What do you do if your mentor or mentee doesn't trust you?

The first step is to break down the word "trust". We tend to use "trust" in a very sweeping manner - however, it would help if we can get more specific. What is the aspect which is failing the trust test - eg from a mentee's perspective, is it a mismatch: - in domain knowledge ("I don't think you know this subject / sector"), or - understanding of the context ("I don't think you understand where I am and what I am going through"), or - an apparent conflict or difference in intents (the mentor wants the mentee to become a "better leader", but the mentee sees meeting his annual sales target as priority), or - lack of mutual chemistry in the relationship ... Once this clarity is established, more detailed work can follow.

In my experience, trust has 3 core aspects: being real, logical, & in displaying empathy. People tend to trust you when they believe they are interacting with the real you & you actually care. Once you rebuild on above aspects with your actions they will start trusting you ??.

Being involved in a formal mentoring program or doing some informal mentoring is a very rewarding experience. However, mentoring is a mutual partnership that relies on mutual trust, mutual commitment and a mutual understanding of what success looks like. Mentoring relationships break down if either party is not clear or fully committed to the cause. If it's not working, then start with a bit of self-reflection. Remember this is a partnership. Am I giving this everything I can? Am I committed to the cause? Are the goals clear? Am I present? Am I open and a little bit vulnerable to being challenged? Do I trust the other person? Talking through your concerns can get things back on track or maybe parting ways is a better outcome.

Consider starting the conversation mentioning how this situation is affecting yourself and how it makes you feel, vs making observations about the other person. The latter could get your mentor/mentee defensive even if offering judgment was not your goal.

Make sure you are authentic and honest. We should never underestimate the power of intuition. Besides the seen and what you say and show as a mentor, you need to know that the unseen is always playing an important part. The unseen is often the root cause of mistrust. Honesty and authenticity are playing a very important part in creating a trustful relationship and that is the basis of any coaching or mentoring session. This should come from both the mentor and the mentee. Therefore, if you don’t manage to create trust, it’s better not to work with the person, as you will not be able to truly help

Mentors are human beings too and humans have a tendency to play more on emotions. Sometime these lead to unwanted and uncalled for pathways. Apologizing is the art of accepting mistakes which is sometimes not accepted well, but it leads to taking ownership and building the responsibility trust. Apologizing need to be substantiated by what went wrong, how to fix it and prevent it from happening again and finally a construct of learning.

One Thing I find helpful is to sit back and introspect by both the parties, to see if one is able to figure out what went wrong (rather what made to go off the track). Once you have found out what went wrong, please do reach out to mentor/mentee by asking for a one to one discussion to clear up the gap. It is better to clear things upfront instead of creating a baggage by piling up the grudge. So, sitting one-one and talking through by discussing a plan to amend by inculcating some changes at both ends will at-least lay a path forward which will be productive for both in many a ways. As trust is a two way street.

Knowing when to apologize and taking responsibility for your actions is essential to effective communication. You set a positive example for others to follow by acknowledging your mistakes and making amends. Rather than being negative, admitting your wrongs demonstrates integrity and fosters genuine connections.

Rebuilding trust in a mentoring relationship demands sincere acknowledgment and accountability. Whether it's a broken promise, missed deadline, or poor advice, taking responsibility is crucial. A heartfelt apology, explanation, and clear plan for rectification demonstrate commitment to the relationship. Emphasizing care for the mentee and a readiness to learn underscores the importance of trust. Consistency in actions reinforces reliability and dedication, nurturing an environment built on trust and support.

Apologies might not be the right thing here. Instead of asking for sympathy or forgiveness, use it as an opportunity to express gratitude for your partnership before describing what and how to make amends along with how to go forward. People are exhausted with hearing apologies - regardless of the level of sincerity and heartfelt words, you're still asking for something rather than giving something. Give some gratitude. "I'm super thankful for your grace and our partnership, and I've caused strain when xyz which I want to work to repair by abc" resonates so much better than starting with "Hey, so sorry I did xyz and caused strain..." Small, but surprisingly difficult, human change to make; yet, I have found it to be immensely effective.

If it were the case I would honestly first ask you to look within. There is a reason why you may be attracting difficult people and why there might be a lack of trust. Look within: where did it start? Who am I being? What qualities am I displaying that is creating this friction?

If your mentor or mentee doesn't trust you, here are some steps you can take: 1) Communication: Initiate a conversation to understand why there is a lack of trust. Listen actively to their concerns and be transparent about your intentions and commitment to the relationship. 2) Clarify expectations: Ensure both parties have a clear understanding of what they expect from the mentorship. Discuss goals, objectives. 3) Build rapport: Get to know each other on a personal level. Share experiences, values, and interests. 4) Be reliable: Follow through on your commitments and demonstrate reliability. Show that you are dependable and can be trusted to support them. 5) Demonstrate competence: Showcase your expertise and knowledge to build credibility.

Ensure that you build report with your mentee about the goals, and if possible, include her in the target setting process, this will reduce the likelihood of unrealistic targets, as well as an increased commitment of the mentee to deliver upon those.

Coaching relationships provide a haven for open and non-judgmental communication, ultimately leading to conflict resolution. It's an opportunity to establish and modify expectations to help build essential life skills.

We need to clearly define our expectations. Understanding our strengths and weaknesses, as well as those of our team, is crucial. We should be honest about what we know and what we don't know. Taking steps to improve our strengths and address our weaknesses with specific timelines allows us to give our best effort before delegating tasks which we lack at. Setting both short-term and long-term goals helps us grasp our purpose within the company and how we progress together. This reflects our commitment to grow alongside the company. Experiences, growth, and contribution are the three key elements that shape life's ultimate goals. These principles are emphasized in goal-setting teachings by Vishen Lakhiani, founder of Mindvalley.

