How can you stay present and engaged during a difficult conversation with a stakeholder?

1 Identify the purpose and the goal

Before you initiate or respond to a difficult conversation, you need to clarify what is the purpose and the goal of the conversation. What is the main issue or problem that needs to be addressed? What are the expectations and needs of both parties? What are the desired outcomes and actions? Having a clear purpose and goal will help you focus on the core message and avoid distractions or tangents.

2 Prepare and practice

Once you have identified the purpose and the goal, you need to prepare and practice for the conversation. You can do some research on the stakeholder's background, perspective, and preferences. You can also anticipate their questions, concerns, or objections and prepare your responses. You can practice your communication skills, such as tone, body language, and wording, to convey your message effectively and respectfully. You can also seek feedback from a trusted colleague or mentor on your preparation and practice.

3 Listen actively and empathetically

During the conversation, you need to listen actively and empathetically to the stakeholder. You need to pay attention to their words, tone, emotions, and body language. You need to show interest and curiosity by asking open-ended questions, paraphrasing, and summarizing. You need to empathize with their feelings and needs by acknowledging, validating, and expressing understanding. You need to avoid interrupting, judging, or criticizing the stakeholder.

4 Manage your emotions and reactions

Another important aspect of staying present and engaged during a difficult conversation is managing your emotions and reactions. You need to be aware of your own feelings and triggers and how they may affect your communication. You need to regulate your emotions by breathing, pausing, and reframing. You need to respond rather than react to the stakeholder by choosing your words and actions carefully. You need to avoid defensiveness, blame, or hostility.

5 Collaborate and problem-solve

The ultimate goal of a difficult conversation is to collaborate and problem-solve with the stakeholder. You need to seek common ground and mutual understanding by aligning your goals and values. You need to explore options and alternatives by brainstorming, evaluating, and compromising. You need to agree on actions and responsibilities by setting expectations, deadlines, and follow-ups. You need to end the conversation on a positive and respectful note by thanking, appreciating, and affirming the stakeholder.

6 Reflect and learn

After the conversation, you need to reflect and learn from the experience. You need to assess the outcome and the process of the conversation. You need to identify what went well and what can be improved. You need to follow up on the actions and commitments that were agreed upon. You need to seek feedback from the stakeholder or a third party on your performance and relationship. You need to apply the lessons learned to your future conversations and interactions.