What are effective communication strategies to resolve conflict with an upset colleague?

1 Listen actively

The first step to resolving conflict is to listen to what the other person has to say, without interrupting, judging, or defending yourself. Active listening means that you pay attention to the content and the emotions behind the words, and that you show interest and empathy by using verbal and non-verbal cues, such as nodding, paraphrasing, and asking open-ended questions. By listening actively, you can show respect, acknowledge the other person's perspective, and reduce their frustration and anger.

2 Use assertive language

The second step to resolving conflict is to express your own thoughts and feelings in a clear, respectful, and confident way. Assertive language means that you use "I" statements, such as "I feel", "I think", or "I need", rather than blaming, accusing, or criticizing the other person. You also avoid using words like "always", "never", or "should", which can sound harsh and absolute. By using assertive language, you can communicate your needs and boundaries, without being aggressive or passive.

3 Focus on the problem, not the person

The third step to resolving conflict is to identify the core issue that is causing the disagreement, and to separate it from the personalities, emotions, or assumptions involved. Focusing on the problem, not the person, means that you avoid making personal attacks, generalizations, or labels, such as "you are lazy", "you always do this", or "you are a bad colleague". You also avoid bringing up past conflicts, irrelevant details, or hidden agendas, which can distract from the current situation. By focusing on the problem, not the person, you can avoid escalating the conflict, and instead work on finding a common ground and a shared goal.

4 Seek to understand, not to win

The fourth step to resolving conflict is to approach the conversation with a curious and open-minded attitude, rather than a competitive or defensive one. Seeking to understand, not to win, means that you try to see the situation from the other person's point of view, and that you acknowledge their feelings, needs, and values, even if you don't agree with them. You also try to find out what is important for them, what they are willing to compromise on, and what they expect from you. By seeking to understand, not to win, you can build trust, rapport, and respect, and avoid creating a win-lose scenario.

6 Follow up and follow through

The sixth and final step to resolving conflict is to check in with the other person, and to follow through on the agreed actions and commitments. Following up and following through means that you schedule a time to review the progress and the results of the solution, and that you provide honest and constructive feedback. You also keep your promises, respect your deadlines, and communicate any changes or challenges that might arise. By following up and following through, you can ensure accountability, consistency, and satisfaction, and prevent future conflicts from happening.