How do you set boundaries with your coach?

It is always a good practice to let your coach know what to do if you appear stuck or resistant. Addressing this at the commencement of the coaching agreement is helpful as when situations do arise your coach knows whether it is safe to push you or best to take a step back. You may feel stuck or be avoidant at times, this could show up as skipping sessions, avoiding certain topics, or being unwilling to go deeper into a challenge. Talk to your coach about how you want to be supported in these situations. Remember, your coach should feel like your biggest advocate so being open and honest is crucial to a successful engagement.

The thing about boundaries is that they can be restrictive. It's important to identify when a boundary is actually needed, when it should be applied and when it can be relaxed or got rid of. Boundaries are there to create structure in how you work and behave. In our childhood, we were happiest when we had a set of clear boundaries - we didn't worry about "getting it wrong". Growth is demonstrated when boundaries are pushed or challenged (but not rebelled against). A good coach will recognise when a boundary is being pushed (in which case it needs re-assessing) or when rebellion happens (in which case it needs to be clarified).

The Coaching Contract (or agreement) is usually a formal document issued by your coach. It is important you read this carefully. It is a contract that describes the expectations that your coach will have of you, and your coach’s commitments to you. I tend to have an informal conversation (discovery session) first, and during this session will also establish what you hope to achieve, what your experience of coaching is and explain my style. It is here that we ascertain whether coaching is the correct intervention for you. You can ask questions such as session duration, frequency and format etc. I then send the coaching contract out for you to read and go over any further questions at the first session.

What a good coach will do is help you realize which of your boundaries are healthy and which are not. The coach is responsible for making the client not feel bad or "wrong" for any of those boundaries, but be able to nudge them in a healthier direction. After enough time, the client should be able to tell almost instantly when and where to set boundaries and with who, in pretty much every area of their life.

Fit is so important. Before you begin with a business coach check them out thoroughly — listen to their podcast, read their website and articles, and check out their testimonials. If you feel good about them so far and your intuition is on board with this person, then have a Discovery Call and ask all the questions that will help you to feel safe and certain. Chances are you won't need to set strict boundaries. But know that all service providers should always be open to feedback and invite it. Don't hesitate to tell your coach what you want and what you don't want as well as what you value as you continue with them.

I think boundaries start with expectations on both sides, usually outlined in a concise agreement. However there will always be times that a client requires "on demand" help and defining what those parameters are must be addressed up front. But the expectation of responses, time to respond and whether it really needs a response asap or at the next coaching session must be established to keep clients always moving forward and keeps you from burning out.

I always respect when my clients ask for a course correct. It usually results in a much better working relationship. Never be afraid to speak up.

My view is that there's a chunk of this work, especially around needs and preferences, that belongs in the contracting phase of the relationship. You can't have a productive conversation without knowing your clients pronouns, for instance.

I fully respect my business coaches, boundaries and I have for over 30 years. The two of us have a firm and committed relationship and honor each other’s boundaries. My coach is very clear about the hours that I can contact her and I follow that and I am very clear about the hours. I can be contacted as well.

I think it's right that the client has to be aware of the coach's boundaries, but it's the coach's job to make sure the conversation is managed, as much as possible, to avoid boundary conflicts. That usually means a lot of signposting, and a lot of work around identifying which issues, whilst important to the client, can't be addressed as part of the coaching process. Having a good roster to colleagues to refer to is part of that process.

In addition to setting boundaries, I like to get success criteria. I learned this question to ask from my coach, Dan Sullivan (The Strategic Coach). "If we were to get together a year from now, what would have to happen for you to feel this was a valuable investment?" The answer to that question is your map to success!

I’d like to see this conversation on boundaries feel less clinical and sterile. You hire a coach to take you to a place you desire but haven’t been able to achieve, yet. Does your coach understand the reasons people hide, fake and skirt around the move they need to make. They aren’t based on logic, but emotion. So on some level their needs to be an emotional connection and discussion about desire. The boundary is how do you explore intimate topics without confusing it for physical attraction. That’s the real boundary conversation that needs to be addressed.

The term “Setting boundaries” might have a pejorative connotation. Implies rigour and limitations which might strain new relationships. I would rather discuss the style of working together and setting basic agreements as to organizing and frequency of sessions with the stipulation of reviewing the progress on both sides in a given time frame. People could be very knowledgeable but sometimes there are temperament or personality conflicts on a subconscious level and they come to the surface only during the coach and client’s interaction. It is also important to recognize if the client needs a coach or trainer. They are two different styles but could be interwoven and not visible, initially.