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How do you balance assertiveness and empathy when dealing with a difficult or hostile negotiator?

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Negotiating with someone who is difficult or hostile can be a stressful and challenging situation. You may feel frustrated, angry, or intimidated by their behavior, and wonder how to get your point across without escalating the conflict or compromising your interests. In this article, you will learn how to balance assertiveness and empathy when dealing with a difficult or hostile negotiator, and how to use some effective strategies to achieve a positive outcome.

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1 Understand their perspective

The first step to balance assertiveness and empathy is to try to understand the perspective of the other party. What are their needs, goals, emotions, and motivations? Why are they acting in a difficult or hostile way? Are they feeling threatened, insecure, or misunderstood? By putting yourself in their shoes, you can empathize with their situation and show them respect and recognition. This can help you reduce their defensiveness and hostility, and create a rapport and trust.

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Julie Brown

Certified Coach helping passionate Heart Lead Coaches, Therapists and Leaders grow their audience and business with Integrity and service.
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One thing I find helpful is to listen to connect, not listening to be right, or to try to look for weak spots. When we understand that although we may not agree with the person the way they see their experience is true to them in that moment. Communication is always best when you choose the right time to suggest an alternative view. If you find your emotions are high that's the time to self regulate and know you will not be communicating as efficiently then.

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2 Communicate your interests

The second step to balance assertiveness and empathy is to communicate your interests clearly and confidently. What are you trying to achieve, and why is it important to you? How do you feel about the situation, and what are your concerns and expectations? By expressing your interests, you can assert your position and rights, and show them that you are serious and prepared. This can help you avoid ambiguity and misunderstanding, and establish your credibility and authority.

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3 Listen actively

The third step to balance assertiveness and empathy is to listen actively to the other party. What are they saying, and what are they not saying? How are they feeling, and how are they expressing it? By listening actively, you can demonstrate your attention and curiosity, and show them that you care and value their input. This can help you acknowledge their feelings and opinions, and identify their interests and concerns.

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Dr. Jo PsyD, E-RYT, RYT

Holistic Life Coach, Owner of TulaSoul | Doctor of Psychology (PsyD)
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One way to practice active listening is to repeat what the other person says after they finish speaking since we all hear through filters. For example, after the individual you're speaking with finishes their declaration, say, "I heard you say that..." and rephrase slightly, but essentially repeat what you heard them say so that they can confirm that you did, indeed, hear their message correctly, or they have a chance to re-explain their intended message. This might seem pedantic and unnecessary, but you'll be surprised how often we don't actually hear the intended message, since we're interpreting through our own bias, or we're in our own minds preparing our response or counterargument.

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4 Ask open-ended questions

The fourth step to balance assertiveness and empathy is to ask open-ended questions to the other party. What do they want, and why do they want it? How do they see the situation, and what are their alternatives? How do they think the problem can be solved, and what are their criteria for a fair agreement? By asking open-ended questions, you can encourage them to share more information and insights, and show them that you are interested and willing to learn. This can help you clarify their assumptions and expectations, and discover their underlying needs and values.

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5 Reframe the problem

The fifth step to balance assertiveness and empathy is to reframe the problem in a way that is mutually beneficial and constructive. How can you turn the conflict into a collaboration, and the hostility into a cooperation? How can you find common ground and shared goals, and emphasize the positive aspects and opportunities? How can you create a win-win situation, and generate creative and acceptable options? By reframing the problem, you can change the tone and direction of the negotiation, and show them that you are flexible and solution-oriented. This can help you reduce the tension and negativity, and increase the satisfaction and commitment.

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6 Manage your emotions

The sixth and final step to balance assertiveness and empathy is to manage your emotions effectively. How do you cope with stress, anger, or frustration during the negotiation? How do you control your impulses, reactions, and expressions? How do you maintain your calmness, confidence, and professionalism? By managing your emotions, you can avoid being provoked or overwhelmed by the other party, and show them that you are respectful and rational. This can help you preserve your dignity and integrity, and influence their behavior and attitude.

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Sarah Klapprodt

Freelance Writer/Author/Poet/SEO Content Writer/Minffulness Life Coach/Meditation Instructor/Art Therapist/Mindfulness Coach/Yoga Instructor/Reiki Master/Ordained Interfaith Minister/Artist
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Managing and suppressing emotions are two different matters. Suppressing feelings involves holding them back, stopping thoughts about them, and turning them inward. Unexpressed emotions can manifest as passive-aggressive behavior, a hostile or cynical personality, health issues, or depression. In managing emotions, you step back, use a tool such as breathwork, journaling, or meditation, and calm feelings before you engage in a possibly controversial conversation. Breathwork exercises (deep breathing or box breathing) can help to relax your mood so you can focus on active listening. Jotting down a few critical points about why you are angry can help you manage your thoughts and produce focal points for a conversation to resolve the problem.

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How do you balance assertiveness and empathy when dealing with a difficult or hostile negotiator?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 Understand their perspective

2 Communicate your interests

3 Listen actively

4 Ask open-ended questions

5 Reframe the problem

6 Manage your emotions

Stress Management

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How do you balance assertiveness and empathy when dealing with a difficult or hostile negotiator?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 Understand their perspective

2 Communicate your interests

3 Listen actively

4 Ask open-ended questions

5 Reframe the problem

6 Manage your emotions

Stress Management

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