How can you use mindfulness to improve communication with people who have different styles?

Self-awareness is key for understanding our own communication styles. Having a level of knowledge and understanding about our own communication style and how it can potentially affect others is so crucial to positive working and interpersonal relationships. It not only can help us improve how we communicate, it can also get us in touch with a deeper awareness of our motivation and passions. For example, if someone has the gift of gab, they're aware of it, and know that it comes from a place of wanting to build relationships, they may notice when they're dominating a conversation too much and what effect that has. They'll want to give others a chance to speak because it's aligned with their value of relationship-building.

I think the best way to respect communication styles different from our own is to truly listen and genuinely try to understand. It's also just as important to never make assumptions or sweeping generalizations about others solely based on interactions in a professional setting. Perhaps some choose to communicate differently while at work than in their personal lives. People may have struggles outside work. It's always better to ask questions to better understand someone than accept or assert an assumption that may not be true. A previous boss once told me she didn't think I was gregarious. However, she made this assumption herself. Not only did this assumption offend me, it affected my overall confidence.

Adapting communication styles to our various audience(s) is vital to successful and meaningful exchanges. I think it is also the differentiator between a good leader and an excellent leader. A good leader may tell you that they value open communication but may really only assert that because they want access to your ideas. Otherwise, they don't really listen or try to understand you. An excellent leader will adapt to your communication style, respecting it and valuing it because it's part of who you are. They won't just talk at you and then pump you for ideas. They'll listen to your concerns whenever and however you express them, so they can best respond to and resolve these concerns.

Active listening is a superpower! Perhaps it comes more easily to others, but it's worth continually honing this skill. The more we listen rather than just hear, the better we can understand the subtext of what others are saying. Thus, we can better understand how to respond in a way that's best for someone. Perhaps the hidden intent of a speaker is that they just want to be heard. Maybe they're overexplaining because they feel misunderstood. In other cases, they really do need help and want to know if you have a solution. I truly believe active listening will improve overall emotional intelligence with regular practice.

Empathy and self-awareness go a long way to diffuse conflict. Empathy is critical for understanding the other person's point of view -- even if you don't agree with their perceptions. If you at least can understand how someone is feeling, this can guide your response. If you were feeling similarly to them, how would you want to be treated? Having self-awareness allows for accountability. Both parties can own and acknowledge their own perceptions and contributions to the conflict to ultimately move forward. With accountability, you avoid the blame game and false judgments. Perhaps someone just doesn't like the way you're communicating with them, in which the solution would be to adapt your communication style.