposite of what is required in these situations. Let go of how you think it should go. Or, having to be the expert. You will experience freedom. You will also discover new ways of doing things that will contribute to your own growth.