How do you persuade and negotiate with advanced communication skills?

As with any relationship the key is in listening. And in negotiating, we need to listen to not only what is said but also what is not. In business, we can have a tendency to over-negotiate because we don't take the time to fully listen to what our prospective client actually needs. Understanding this is the key to winning in the negotiating game. #relationshipbuilding

One often overlooked way to research your prospect is to use your network of connections. Insights to people can be gained by talking with folks who have relationships with or who have dealt with the prospect in the past much more than Google or reading websites.

This is always a good debate - using ‘techniques’ in the same sentence as being authentic does not naturally sit well. However exploring things that ‘bind us’ and shared interests that will generate genuine conversations is not always easy depending on personality types.

Rapport can and should be built upon: credibility - are you believable what you say and do or are you superficial in your words and deeds? Empathy - can you put yourself in another’s position and get them talking about themselves to fully understand them? Authenticity - are you genuinely interested in this person? Can you actually be yourself and not the “salesperson” looking for a sale? Trustworthy - do you follow up in a timely fashion and do what you promise?

One way to think about framing your message is to either speak from a what-ought-to-be perspective or a what-is one. For instance, in my world of helping project teams perform well, there are many reasons why projects are persistently late and over budget. Holding these out as the reasons why teams is ought to change how they work together is one frame. A better one in my view is to ask teams what helps them perform well and what gets in their way. Their responses will point in the same direction, but importantly be theirs, based on what is in their lived experience, not imposed on them as a bunch of shoulds and oughts!

Don’t overlook the power and substance of non verbal communication. Your body, face, eyes and hands are part of framing your message. I’m fact, the larger part of having people get your message is delivered by non verbal means. Be careful of expressions, body language and tone of your voice.

Sometimes if you’re the protagonist your story can be even more compelling. Here’s a potential structure: - You have an uplifting goal that makes life better for specific groups. - But there’s an obstacle in your way. You’re not making progress. - You meet a wise mentor who awakens you to a flaw in your thinking and approach. - Chastened but grateful you experiment with a different way forward and invite others to join you. - You get mixed reactions but your wise mentor helps you persist by keeping your eyes on the bigger prize and doing the right thing. - You invite your audience to share their stories too and join you in writing the next chapter.

There’s nothing stronger that a compelling story. Every situation needs to have a story that is believable, compelling and true. In conversation with customers or prospects your ability to relate the story will impact your position. For example, in retail customer facing situations the story of the product oftentimes can move the buyer to make a positive decision.

I find transparency to work well, as long as you're applying basic positive psychology tools to how you frame and execute the narrative. Telling the truth of your story shows people that you're being real, and vulnerable transparency has with it a human capital that goes a long, long way.

Feedback is a two way process if your negotiation is to be meaningful and based on equality. It makes sense to me therefore to set it up that way from the outset. For instance “let’s take time at the end to look each other in the eye and speak openly about how we’ve experienced our discussion and how we’re feeling about going to the next stage.” This introduces an honest exploration of whether there’s sufficient chemistry between the parties to do some great work together. It stops you having to second guess body language. It might also set you apart from others and make you memorable for all the right reasons!

It depends on circumstances of course but I think people are wary of being manipulated at this final stage. They can see through the false creation of scarcity or artificial time deadlines that have discounts attached to them if you sign on the dotted line. If what you’re negotiating depends on there being an ongoing relationship once the deal is sealed, make deepening and preserving that your primary goal, not tricksy “closing techniques.”