How do you give feedback to senior leaders who don't want it?

Often senior leaders keep themselves guarded and gated and aren’t open to subordinates gaining trust and rapport. When this is an option, always avail of it foundationally, but also find other ways to gain familiarity and influencer. Often this can be accomplished via their assistants, tenured staff who may have worked with current leadership prior to their being promoted, contribute to things like email threads and newsletters etc. That said, being familiar doesn’t guarantee they will be more responsive to criticism or feedback. Sometimes you just need to provide it anyway. If the culture doesn’t tolerate it, that may be indicative of an organization you don’t want to be a part of.

Why on earth would you want to give anyone feedback that doesn't want it? If they don't want it, they won't listen, so you're on a hiding to nothing. You need to understand that it is their inalienable right to not listen. It is also not your responsibility to make them listen. So you're better off asking yourself why you are working for someone that won't listen - and perhaps find someone that will.

Know your leader like you know yourself, demonstrate that you care about your people, your mission, and live your core values. And, speak truth to power.

Senior leaders who don’t want your feedback are probably superior to you in their minds and won’t want to establish rapport with you from the get go. I find that coming in with a strong calm and confident presence does play a lot. You need to rebalance the power dynamics with the leader so he sees you as an equal. That can happen when you are 100% grounded in your self, and don’t get stuck in the formalities that others do that reinforces the senior leader’s power. From that position, there needs to be a move that rebalances the power dynamics so he sees you as an equal. Usually a shocking statement, delivered with fierce compassion, can get you the eyes wide open reaction which is your entry point to show you’re on the same side.

It's so difficult when they are not ready, not aware and there is potential to alliniate them from you if they don't want to hear any feedback. Trust is key.

Timing is critical but should not be used as an out or excuse not to confront leadership or inequity as needed. Don’t wait, wait, wait to bring up something that may escalate or get out of control before you address it. Being proactive is paramount. If a culture won’t welcome and appreciate critical feedback when we’ll intended it may be time to look for a new culture to contribute to.

Timing and setting are very important. Pull leaders to the side, especially if they are at the center of your comments. If they are not the center of the issue, open forums are fine too. It may be something others have been thinking and just not had the courage to express. Bad news seldom gets better with time. Be honest, bring solutions, and be brief. Leaders hire you for your ability to be a part of the solution. If all they ever wanted was someone to agree with them, they would hire robots. Leaders want people that can speak up when things are not right - team members that can analyze a problem, identify solutions and execute a plan to remedy the issue at hand.

I've seen feedback via email to the Executive Team be very effective in getting a conversation and movement started. Just make sure you aren't making assumptions about motivations. Instead, focus on the impact certain behaviors or outcomes are having on you or others. Speak from the heart, just not an angry heart. Wait until you've calmed down and can speak plainly and objectively.

This is a critical factor in both establishing and maintaining a respectful environment, as well as demonstrating a serious stance that you truly desire to create stronger communications and solutions. I have seen the use of "private" meetings after-the-fact where the only desire was to do a gotcha. Having private meetings with others to denigrate the individual and gather evidence completely undermines an atmosphere of trust or building solutions.

This framework is effective in the right settings and helps avoid become too emotional or irrational. It’s always good to have a conception of what you need to say and how you’re going to say it. That said, it’s always important to be able to go off script, and change up the delivery of your message in real time depending on the response, climate, etc.

SBI is a really hand tool to help you construct the conversation and deliver naturally. Building on this, also sharing ‘impact felt vs impact intended’ can be a very powerful.

An important part of this to consider when describing the Impact is choosing a particular consequence that will resonate with that individual. People are different and motivated by different things so you can’t simply describe the impact you think is most important - choose the one THEY think is most important. The simplest way to determine that is to establish whether they are task-focused or relationship-focused. For example, a more task-focused person may respond more readily to “you won’t be able to get this project done in time if the team are wary of approaching you”. For a relationship-focused individual, perhaps “if you carry on like this, the team will get very angry”. One size doesn’t fit all. Fit the Impact to the person.

