How do you negotiate a better reference or recommendation from your former employer?

1 Assess your situation

Before you ask for a reference or recommendation, you need to assess your situation realistically. How did you perform in your previous role? How was your relationship with your manager and colleagues? How did you handle your resignation? These factors will influence how likely your former employer is to give you a favorable feedback. If you have a solid track record, a cordial rapport, and a respectful exit, you have a better chance of getting a good reference or recommendation. If not, you may need to work harder to persuade your former employer or look for alternative sources of endorsement.

3 Negotiate the content and format

If your former employer agrees to give you a reference or recommendation, you may want to negotiate the content and format to ensure that it reflects your strengths and goals. You can do this by providing them with some bullet points or examples of your accomplishments, projects, or feedback that you want them to mention. You can also suggest some keywords or phrases that are relevant to your target role or industry. However, you should avoid dictating or scripting what they should say, as this may come across as insincere or dishonest. You should also respect their style and tone, and accept their feedback if they have any suggestions or concerns.

4 Follow up and thank them

After you get a reference or recommendation from your former employer, you should follow up and thank them for their time and effort. You can send them a thank-you note, email, or message, expressing your gratitude and appreciation. You can also update them on the outcome of your job search, and let them know if you got an offer or an interview. This will show them that you value their contribution and maintain a positive relationship with them.

5 Handle rejection or criticism

Sometimes, your former employer may refuse or decline to give you a reference or recommendation, or they may give you a negative or lukewarm one. This can be disappointing and frustrating, but you should not take it personally or react defensively. You should respect their decision and try to understand their reasons. You may ask them for constructive feedback or suggestions on how to improve your performance or skills. You may also look for other sources of reference or recommendation, such as former colleagues, clients, mentors, or teachers. You should not burn bridges or badmouth your former employer, as this may damage your reputation and credibility.

6 Use your reference or recommendation wisely

Once you have a reference or recommendation from your former employer, you should use it wisely and strategically in your job search. You should not share it with every potential employer, but only with those who are seriously interested in hiring you. You should also ask your former employer for permission before sharing their contact details or letter with anyone. You should also prepare yourself for the possibility that your potential employer may contact your former employer directly, and make sure that you are consistent and honest in your resume, cover letter, and interview.

7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?