As a mentor, trust is build based on credibility and connection. So first we have to keep a positive track record related with professional work. We should be an expert and have shown productive contribution in area that we are mentoring. Next is to build connection. "Connection" here doesn't mean that we need to know the mentee personally or having additional relationship outside mentoring; but connection means that we and them have similar interest in specific area, especially the area that we are mentoring. It can be the expertise and experience, industry similarity, academic background, role similarity, and so on. Also by sharing real work/life experience including the failure one, will show the human side of us that improve the trust

Take a step back. Typically, people come to mentors for advice and guidance which means that there is some basis for pursuing the relationship. The mentee must have a reason for why they are coming to the mentor, so it's important to understand that. Is it because the mentor has been in a similar situation before? Is it because of their professional expertise? Is it because they identify with them in another way, for example from lived experience? Understanding the "why" behind behind the desire for mental munty relationship is important. Sometimes, the mentor May have someone in the network that may be a better fit for the specific area that the mentees is interested in learning and growing in.

First thing is - building trust, which can be done by understanding the team member well, their strengths, areas of improvement, giving them the support and platform to succeed. This will automatically create a trust between employee and manager, which will help in having great rapport and respect mutually. Most important aspect is *being genuine* - this is the backbone of everything.

Everything starts with interest to know the other person and to understand their values, experiences and contributions. This can take one or two sessions and will continue throughout the relationship duration. Finding some common ground is a great start. Then differences will bring color and joy. Building respect starts with listening, understanding and having empathy. Open communication and sharing within guidelines will help building trust and respect. Respect can come with experience but more with human approach, being interested in that individual as a person. In every meeting, building rapport for that session requires to understand how the previous month went by, any issues, concerns or wins to celebrate. Sincere interest is key.

Build rapport and respect by actively listening, showing genuine interest in your mentee's goals, providing constructive feedback, and being reliable and consistent in your support. Share relevant experiences, demonstrate empathy, and foster a positive and open communication environment.

Building trust is a gradual process, cultivated over time through consistency and reliability. Show up prepared and engaged for meetings, follow through on tasks and feedback, and communicate openly about progress and challenges. Embrace honesty and reliability, demonstrating your commitment to your mentor or mentee's growth and success. Through consistent actions and transparent communication, trust in the mentoring relationship grows steadily over time.

Consistency is quite key to build trust. An inconsistent behavior can create issues and lead to either party wild guessing what is expected - a confused state can easily lead to parties losing trust and derail the whole process and relationship dynamics!

Consistency is crucial to building trust and trust is the only way to a valuable mentor/mentee relationship! If you don’t have that trust, build it by consistently being present. And I mean present, not just in the room, actively listening and understanding and caring about what the other person is saying. And next time remember what was talked about. You can’t fire and forget with a relationship, you have to show up each and every time and be present.

Consistency and focus are very important ways of proving that you are hardworking. It builds trust and confidence. Allow people to judge from what you deliver rather than talking about what you intend doing. Infuse interesting ways of getting the work done to win your mentee.

Yes, actions speak louder than words. Consistent and genuine effort can only develop mutual trust between two people no matter who they are.

As a mentee, it's important to remember that it's okay to break up with a mentor. If trust breaks down, and you can no longer utilize your mentor as a source of guidance and growth, there is no sense in prolonging the relationship. This shouldn't be viewed as a failure - it's the next step in your evolution. Similarly, as a mentor, it's your obligation to help your mentee grow. If a lack of trust prevents that, the best thing you can do is talk about finding someone who can help them succeed. That is the most meaningful guidance you can provide. You wouldn't stay in a personal relationship that lacks trust, so why stay in a mentee/mentor relationship if that's the case? In fact, breaking up will most likely be a relief for both parties.

To address a lack of trust in a mentoring relationship, it's crucial to communicate openly, listen actively, and clarify expectations.Building rapport through shared experiences & being reliable can also help. Seeking regular feedback and being patient in the process are key. If needed, consider seeking mediation from a neutral third party. Overall, trust-building requires effort, understanding, & a commitment to improving the relationship. I realised this while leading a group of young teachers through their initial settling phase. One of them would always question the efficacy of the strategies we would discuss ,she continued to challenge me. I talked her through the process,sat her through my classes till she finally connected her dots.

Schedule a one-on-one meeting to address your concern and willingness to work together. 1) Express your concerns in a respectful and professional manner 2) Clarify your expectations and refer to your working agreement. I hope you have created a working agreement as a Mentee and/or Mentor. 3) Building trust takes time, provide an opportunity and time to demonstrate their commitment to your progress. 4) If you think you don’t want to work and don’t feel comfortable with your mentee or mentor, mutually agree to move on.

This question made me scratch my head. Not because it's not worth asking, but because without trust, the relationship is immediately questionable. A mentor-mentee relationship has to start with trust. Unfortunately, they sometimes feel forced. I've seen this in corporate mentorship programs where mentees are assigned their mentor based on arbitrary criteria. If a relationship is fresh, trust will take time. And if you're working with a time box such as a 6-month corporate mentorship program, the program may be over before any meaningful interactions even get started. A good mentoring relationship is predicated on trust. If trust is in question, it might be time to find a different mentor.

I believe in Mentor-Mentee relations that are based on trust. My understanding of this relationship is that someone who desires to be mentored by you seeks you out. We do not mentor anyone by force (it is a "willing buyer-willing seller" kind of relationship. So I do not anticipate such a scenario of distrust from someone who freely comes to me.