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What do you do if assertiveness hinders your ability to negotiate and find common ground in conflicts?

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Assertiveness is a key trait often associated with leadership and confidence. However, when it comes to conflict resolution, the line between being assertive and being aggressive can often blur, potentially hindering negotiations and the search for common ground. If you find your assertive approach is becoming a stumbling block in resolving conflicts, it's essential to recalibrate your strategy. Balancing firmness with empathy is crucial in maintaining an environment conducive to constructive dialogue and mutual understanding.

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Riti V. Srivastava

Solving People Issues for Startup Founders | Facilitating Transformation | Co-founder Alignment Expert | Developing…
Charmaine Hammond, MA, CSP

Navigating Conflict | High Pressure Communication | Workplace Culture | Workplace Collaboration | Speaker, & Trainer |…

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1 Assess Impact

When your assertiveness seems to be a barrier, take a step back and assess its impact on the negotiation process. Are your points being heard, or are they overshadowing the perspectives of others? It is vital to ensure that your assertive behavior is not perceived as domineering or dismissive. By actively listening and showing genuine interest in others' viewpoints, you create a more inclusive atmosphere that fosters collaboration and paves the way for finding common ground.

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Riti V. Srivastava

Solving People Issues for Startup Founders | Facilitating Transformation | Co-founder Alignment Expert | Developing Leaders | NLP | Counsellor |
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1. Self-awareness: Notice how your assertiveness lands with others. Are they shutting down, or are they engaged? 2. Listen actively: Pay attention to what the other person is saying, and try to see things from their perspective. 3. Be collaborative: Focus on finding a win-win solution that works for everyone involved. Sometimes, a little empathy can go a long way. By showing that you understand the other person's concerns, you're more likely to reach an agreement that everyone feels good about.

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2 Adjust Approach

If you recognize that your assertiveness is too intense, it's time to adjust your approach. Instead of insisting on your position, try to understand the underlying interests of the other party. Use phrases that encourage dialogue, such as "Let's explore your concerns" or "I understand where you're coming from." This shift from a confrontational stance to a more collaborative one can help de-escalate tensions and lead to more productive negotiations.

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Jennifer Ashabranner, PHR, SHRM-CP
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Some perceive assertiveness as a negative characteristic. If you lack confidence you might go into a negotiation with a “script” in your mind. Instead of showing active listening skills and understanding someone else’s point of view, your assertiveness comes across as pushy and unwilling to compromise. Listen to the other side, take their view point into consideration, speak in a calm, understanding manner.

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3 Embrace Flexibility

Embracing flexibility is crucial in negotiations where assertiveness is causing friction. Being open to alternative solutions and willing to compromise can demonstrate your commitment to a fair outcome. This doesn't mean giving up on your goals but rather finding a middle path that satisfies both parties. Flexibility can turn a deadlock into a dialogue and is often the key to unlocking a mutually beneficial agreement.

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4 Cultivate Empathy

Cultivating empathy is essential in conflict resolution. By putting yourself in the other person's shoes, you gain insight into their feelings and motivations, which can soften an overly assertive approach. Empathy allows you to communicate more effectively, as it shows respect for the other party's position, making them more likely to engage positively with your ideas.

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5 Seek Feedback

Seeking feedback can be an enlightening experience when your assertiveness is blocking progress. Ask colleagues or a mediator for their honest opinion about your negotiation style. This feedback can provide valuable insights into how others perceive you and offer suggestions for improvement. Being open to constructive criticism demonstrates your willingness to grow and adapt, which is vital in conflict resolution.

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6 Reflect and Learn

Finally, reflecting on past negotiations where assertiveness was a hindrance can be a powerful learning tool. Consider what went wrong and what could have been handled differently. Learning from these experiences helps you refine your conflict resolution skills and approach future negotiations with a more balanced and effective strategy. Remember, every conflict is an opportunity to improve and move closer to mastering the art of negotiation.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Charmaine Hammond, MA, CSP

Navigating Conflict | High Pressure Communication | Workplace Culture | Workplace Collaboration | Speaker, & Trainer | I help teams Work Better Together. #SupplierDiversity. WBE Canada Certified business.
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Sometimes it is not assertiveness that is needed in conflict resolution, it might be confidence that is required. When confidence and communications skills is combined that often leads to a more respectful conversation. Assertiveness is often applied in hard conversations without communication skills so the individual comes off as abrasive, or bordering on aggressiveness or competitiveness. Confidence and communication skills can help you navigate the emotions, assumptions and the other complexities in conflict. #conflictresolution

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KEYA GHOSE ELI-MP Mindset Coach

Coach
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Assertiveness has the quality of forcing one's own opinions on others and that itself is the basis of a conflict. Conflict arises because the opinions of people have become more important than the goal itself which was why everything started. As you lost the battle by being assertive then the first aspect is to listen without any filters or opinions so that the other person opens up. Listening might resolve 70% of the problem and there might be no need to deal anything instead everything fall in place. By listening to the other person openly may be your doubt also get clarified in the process. Try this and see if works.

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Tammy Dunnett, CPCC, PCC MN BN

? Speaker | Coach | Facilitator ? Navigate Difficult Conversations, End Workplace Bullying, and Build Thriving Workplace Cultures
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This is such a great question because we are told that assertive is the gold standard in communication and yet - it is not the best approach in every situation Understanding your talk style, and that of those involved in conflict with you, will allow you to lean on your strengths and adapt to what is needed for the situation. Adaptable leaders are successful leaders. You do not have to sacrifice who you are, just pull forward different strengths to connect, build rapport, and move issues towards solutions

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What do you do if assertiveness hinders your ability to negotiate and find common ground in conflicts?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Assess Impact

2 Adjust Approach

3 Embrace Flexibility

4 Cultivate Empathy

5 Seek Feedback

6 Reflect and Learn

7 Here’s what else to consider

Conflict Resolution

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What do you do if assertiveness hinders your ability to negotiate and find common ground in conflicts?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Assess Impact

2 Adjust Approach

3 Embrace Flexibility

4 Cultivate Empathy

5 Seek Feedback

6 Reflect and Learn

7 Here’s what else to consider

Conflict Resolution

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