What are the best open-ended questions to encourage self-reflection?

The most important things in using open-ended questions is to realise that not all open-ended questions are the same. One of the key things to know is don't start with 'Why'. Especially when you're building a relationship. Start objectively. Use questions beginning with What to open the door, explore what's inside, and create a certain amount of safety. Invite them to join the conversation. 'Why' questions carry a lot of emotions with them. We build an understanding of Why questions as being negative, of parents and teachers reprimanding us, So when we ask a question beginning with Why too early we can cause the other person to become defensive. Start with What, find the Why.

One of the most powerful questions is a simple 'Why'. It can give a great insight into how we feel, what leads us towards that feeling, how we perceive world and people around us, what are the similar experiences that are maybe triggered by some event, what is something that we've expected, how we would like to act the next time etc. If one starts the loop with 'Why' after giving each explanation, in the end he/she will end up having kind of a meta explanation for everything mentioned, covering different things and verbalising the core value to which some feeling/thought is connected to, which then can further lead to deciding on actions and understanding oneself better in general.

One great question set is; T.E.D... Tell... me how that came about? Explain... what that might look like to you? Describe... what the event was all about? TED questions really give us a chance to explore the story, to open the dialogue to let the other paint the picture, describe the scene and bring it to life. It's like pulling the proverbial thread on the cartoon jumper and the story unravelling in front of your very eyes. You can't just say yes or no to this, can't give clipped answers. It's encouraging you to give more and more so that as the person asking you have so much to work with and enquire into and explore.

1. Where do you see yourself heading, and are your current goals taking you in that direction? 2. What are you fantastic at in your job, and what's something cool you're working on getting even better at? 3. How did the recent feedback you got make you feel? 4. When you're making decisions at work, what are the things that really matter to you and guide your choices? 5. What's a challenge you're facing right now, and how can you turn it into something that helps you grow and rock it even more?

Ask one question. Listen more than you speak. Take notes. Reflect back what they say in their answers. Don't confuse your person, aks one question at a time and let the answer fully form. As this happens, really, acutely listen and find the power words and important points. And take note of these if you have to and come back to them at relevant moments. Finally, use the words of their answers in your next question. Tune in, and show you're listening. By doing this it helps build rapport, whilst also helping the individual go even deeper in their thinking.

Newer coaches tend to feel responsible for having the "right questions" or "knowing the perfect thing to say next". However, coaching is a dynamic and co-creative process. While the coach may well have powerful questions to hand or that arise in the course of the coaching conversation, don't forget to pause and ask what is arising for the client. Chances are, it is the deeper questions stirring in them that will lead them forward. And we as coaches should be cultivating our clients capacity to listen for and lean into those questions.

'Nature abhours a vacuum' and the human brain hates the sound of silence, but int these moment where their is silence it isn;t a vacuum it's the space where they're thinking. So let them. put a pen over your lips, cover your mouth while they process, and do whatever you need to do in order to let them expand.