Stories are powerful tools for communication, persuasion, and connection. They can help you engage your negotiation partner, build trust, and create value. In this article, you will learn how to use stories effectively in your negotiation process, and what kinds of stories to tell or avoid.
Stories are more than just anecdotes or entertainment. They are ways of making sense of the world, expressing emotions, and influencing others. Stories can activate the brain, trigger empathy, and shape memory. When you tell a story, you invite your negotiation partner to see things from your perspective, to feel what you feel, and to remember what you say. Stories can also help you overcome resistance, bridge gaps, and find common ground.
Stories deepen understanding and more. When I negotiate, I use stories to describe how the terms will impact each of us on a day to day basis and in the long term. This can be helpful to identify what will work well and what may be a challenge. It will also reveal what is in agreement, what needs further discussion, and when more brainstorming is necessary.
Have them share THEIR stories so you have an opportunity to see things from THEIR perspective. Not the other way around. The more you talk, the more you fall in love with the delicious melody you are playing, the more you risk saying something that you shouldn't have said. Negotiation is a mutual effort between two or more parties with both parties having the right to say No. Its etymology is "No idleness". Don't switch your negotiating brain to "idle" by playing a tape, however wonderful it sounds to you. Invite them to play THEIR tape.
To tell a story well, you need to have a clear purpose, a compelling structure, and a relevant message. Your purpose is why you are telling the story, and what you want to achieve. Your structure is how you organize the story, and what elements you include. Your message is what you want your negotiation partner to take away from the story, and how you want them to act. A good story has a beginning, a middle, and an end, and follows a logical sequence of events. A good story also has characters, conflict, and resolution, and shows how the characters change or learn from the experience.
When sharing a story during a negotiation, it is important to be relevant, relatable, concise and clear. It isn't just about how the issue will affect my side, it needs to also include the perspective of the other parties.
I’d add that your stories should be relatable and collaborative whenever possible to create a shared identity with your counterpart. Remember that you’re working together to solve a problem that is ideally mutually beneficial. It’s you AND them vs. the problem — not you vs. them. Tell stories that highlight shared experiences, commonality, and aim to improve your likability and trust for better outcomes.
The stories you tell in your negotiation should be relevant, authentic, and positive. Relevance means that the story is connected to the negotiation topic, the interests of your partner, and the situation at hand. Authenticity means that the story is true, credible, and consistent with your values and identity. Positivity means that the story is optimistic, constructive, and solution-oriented. You can tell stories about yourself, your organization, your customers, your industry, or your vision. You can also tell stories about successful negotiations, best practices, or common challenges.
Add stories about how you (or others) have overcome similar challenges in the past. You don’t necessarily need to shy away from telling stories with bad outcomes either. Often we learn more from what didn’t go well than from when everything goes perfect. “One time I worked with a client and we were both resistant to changing our minds. Fast forward a few weeks and we failed to win the bigger client opportunity… next time…” Don’t shy away from the real stuff — that’s where the authenticity and great stories lay.
The stories you avoid in your negotiation are those that are irrelevant, dishonest, or negative. Irrelevance means that the story is unrelated to the negotiation topic, the interests of your partner, or the situation at hand. Dishonesty means that the story is false, exaggerated, or inconsistent with your values and identity. Negativity means that the story is pessimistic, destructive, or problem-focused. You should avoid stories that are too personal, too complex, too long, or too boring. You should also avoid stories that are offensive, defensive, or manipulative.
Listening to stories is as important as telling them in your negotiation. Listening to stories can help you understand your partner, build rapport, and discover opportunities. When you listen to stories, you need to be attentive, curious, and respectful. Attentiveness means that you pay attention to the story, the speaker, and the context. Curiosity means that you ask questions, seek clarification, and explore deeper meanings. Respect means that you acknowledge the story, the emotions, and the values of your partner.
Responding to stories is a way of showing appreciation, empathy, and agreement in your negotiation. When you respond to stories, you need to be positive, supportive, and constructive. Positivity means that you express gratitude, praise, or admiration for the story or the speaker. Supportiveness means that you show understanding, sympathy, or solidarity with the emotions or the values of your partner. Constructiveness means that you offer feedback, suggestions, or solutions that are relevant to the story or the negotiation goal.