Working effectively with someone you don't like can be challenging, but it's not impossible. In fact, it can be an opportunity to improve your relationship building skills and demonstrate your professionalism. Here are some tips to help you cope with a difficult co-worker and collaborate successfully.
The first step is to understand why you don't like this person and how it affects your work. Is it a personal issue, such as clashing personalities, values, or opinions? Or is it a work-related issue, such as different styles, expectations, or goals? Try to be objective and honest about the situation and your own role in it. Avoid making assumptions or judgments about the other person's motives or intentions.
Mastering collaboration often starts with understanding the roots of disagreement. In our professional journey, we inevitably encounter individuals whose perspectives differ from our own. Rather than letting personal biases cloud our judgment, dive into the heart of conflicts. It's about seeking to comprehend, not to confront. Ask yourself: What exactly is causing the friction? Is it a clash of ideas, values, or simply a misunderstanding? By pinpointing the source, we transform obstacles into opportunities for growth. Strong relationships are built on mutual respect and a willingness to see beyond our preconceptions. Let's embrace diversity in thoughts and people as a gateway to richer, more productive collaborations.
In my experience, with personal issues or perceived conflict, I've found it best to look past the conflict in order to both succeed at the project at hand. Here are 3 tips for doing this effectively: 1) Focus on the other person's strengths that add to this particular project. 2) Remind yourself of your own imperfections, who you want to become, and how you'd like for other's to hold grace for you in the interim (and then extend that same grace to the other person.) 3) Look ahead to the end of the project and the success that will come from the collaborative efforts. By following these, you'll have the right mindset for moving forward in the moment - and you never know, you may end up realizing the conflict no longer exists.
Working with someone you may not see eye to eye with is common. This is where humility and courage comes into play. Search yourself to ensure you are not bringing bias into this working relationship. Adjust accordingly once you self evaluate. If the issues are stemming from the other person, it’s time to communicate strategically and effectively. Find common ground, reiterate the common work goals and focus on that with the party involved. If the person is rational, you should be able to respect each other while working. If reinforcement is needed, connect with your manager for advisement by stating facts, not feelings. Work together to adjust respectfully to create value for your organization.
Community engagement, workplace, and organizing are never the mindset, for I do not like this person. The common goal is to win and make that initiative, project, or campaign a Win for the organization. Early in my career, I worked with some of the top campaign organizers, and my mentor told me that one day if you are to be successful in this field, there will be no permanent enemies or friends. So, I took this on as we have one common bond today: working together and accomplishing the mission. Now, I advise you to work with someone you may have differences with because I don`t like someone working with me is too harsh to say. Please just put your differences to the side and move forward.
In my observation, it's crucial to understand that individuals can hold starkly contrasting views due to their cultural backgrounds, values, and beliefs. However, this divergence doesn't inherently label one perspective as correct and the other as incorrect. It's the evaluative framework that varies, not the intrinsic worth of the individual. Embracing this perspective allows for harmonious coexistence. Conflicts arise primarily from the desire to establish a hierarchy of right and wrong.
The next step is to find some common ground with this person and focus on the positive aspects of working with them. What are some shared interests, values, or goals that you can relate to? How can you leverage their strengths, skills, or expertise to benefit the project or the team? How can you show respect, appreciation, or recognition for their contributions? By emphasizing the common ground, you can reduce the negative emotions and build rapport.
When studying Positive Intelligence with Shirzad Chamine, he shared a powerful tool when in conflict, or with someone you don't like: Find the 10%. Assume the other person, no matter what they say or how you feel about it, is AT LEAST 10% right. SEEK that 10%, where are you in agreement, and start there when you contribute. Illuminate and acknowledge the common ground first.
Todos nós temos pontos positivos, mesmo as pessoas com as quais n?o nos identificamos. Por isso, precisamos olhar para essas pessoas de uma maneira neutra, sem ideias preconcebidas, para que possamos identificar os pontos fortes desses profissionais e como eles podem contribuir. Em muitos casos, podemos até nos surpreender e mudar a nossa opini?o sobre essas pessoas. Sem falar que, com pessoas diferentes, temos muito mais oportunidades de aprender e enxergar as situa??es sob outros pontos de vista.
Everyone has something in common. Are you viewing this person as your enemy? Or, are you viewing them as your teammate? Someone has to step up and take responsibility at some point if there is going to be progress in the relationship. There is a reason you are both talking to each other. Discover why that is and how you got there. Tell your story and allow for them to tell theirs as well. Turns out, you might have more in common that you think!
Ultimately everyone is doing their best with the back stories they have lived. If you can approach difficult people with a sense of curiosity certainly some commonality can be discovered. Take the time to widen the scope of your experiences and knowledge of the person that challenges you. Ask a lot of questions to learn more about the persons back story and more times than not you will find something that softens the tension.
