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Last updated on 2024年6月6日

How do you build confidence for difficult conversations?

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Having difficult conversations can be stressful, challenging, and sometimes even scary. Whether you need to give feedback, negotiate, resolve conflict, or assert yourself, you may feel anxious, nervous, or insecure about how to communicate effectively and respectfully. However, avoiding or postponing these conversations can make things worse and damage your relationships, performance, and confidence. That's why learning how to build confidence for difficult conversations is a valuable skill that can help you achieve your goals, improve your communication, and strengthen your self-esteem.

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1 Identify the purpose

Before you initiate a difficult conversation, you need to be clear about why you want to have it and what you hope to achieve. Having a clear purpose can help you focus on the main message, avoid distractions, and prepare for possible outcomes. Ask yourself what the problem is, how it affects you and others, and what you want to change or improve. Write down your purpose and keep it in mind throughout the conversation.

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Paulina Palka

Companies & Organisations - transform communication challenges into business opportunities | Enhance employee engagement and retention via improved communication | Certified Coach, Mentor & Trainer
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In my experience, identifying the purpose requires a mix of self-reflection and strategic thinking. Sometimes, there isn't one issue but a string of them. Focus on the MOST important issue first. Trying to tackle everything at once can derail the whole conversation.

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Amber McKinney

Recruiter Connect Specialist | Non-Profit Workforce Development Professional | Military Spouse
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I like to prepare an outline before I speak. It keeps me on track. It's easy to deviate from the reason you are having a difficult conversation. The outline will allow you to bring your focus back to your purpose. It will also keep the conversation from dragging on and on.

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Julia Toronczak, ACC, WPCC

Empowering anxious and ambitious women to build their confidence and find fulfillment outside of their 9-5 | Confidence & Fulfillment Coach | Yoga Instructor | PTSD Thriver | Down Syndrome Advocate
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Defining a clear purpose, and de-personalizing it from the person you will have the difficult conversation with is essential. Rather than referring to the person, stick to the purpose of what the conversation is about.

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2 Prepare yourself

Once you have identified your purpose, you need to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the conversation. This means acknowledging your feelings, managing your stress, and adopting a positive mindset. You can do this by practicing self-care, breathing exercises, affirmations, or visualization techniques. You can also rehearse the conversation with a friend, a coach, or yourself. This can help you anticipate questions, objections, or emotions, and plan how to respond calmly and constructively.

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Julia Toronczak, ACC, WPCC

Empowering anxious and ambitious women to build their confidence and find fulfillment outside of their 9-5 | Confidence & Fulfillment Coach | Yoga Instructor | PTSD Thriver | Down Syndrome Advocate
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Preparation is key for difficult conversations. Practice self-care, maybe do a quick grounding breathwork practice right before the meeting, find a way to calm your nerves. It may be helpful to write down the points you need to review, and practice what you want to say with a friend, mentor, or coach. Make sure to separate the issue from the person, and speak to the issue.

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Amber McKinney

Recruiter Connect Specialist | Non-Profit Workforce Development Professional | Military Spouse
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Removing your own emotion can make difficult conversations easier. After you remove emotion, you stick to the facts. Allow facts to be your driving force. Always remain professional. Seek guidance from a mentor in the field who has great experience.

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3 Choose the right time and place

Another important factor that can affect your confidence and the outcome of the conversation is the timing and location. You want to choose a time and place that is convenient, comfortable, and respectful for both parties. Avoid having difficult conversations when you or the other person are busy, tired, hungry, or distracted. Also, avoid public or noisy places that can compromise privacy or communication. Instead, opt for a quiet and neutral setting that allows for eye contact and body language.

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4 Listen actively and empathetically

One of the most essential skills for having difficult conversations is listening. Listening actively and empathetically means paying attention to what the other person is saying, how they are saying it, and what they are feeling. It also means asking open-ended questions, clarifying misunderstandings, and summarizing key points. Listening can help you understand the other person's perspective, show respect and interest, and build rapport and trust.

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Julia Toronczak, ACC, WPCC

Empowering anxious and ambitious women to build their confidence and find fulfillment outside of their 9-5 | Confidence & Fulfillment Coach | Yoga Instructor | PTSD Thriver | Down Syndrome Advocate
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It's essential to be able to listen openly and empathetically while having difficult conversations. A practice I love to use is to imagine you and the other person sitting on the same side of the table, and the issue is on the other end. That way, you can both work together to resolve the issue, and create space to listen to each other without judgement.

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Amber McKinney

Recruiter Connect Specialist | Non-Profit Workforce Development Professional | Military Spouse
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Communication is a two way street. You can't have only a speaker. You always need a listener. As a listener you must keep an open mind. So many times people are ready to respond without truly listening to what is being shared. When you listen to only respond with the first thing you think you heard, you've missed communicating effectively. Speak and listen with intention.

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5 Speak assertively and respectfully

Another key skill for having difficult conversations is speaking. Speaking assertively and respectfully means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly, honestly, and confidently, without being aggressive, passive, or defensive. It also means using "I" statements, avoiding blame or criticism, and acknowledging the other person's point of view. Speaking assertively and respectfully can help you communicate your purpose, negotiate solutions, and maintain your dignity and self-respect.

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6 Follow up and reflect

After you have had the difficult conversation, you need to follow up and reflect on the process and the outcome. Following up means checking in with the other person, confirming agreements or actions, and showing appreciation and support. Reflecting means evaluating your performance, identifying strengths and weaknesses, and learning from feedback or mistakes. Following up and reflecting can help you reinforce the positive results, address any remaining issues, and improve your confidence for future conversations.

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Julia Toronczak, ACC, WPCC

Empowering anxious and ambitious women to build their confidence and find fulfillment outside of their 9-5 | Confidence & Fulfillment Coach | Yoga Instructor | PTSD Thriver | Down Syndrome Advocate
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Following up is a great way to show that you care and to also resolve any loose-ends. It's also essential to reflect and observe where you did well, and see where you could have done better so that you can improve for future scenarios.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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How do you build confidence for difficult conversations?

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2

3

4

5

6

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1 Identify the purpose

2 Prepare yourself

3 Choose the right time and place

4 Listen actively and empathetically

5 Speak assertively and respectfully

6 Follow up and reflect

7 Here’s what else to consider

Confidence Building

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