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How do you talk to a mediator or facilitator?

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Negotiation is a skill that can help you achieve your goals, resolve conflicts, and build relationships. But sometimes, negotiation can be challenging, especially when emotions run high, interests clash, or power is unequal. That's when you might need the help of a mediator or a facilitator. These are neutral third parties who can assist you and the other side in reaching a mutually acceptable outcome. But how do you talk to a mediator or facilitator effectively? Here are some tips to help you make the most of their services.

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1 Understand their role

Before you start talking to a mediator or facilitator, you need to understand what their role is and what they can and cannot do for you. A mediator is someone who helps you and the other party find a solution that satisfies both of you. They do not impose a decision, but rather guide you through a structured process of communication, exploration, and negotiation. A facilitator is someone who helps you and the other party have a productive dialogue, exchange information, and clarify issues. They do not offer advice, but rather support you in reaching your own conclusions. Both mediators and facilitators are impartial, confidential, and respectful of your autonomy.

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Leslie Nydick

The Conflict Strategist? ? Workplace Conflict? I Will Get You Unstuck ? Resolve Workplace Tensions with The Conflict Tune-Up? ? LinkedIn Top Voice x 4 ? Expert in Conflict, Negotiation, & Communication
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When negotiations reach an impasse, inviting a mediator or facilitator is a great option. However, it doesn't mean the hard work is done. It will still require a lot of effort on your part to progress through the process. The Mediator or Facilitator are there to guide you and the communication. Their questions will help each of you understand each other more so that you can identify options that work for each of you. The decisions will be yours. If you want someone else to make the decision, then you would want to choose an Arbitrator.

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2 Prepare your case

Before you talk to a mediator or facilitator, you need to prepare your case and know what you want to achieve. You should identify your interests, needs, and goals, as well as the interests, needs, and goals of the other party. You should also gather any relevant facts, evidence, or documents that support your position. You should also think about your best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA), which is what you would do if you cannot reach a deal with the other party. Having a clear and realistic BATNA will help you assess any offers or proposals that the mediator or facilitator presents to you.

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Leslie Nydick

The Conflict Strategist? ? Workplace Conflict? I Will Get You Unstuck ? Resolve Workplace Tensions with The Conflict Tune-Up? ? LinkedIn Top Voice x 4 ? Expert in Conflict, Negotiation, & Communication
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Preparation is a must. Think about the situation, your requirements, your interests, what has worked well, what is a challenge & all other factors. Then think about what would happen if you don't reach a negotiated agreement. Be sure to include thinking about the relationship and the importance (or lack of importance) to maintain it. Avoid deciding what the other party is thinking because you want to be open to learning more during the mediated/facilitated discussion. It is common for me (as the mediator or as one of the parties) to hear someone say, "wow, I never knew you thought that." That happens because when you are talking with a neutral party, you can often hear each other better.

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3 Communicate clearly

When you talk to a mediator or facilitator, you need to communicate clearly and respectfully. You should use positive and constructive language, avoid blaming or accusing the other party, and focus on the problem, not the person. You should also listen actively and attentively to what the mediator or facilitator and the other party say, and ask questions or paraphrase to check your understanding. You should also express your feelings and emotions in a calm and respectful manner, and acknowledge the feelings and emotions of the other party. You should also be open and honest about your expectations, concerns, and preferences, and be willing to share information and explore options.

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4 Cooperate with the process

When you talk to a mediator or facilitator, you need to cooperate with the process and follow their guidance. You should respect their authority and expertise, and trust their neutrality and confidentiality. You should also respect the rules and norms of the mediation or facilitation process, such as being punctual, courteous, and cooperative. You should also participate actively and constructively in the discussions, brainstorming, and problem-solving activities that the mediator or facilitator organizes. You should also be flexible and creative, and be ready to make concessions and compromises if necessary.

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Tom Harber

Negotiation | Performance
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This is a two way street. Bear in mind that the mediator obtains their power from the parties, they are employed by the parties, so if the parties jointly feel a different or alternative process choice would be constructive, the mediator should equally take this heavily into account.

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5 Evaluate the outcome

When you talk to a mediator or facilitator, you need to evaluate the outcome and decide whether you are satisfied with it or not. You should compare the outcome with your BATNA, and see if it meets your interests, needs, and goals. You should also consider the costs and benefits of the outcome, both tangible and intangible, such as time, money, reputation, and relationship. You should also assess the fairness and feasibility of the outcome, and see if it is acceptable to both you and the other party. You should also ask the mediator or facilitator for any feedback, suggestions, or follow-up actions that might help you implement or sustain the outcome.

Talking to a mediator or facilitator can help you negotiate more effectively and reach a better outcome. But you need to prepare, communicate, cooperate, and evaluate well to make the most of their services. By following these tips, you can improve your negotiation and communication skills, and build trust and rapport with the mediator, facilitator, and the other party.

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6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Tom Harber

Negotiation | Performance
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One useful way to think about the role of mediators is as process experts (whereas the parties could be considered substance experts). In this way the mediator can help structure, tailor and guide parties through process decisions, while leaving the substantive issues and decisions solely within the ambit of the parties.

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How do you talk to a mediator or facilitator?

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2

3

4

5

6

1 Understand their role

2 Prepare your case

3 Communicate clearly

4 Cooperate with the process

5 Evaluate the outcome

6 Here’s what else to consider

Negotiation

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How do you talk to a mediator or facilitator?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 Understand their role

2 Prepare your case

3 Communicate clearly

4 Cooperate with the process

5 Evaluate the outcome

6 Here’s what else to consider

Negotiation

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