How do you overcome resistance to confidence building exercises?

Resistance is often rooted in personal psychology rather than the actual activity. You can only identify the root cause by asking questions.

The first thing to do is to stop thinking in terms of overcoming resistance. That only validates and strengthens the resistance. In order to create rapport it is important to acknowledge what the client is experiencing and that it is OK, neither good nor bad, just what is at the moment. The next step can then be to invite the client to open to the resistance, not fight it and notice where its felt in the body. The resistance is but a message from self about some conflict in thought. At this point suggesting the client just sit with the resistance and let it change may be all that is needed for it to dissipate. There may also be a need to process an unresolved childhood event or events for which there are several possible approaches.

I often say people take action when they are emotionally moved to do so. When the reason behind what they want to achieve has deep resonance. Identify what drives you. Is it to be a better person for your kids? To rise at your job? To have a better lifestyle? More freedom? Tap into that "Why" when the going gets rough. Make it a reason that is emotional and meaningful enough to move you into action. Then visualize yourself having success. Visualize that confident you, so that your body starts to believe your transformation is possible. That vision, once it's in your mind's eye, will pull you toward success. Go forth with confidence!

Resistance gets bad press. It’s as if it’s only stubbornness. Or a fear. It could be. However, it’s more likely a lack of information. Reframe resistance to lack of information. Then, make it okay. Next address the information deficit. It could be you want to know who is attending. Or, who is delivering the confidence training, etc. And finally write down everything you did despite resistance. Whether it was attending a party or painting the home. Maybe it was going to the dentist? Whatever it is build your evidence bank. And see how resistance hasn’t always been your NO or your block to doing what didn’t feel natural. With that evidence bank you will see that resistance is just part of the journey and not a destination.

The role of the brain is to ensure that we are safe and that we will be safe. Feeling that there is a threat will close down options and this fear shows up as not wanting to be involved in change. To overcome resistance is to ensure the amount of change demanded is within the individual's brain's acceptable range and this varies from person to person. As ever, start where the person is at not where you think they are at!

Start with an easy exercise, and you're more likely to stick with it. Gradually make it a bit harder the next day. Stay consistent, and remember, even small improvements add up over time and can lead to big progress.

If it's not fun, you are not likely to stick to it. When you add humour, laughter or even competition you'll find yourself more motivated and likely to keep at it, which can lead to effective confidence building. There are so many apps on the market; find one that answers your needs. A lot of them have "fun and rewards" built into them.

How do you celebrate your progress when you’re consumed by low confidence? Shouting from the rooftops isn’t going to be appealing. This where journaling comes in. Get a small note book you can carry round with you and write your wins in. Journaling is private. It’s between you and you. You decide if something is a win. No debating. Just write it in your journal. Then read your wins when you’re feeling your confidence wobbles or feel challenged by something you are telling yourself you can’t do but wish you just could. You read it to remind yourself of your progress at claiming your confidence already. And if you choose to not overcome the confidence challenge still, then make it okay. Tomorrow is a new day to make a new decision.

Confidence is something that’s innately within us all. Sometimes we forget & it gets hidden. So whatever your win: If that’s speaking up quietly in a meeting. Going on a blind date. Showing up on video on a LinkedIn post. Wherever you feel your confidence wobbles & you take even the tiniest action towards it, is a WIN. It’s you claiming back the confidence you’ve hidden from you. Confidence is an inside job. And sometimes at different times of life, for different reasons and not always logical reasons, we can experience a confidence wobble. Or discover a lack of confidence. It’s part of the journey of life & always, you’ve the inner resources, & strength to overcome any lack of confidence. Just be kind to you as you journey.

Resisting confidence building exercises is a sign that you are seeking something deeper than worldly solutions to a broken soul. Seek inner guidance and our Higher Power to bring you into knowing your value. This is what our souls are truly seeking.

When working with clients I like to discover what they mean when they use a word or phrase. Confidence, like stress and relaxation, is a word that can mean different things to different people yet we tend to assume it means the same to everyone. It doesn't. Whilst we may think we are speaking the same language often we aren't! For me confidence is having trust and faith in the choices I am making. What's yours?