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How do you match your tone and pace to the speaker's when listening?

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Listening is more than just hearing what someone says. It is also about showing that you are interested, engaged, and respectful of the speaker. One way to do that is by using nonverbal cues, such as eye contact, facial expressions, and body language. In this article, you will learn how to use these cues effectively and how to match your tone and pace to the speaker's when listening.

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1 Eye contact

Eye contact is one of the most important nonverbal cues for listening. It shows that you are paying attention and that you care about what the speaker is saying. However, too much or too little eye contact can be distracting or uncomfortable. The ideal amount of eye contact varies depending on the culture, context, and relationship of the speakers. A general rule of thumb is to maintain eye contact for about 60% of the time, and to look away briefly and naturally when you need to think, process, or respond.

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Kira Geselowitz

Educator
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Remember to not always expect and read this as a social norm because neurodiversity can greatly alter the way a person makes eye contact.

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2 Facial expressions

Facial expressions can convey your emotions, reactions, and attitudes when listening. They can also help you empathize with the speaker and show that you understand their feelings. For example, you can smile, nod, or raise your eyebrows to show agreement, interest, or surprise. You can also frown, shake your head, or furrow your brows to show disagreement, confusion, or concern. However, be careful not to overdo it or to fake your expressions. The speaker might notice and feel that you are not sincere or respectful.

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3 Body language

Body language is another way to show your listening skills with nonverbal cues. It involves your posture, gestures, and movements. For example, you can lean forward, tilt your head, or open your arms to show that you are engaged and receptive. You can also mirror the speaker's body language to show that you are in sync with them. However, avoid crossing your arms, slouching, or fidgeting, as these can indicate that you are bored, defensive, or nervous.

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Kira Geselowitz

Educator
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I would add distance, consider how close or far you are from the person. This should also be addressed on video calls as some people put the camera too close or too far and it feels awkward for others.

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Todd Goold

Registered Social Worker
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I always look at the direction of the person’s shoes with whom I am sharing a conversation. If their shoes are pointing towards me, I take this as a sign that the person is engaged and has the time to connect. If their feet are pointing away from me, I take this as a subtle cue that the person is busy, or preoccupied; I then wrap up the conversation or choose another time to chat.

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4 Tone and pace

Tone and pace are not exactly nonverbal cues, but they are related to how you use your voice when listening. They can affect how the speaker perceives your interest, attitude, and understanding. For example, you can use a warm, friendly, and supportive tone to show that you are listening with empathy and respect. You can also match your tone and pace to the speaker's to show that you are following their flow and rhythm. However, avoid using a monotone, sarcastic, or interrupting tone, as these can indicate that you are not listening or that you are judging or disagreeing with the speaker.

Listening with nonverbal cues is a skill that can improve your communication and relationships. It can help you show that you are listening actively, attentively, and respectfully. It can also help you understand the speaker's message, emotions, and intentions better. By using eye contact, facial expressions, body language, and tone and pace effectively, you can enhance your listening skills and become a better communicator.

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Kira Geselowitz

Educator
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Tone and pace can also help if the person you’re talking with is tense or flustered. By not matching their tone and remaining more calm and even-paced, you can help tone down the conversation to find a comfortable balance.

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5 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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How do you match your tone and pace to the speaker's when listening?

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2

3

4

5

1 Eye contact

2 Facial expressions

3 Body language

4 Tone and pace

5 Here’s what else to consider

Communication

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How do you match your tone and pace to the speaker's when listening?

1

2

3

4

5

1 Eye contact

2 Facial expressions

3 Body language

4 Tone and pace

5 Here’s what else to consider

Communication

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