The only way you will both be effective will be by focusing on the tasks at hand. You will each have duties that must be accomplished. Any interaction required must be handled professionally and to the best of your abilities. If the issue of contention surfaces during your working together, it must not be acted upon. Your actions and communication must be strictly professional and detached from any emotional animosity you might be feeling. Do not allow any one, especially the person you have a problem with, draw you to say or do something you might regret. If this becomes a problem that threatens the project, you need to bring it to the supervisor's attention.
The third step is to communicate effectively with this person and avoid unnecessary conflicts. This means being clear, respectful, and constructive in your messages, listening actively and empathetically to their perspective, and giving and receiving feedback gracefully. It also means avoiding gossip, criticism, or sarcasm that can damage the relationship and the work environment. If you have a disagreement or a problem, try to resolve it directly and diplomatically, rather than escalating or avoiding it.
The hardest part in communicating with someone yo you don't like is from trying to UNDERSTAND THEM. Not just to RESPOND. Are you listening to UNDERSTAND? Or, are you listening to RESPOND? The other person will pick up on this pretty quickly if it's just to respond. Sometimes their ego can get in the way of being questioned. That's ok. If you are going to build the relationship, you have to be willing to take that risk and confront the issue. If not, it's not likely things will ever get better...
In my experience, you have to go the extra mile to treat them like you want to be treated….A valuable member of your team! When you do, you will start to see where you both can work together for the mutual benefit of the project.
To reduce chances of confrontation have a strategy and take the high road. Place yourself in a solid mental state before interactions to reduce the chances of conflict. This may mean taking a few deep breaths before conversations or repeating some centering affirmations before meeting with the individual. You may even want a third party present as much as possible to reduce miscommunications. Set your intention for as positive an outcome as possible and don’t reduce yourself to gossip or jumping to conclusions.
Working effectively with someone you don't like hinges on effective communication. Prioritize professionalism, focusing on mutual goals. Communicate clearly and respectfully, setting boundaries if needed. Listen actively, understanding their perspective despite personal feelings. Seek common ground and maintain a solution-oriented approach. Address conflicts calmly, emphasizing collaboration. Acknowledge differences but emphasize shared objectives. Keep interactions professional and task-focused, minimizing personal bias. Effective communication fosters understanding, mitigates friction, and allows for productive collaboration despite personal differences.
Acredito que devemos tratar os outros como gostaríamos de ser tratados, e isso inclui as pessoas de quem n?o gostamos. Se gostamos de ser tratados com respeito, devemos fazer o mesmo com todos, mesmo que haja diferen?as. Se n?o gostamos de fofocas envolvendo o nosso nome, n?o devemos iniciar ou incentivar fofocas envolvendo o nome dessas pessoas. Uma conversa sincera geralmente é a melhor op??o, mas é fundamental avaliarmos se essas pessoas est?o preparadas para receber feedbacks ou terem conversas difíceis, pois isso nem sempre é a realidade. Uma boa leitura de cenário pode nos direcionar para um caminho de tentar resolver as diferen?as através de um papo sincero ou se apenas vamos seguir convivendo civilizadamente no ambiente de trabalho.
The fourth step is to set boundaries and expectations with this person and respect theirs. This means being assertive and respectful of your own needs, preferences, and limits, as well as theirs. It also means being realistic and flexible about what you can and cannot do, and what you expect from them and what they expect from you. If you have different roles, responsibilities, or priorities, make sure to clarify them and align them with the project or the team goals.
To set quality boundaries and expectations you need to take the time to clearly define them for yourself. This crucial step is often overlooked. Make a list of ideal boundaries/expectations and the corresponding resultant behaviors. Be as specific as possible so you can clearly and effectively communicate your desires. Determine what behaviors are non-negotiable and what behaviors you are willing to compromise on. Are you willing to hold yourself accountable to upholding these boundaries? All too often boundaries are set but the follow through is lacking which results in increased frustration and animosity for both parties. So be sure to set solid boundaries.
Remind them that you have a goal based on project completion, or responsibilities, that would allow you to maximize your available time to team up in areas they need help in. "I should be done around 3, if we can set that time aside to iron out the wrinkles in this issue more."
Define your comfort zone and communication preferences. Be upfront about how you like to work and be respectful of theirs, find a common ground to work better together.
Estabelecer limites e expectativas é fundamental, mas é preciso lembrar que muito deles devem ser definidos pela empresa; o que muitas vezes n?o acontece. A fun??o da pessoa A, é A1, A2 e A3. A fun??o da pessoa B, é B1, B2 e B3. Quer dizer que n?o posso sugerir algo que n?o é da minha área? Claro, mas é preciso se atentar para: ser colaborativo, é uma coisa, interferir no trabalho do colega, é outra.
