How do you build a resilient mindset?

In my experience as a coach (and a client!) I find that identifying core values is important - but it's NOT as important as the exercise that follows, which is going through the list of values and identifying the ones that are already AT PLAY in your life. Often when you compare both lists - the values you want to live by and the ones you ARE living by - you are able to see where you are out of alignment. From there you can work with your coach to map out the areas in your life where change is needed and be confident that your action plan is in congruence with the core values YOU choose.

If you need help identifying your core values, a quick search on Google for "values list" will bring up many hits. Choose any one of them and look at the list of values. Consider the person you aspire to be, and then choose which values would be most important to help you become that person. Start off picking around 10-15 values, and then narrow down to the 5 that resonate most strongly for you.

But what does it all mean, often we don't know what is important to us until we get the opportunity to really reflect on this. In my practice we start with strengths, we all have them and it is not that difficult to start to develop them and use them with awareness. Once we become aware we can then become self aware. From there resilience is built in the small everyday interactions and decisions we make.

Growth mindset but first you have to have self awareness of limiting beliefs and what's blocking you then be grateful write down affirmations and forgive yourself then others once you find happiness within your true authentic self. Then you'll achieve nothing but Growth

It can often be difficult to adopt a view that's a complete 180. What I find works better, especially with my clients, is to think through your past times and find examples when you were successful, or you were able to learn and improve. After finding those examples, ask yourself these questions: "What was it about you that allowed you to do that? What qualities or strengths helped you get there? How can you apply these same strengths to your current situation?"

In my experience we can have a growth mindset in some things and not in others. We often don't even know this. It takes awareness to discover where our fixed mindset lives and to try to course correct for this. Finding awareness can help with recognising where we may have a fixed mindset.

Simply put, you get more of what you focus on. Your brain literally pays more attention to what you invest energy in. So if you choose to focus more on gratitude and optimism, your brain will start to look for more opportunities to be grateful and happy. If you spend all your time thinking about problems and things that have gone wrong, then that is what you will continue to see, regardless of your reality. This gratitude exercise is simple and powerful, yet people aren't aware of why it works so they don't bother trying. In fact, most people live their lives thinking and feeling whatever comes up moment to moment, with no effort around managing what they focus on.

The practice of Gratitude is one of the greatest tools given us by Positive Psychology. We must remember that there are many personalities that are naturally pessimistic. This is a natural personality type and should not be viewed as bad or negative. Practicing gratitude can be beneficial to all personality types including the pessimists among us. It is easy for an optimist to practice Gratitude no so much for the pessimist.

Strong, positive close relationships are also the key to happiness. A study run by Harvard in 1938 over 85 years showed that having close, positive relationships were the biggest predictor of a happy life. Most of us think that attaining wealth or career success leads to happiness, when the truth is it's all about quality connections. When you're happier, you're more able to be resilient, and vice versa.

Strong Relationships (positive relationships) is one of the pillars of wellness in Positive Psychology. In order to flourish it is a great benefit to have a positive relationship or many relationships that are positive. It is not always easy to attain this level of relationship and one of the great tools to nourish your relationships is positive enquiry from Dr Martin Seligman. This is where you enquire after your friend's day or activity or wellbeing with interest and curiosity. If you can incorporate these into your conversations you may well find that all of your relationships benefit.

There are some cultures that do not condone emotions. As a result, you might find it difficult to recognize what you're feeling, or even that you are feeling something until you're already in the middle of it. If this is you, you may find it helpful to work with a counselor, therapist, or coach to identify your emotions and better manage them. The other thing that many people aren't aware of is the connection between your emotions and your body. Again, there is a cultural component that makes it harder for some people to recognize that the physical sensations they experience are a result of their emotions. Practice noticing how your body feels when you're happy and relaxed, vs how it feels when you're stressed or upset. What do you see?

I find the idea of “managing emotions” dangerously vague & when there are gaps in information, people fill in the gaps. In my experience, people translate “manage” as “suppress” & that’s where the issues start. Most children are told to be quiet, not cry, be compliant - we have systems educating this approach today. But if a child hurts themselves, doesn’t get their needs met, why wouldn’t they cry/complain? But parenting (our first ever boss) teaches suppression of feelings to gain social acceptance. Instead, let’s teach children & adults alike, that we can safely feel in the moment. Because it’s years of emotional suppression that leads to emotional explosions coupled with not understanding. So better communication too.

Self regulation is something that can be developed through mindfulness and meditation and also with practical tools such as practice. When you feel you have lost control of your emotions it is difficult in the moment to take back control. You can always retrospectively reflect on what happened and how, if you had another chance, you might like to respond rather than react.

I encourage my clients to come to their emotions with gentle curiosity. Painful emotions are a sign that something deeper is going on. If you don't understand what that is, those emotions will keep showing up and, depending on the root cause, can escalate to a crisis point.

Courage is the fuel for action. You'll only build confidence through learning and mastery, so courage comes before confidence. So have your own back, no matter what: - Go in with the intent to learn, not be perfect - Allow all the feelings. Learning can be uncomfortable, especially if there are some "high stakes" elements. No need to judge yourself for feeling anxious or nervous. - Don't beat yourself up if things don't go well. Celebrate and be proud of your courage, evaluate for what went well and what didn't and move on. Treating yourself well regardless of the outcome creates resilience and the energy to keep trying and learning.

I teach people to build resilience through Positive Intelligence Training - the 6 week courses is proven to improve mental fitness -by teaching how to identify and tame 'Saboteur' negative voices (including the Judge, Victim, Pleaser ....) and engage positive emotions (such as empathy and problem solving). Developed by Stanford University Professor Shirzad Chamine, it has been proven to increase positivity, productivity and enhance relationships. The practical applications have a positive impact on all areas of your life. You can find out more about how and why it works and read testimonials on my website at https://www.helenquinnlifecoach.co.uk/pages/mental-fitness-pq 'If you change nothing, nothing changes.'

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