Feedback is a crucial part of executive coaching, but it can also be a source of resistance, defensiveness, or anxiety for the coachee. How can you give feedback that is constructive, respectful, and motivating, without triggering negative reactions? Here are some tips to help you master the art of feedback in executive coaching.
Before you give feedback, make sure you have a clear and specific purpose for it. What is the goal of the feedback? How does it relate to the coachee's development plan, performance, or potential? How will it help them improve, grow, or achieve their objectives? By having a clear purpose, you can avoid giving vague, irrelevant, or unsolicited feedback that may confuse or frustrate the coachee.
You should never provide feedback unless: 1) You know who the person is 2) Why you are delivering it 3) It's constructive 4) You know what the expectation and desired outcome is from providing the feedback
Effective feedback can only be delivered in an atmosphere of trust, which typically takes a bit of time to create. If you need to create trust quickly, here's a few suggestions... Be approachable and friendly: Display a warm and welcoming demeanor to create a positive first impression. Active listening: Pay close attention to what they are saying, ask follow-up questions, and show genuine interest in their thoughts. Establish common ground: Find shared interests or experiences to create a sense of connection. Be honest and transparent: Share information about yourself in a sincere way to build reciprocity in sharing. More in next post!
Timing and context are important factors for effective feedback. Choose a time and place that is convenient, comfortable, and confidential for both of you. Avoid giving feedback when the coachee is stressed, distracted, or emotional, or when you are in a hurry, angry, or biased. Also, avoid giving feedback in front of others, as this may embarrass or undermine the coachee's confidence. Instead, schedule a regular and dedicated session for feedback, and make sure you have enough time and privacy to discuss it.
Setting the right environment and psychological safety is essential for delivering feedback and ensuring it's received well. I am a big fan of the SCARF Model and often use it to determine if I have thought through what "the other person" may need to feel comfortable. Another important aspect is timing. Depending on the feedback you need to deliver, asking the other person what time(s) they are available immediately provides them the autonomy to choose something that works for them. The second item that's often forgotten is to let the other person know what they can do to prepare in advance to receive feedback. Again, this empowers them to walk into the meeting feeling confident and prepared.
The SBI model is a simple and powerful framework for giving feedback. It stands for Situation, Behavior, and Impact. First, describe the situation where you observed the coachee's behavior, using specific and factual details. Second, describe the behavior that you want to give feedback on, using observable and objective terms. Third, describe the impact of the behavior, both positive and negative, on the coachee, the team, the organization, or the client. By using the SBI model, you can give feedback that is clear, concrete, and balanced, without making assumptions, judgments, or generalizations.
I love the SBI Model but often find it's a bit limiting since most conversations aren't always easily boiled down to simply the Situation, Behavior and Impact. What I recommend is use it as a guide or framework and make sure you give yourself enough time to deviate on each area. Lastly, with this model in particular, know your facts (vs. fiction). The model is predicated on specificity not subjective interpretation so do your homework first if you plan to use SBI.
One of the best ways to reduce resistance to feedback is to ask for the coachee's permission and input. Before you give feedback, ask the coachee if they are open and ready to receive it, and respect their answer. If they say yes, ask them how they prefer to receive feedback, and adapt your style accordingly. If they say no, ask them why, and try to address their concerns or fears. Also, ask them to share their own self-assessment, and listen to their perspective and feelings. By asking for permission and input, you can show respect, empathy, and curiosity, and create a dialogue rather than a monologue.
As a coach you are trained to ask the other person if they are open to coaching or in this case feedback. After 20+ years I still do it, even when the other person says, "of course I am...that's why I am here" - it's always a chuckle but it's not always a laughing matter. There will undoubtedly be times when you broach a topic or say something that triggers the other person. Being aware of the natural ebbs and flows will allow you the opportunity to ask if they wish to continue discussing that topic or move on.
Another way to make feedback more constructive and motivating is to focus on the future rather than the past. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong or what the coachee should have done differently, focus on what they can do next or better. Help them identify their strengths, opportunities, and resources, and set realistic and actionable goals for improvement. Also, offer your support, guidance, and encouragement, and follow up on their progress and achievements. By focusing on the future, you can help the coachee see feedback as a learning opportunity rather than a criticism.
So I am not sure I agree completely with this AI paragraph and here's why: As coaches we are trained to look forward sure, but the past is a place of reference and when working with someone in the present it's important to unpack and learn why they are where they are today and that typically can be found in their past. To focus on building the future of a client without acknowledging their past would be a big mistake and house of cards waiting to collapse. Again, you don't dwell in the past - you discover what you need from it that relates to the present and ultimately guides you into the future.
Finally, one of the most effective ways to give feedback without resistance is to invite feedback on yourself. By asking the coachee to give you feedback on your coaching style, skills, or relationship, you can demonstrate humility, openness, and trust, and model the behavior you expect from them. You can also use the feedback to improve your own performance and effectiveness as a coach, and to strengthen your rapport and alignment with the coachee. By inviting feedback on yourself, you can create a mutual and reciprocal feedback culture that benefits both of you.