The fifth step is to seek support and feedback from others who can help you work effectively with this person and improve your relationship building skills. This could be your manager, a mentor, a coach, or a trusted colleague. They can offer you advice, guidance, or feedback on how to handle the situation, how to improve your communication or collaboration skills, or how to deal with the stress or frustration. They can also help you see the situation from a different perspective or find alternative solutions.
A coach can provide a fresh, unbiased viewpoint on situations, individuals, or incidents. Because you perceive the coach as a neutral party genuinely interested in your well-being, you begin to perceive things differently, benefiting from newfound insights. This enables you to engage with individuals more logically rather than emotionally. Many of my clients approach me when they feel trapped under what they perceive as a toxic boss or manager, especially when they believe higher-ups fail to grasp their predicament, leading them to contemplate a job change. My goal with these clients is to help them secure promotions within their current environment if they perceive their organization as excellent with competitive compensation.
Talk to a trusted colleague or mentor for advice, asking for help from trusted resources is always an option. Their objective perspective can offer valuable insights.
Buscar apoio é fundamental, mas é preciso ter respaldo dentro da empresa. E quando fizer isso, lembre-se de ser assertivo e respeitoso, caso contrário, pode ficar parecendo só uma fofoca. (o que muitas vezes é e precisamos admitir isso)
The sixth step is to keep learning and growing from this experience and use it as an opportunity to develop your relationship building skills and your professionalism. Working effectively with someone you don't like can teach you valuable lessons about yourself, others, and work. It can help you develop your emotional intelligence, your conflict resolution skills, your adaptability, and your resilience. It can also help you build your reputation, your network, and your career.
ositive Reinforcement: Acknowledge and appreciate the other person’s good work or contributions. Positive reinforcement can change the dynamics of the relationship and can lead to a more amicable working environment.
Be willing to admit when you're out of your depth. Don't give up, but seek guidance. There are some relationships that are very difficult. Even worse, there are times when a coworker may actively try to bring you down or sabotage your work. It happens and it's awful when it does. Reach out to someone you can trust and get advice. Start documenting everything, even if it's just a hand-written note with a date and what happened.
View this as an opportunity to develop your communication and conflict resolution skills. Every hurdle crossed is a step towards professional maturity.
1°) Eu sei que pode ser desgastante, mas tente extrair aprendizados desta experiência. Conviver com pessoas diferentes pode ser muito bom. 2°) Está ficando muito difícil? Está lhe fazendo mal? Talvez seja a hora de mudar. Essa é uma decis?o que deve ser tomada com muito critério, mas, às vezes, é o que precisamos fazer. Se decidir por isso, fique em paz também :)
1o) Eu sei que pode ser desgastante, mas tente extrair aprendizados desta experiência. Conviver com pessoas diferentes pode ser muito bom. 2o) Está ficando muito difícil? Está lhe fazendo mal? Talvez seja a hora de mudar. Essa é uma decis?o que deve ser tomada com muito critério, mas, às vezes, é o que precisamos fazer. Se decidir por isso, fique em paz também :)
Chief Marketing Officer - Enterprise Security Group @Broadcom | People-First Leadership
Another strategy to deal with someone you find difficult is to be intentional about expressing empathy—considering how they may be feeling or what they might be thinking. I have had to do this many times in my career. Sit down with them and talk through your work together, describe how their behaviour is impacting you—and listen to their perspective. It’s possible their intention doesn’t match their impact, and that you can improve how you behave as well.
Working with someone you don't like, -Put yourself in their shoes. -Give thought to their concerns about yourself and try to be unbiased and logical. -Learn to appreciate and start on the common ground. -Be the bigger person and show empathy. -
Identify three qualities of the person and remind yourself of these qualities before you engage with them. We all have these redeemable qualities. Take the time to seek them out in the people you don’t like! This technique is sometimes called the magpie technique as magpies are attracted to shiny things. Have the courage to look for the “shiny” qualities in the people you don’t like!
I hold the belief that life becomes truly enriching when one cultivates meaningful relationships across all facets of existence. The art of nurturing these bonds is a continuous journey of learning and growth, an endeavor to refine and excel in. Learning to transform adversaries into allies and strangers into supporters is a testament to this skill. By mastering this craft, whether you're an employee, entrepreneur, or any professional, you not only thrive in your career but also lead a deeply fulfilling life. Indeed, that's precisely the approach I adopt with all my clients. By assisting them in honing their relationship-building skills, they invariably begin to flourish in every aspect of their lives.
Workplace dynamics are a complex tapestry of personalities contributing to the overall fabric of the organization. A valuable lesson I learned from a former boss, whose leadership philosophy left a lasting impression, is that professional relationships should prioritize productivity and collaboration. He once said, "I don't care if my employees are friends, but I do expect them to be great coworkers." This statement emphasizes the need to separate personal feelings from professional responsibilities. Cultivate a mindset that prioritizes tasks, organizational objectives, and targeted goals over personal opinions, approaching interactions with professionalism that transcends personal differences.