This is effective. It keeps the feedback focused and makes it less about the person and more about the behavior. It's easy to get distracted by past obvservations and the SBI model will keep it focused.

Open communication and dialogue is always the right now. Hear them out, be open to having your perspective changed, and working toward a resolution together if at all possible. If not, a mediator or third party may be worth bringing in.

Adopting a coaching approach alongside motivational interviewing techniques can be particularly helpful and also helps with self-awareness. It is important to listen to the senior leader's feedback and perspective.

Asking for their perspective opens the door to seeing their own challenges in another context and understanding 'why' they respond in the way they do. Behaviours are driven by emotions ultimately - but it takes time, trust and deep discussion to uncover what these are. The understanding for the individual when they realise the triggers that drive their actions and reactions is the most important learning.

Starting with the leader's perspective is crucial. It is also important to understand if this is new feedback for them or a pattern. Understanding their past experiences and feedback they have received previously can help you "hang" your comments on existing ways of thinking, which can help them assimilate the information and apply it.

How you preface these questions is important, otherwise the leader may become defensive. Stay kind, empathize and put yourself in their position. Saying “Can you share with me…” or “I’m curious if you considered…” may lay a smoother path for questions that could otherwise put a leader off.

Never just being problems; always offer solutions with them. This changes the dynamic completely and endears you to the overarching goal of helping the org be more successful.

Tie your feedback to what you know they DO want. Then demonstrate how they can achieve what they want with your feedback. Then be brief. Be brilliant. Be gone. Keep it short and sweet but impactful and solution oriented.

I also think it is helpful to gather the leader's perspective-- what have you tried previously, how has it worked, what other ideas do you have.

All of the above is certainly helpful but there may still be times when we have to deliver unwelcome news whether someone is open to it or not. I’ve spent many years informing bosses that there have been complaints filed against them or that the organization was facing a massive lawsuit. Even when the relationship was established and the conversation was held privately, these types of conversations can come with lots of emotion. And I have found that the way I show up to these conversations can bring the temperature down quite a bit. This may mean clearing my schedule so I can clear my head and start off from a place of calm, or simply listening intently if someone needs to spool through emotions before moving on to next steps.

Position any feedback in a context of interest and benefit to them, relative to what, and who, is important to them. Really, this is wise and respectful at any level, but especially with senior leaders, ensure the feedback you are ??offering?? isn’t a one-way street asking them to change. Instead, invite them to consider a different possibility that could bring them more of what they want. Reflect on your own experiences and I feel sure you will agree - we all flourish with that kind of feedback.

From my experience, it's important to consider the senior leader's goals and motivations. What are they trying to accomplish? What drives them? What is their unspoken dream? Then, link your feedback to those goals and motivations, in a low-key way. That way, a resistant leader may be open to considering the feedback, because it will help them achieve their goals.

Providing feedback to a senior leader, particularly when they seem resistant, necessitates a thoughtful and diplomatic approach. It’s crucial to underscore the shared goal of organizational success and to evaluate the merit and usefulness of the feedback being offered. Not all feedback is equally relevant or valuable. It may not be necessary to provide all feedback. Also, approaching feedback from the perspective of ‘what can be gained’ rather than ‘what’s wrong’ is a useful way to prioritize relevant feedback. This shifts the conversation towards opportunity and growth, fostering a more open dialogue. Coupling feedback with potential solutions or alternative strategies can encourage proactive thinking, reducing defensiveness.

I like to start a conversation with the idea that the purpose of feedback isn't to make you feel better, the purpose of feedback is to help you do better. It helps to prep the receiver that they might have an emotional reaction, and also helps them engage the rational part of the brain vs the 'lizard brain'. But the very fact that the Senior leader doesn't want feedback is an issue in and of itself, people who have moved into senior roles should be actively seeking out feedback to help them continuously learn and grow.