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How can you set appropriate boundaries when supporting a peer?

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Peer support is a valuable and rewarding way to help others who share similar experiences or challenges. However, it also requires setting appropriate boundaries to protect your own well-being and respect the autonomy and privacy of the peer you are supporting. In this article, you will learn some tips on how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries when providing peer support.

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Rob Page

Strategy & Operations | Tech | Product Dev | BD Sales Defence | NatSec | Gov | Coach & Mentor
JC Vishal Shah

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A.Y. Julien Ebanda Ndabo

Experienced Manager | Expert in Revenue Management, Revenue Growth and Organizational Structure Development

1 What are boundaries?

Boundaries are the limits and expectations that you set for yourself and others in a relationship. They help you define what is acceptable and unacceptable, what is comfortable and uncomfortable, and what is supportive and harmful. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, or social, and they can vary depending on the context and the person.

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JC Vishal Shah

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Setting appropriate boundaries while supporting a peer involves clear communication and respect. Start by defining your role and limitations, being honest about what you can and cannot provide. Encourage open dialogue, listen actively, and maintain confidentiality. Ensure your support doesn't lead to dependency or compromise your well-being. Boundaries safeguard both individuals' emotional health and maintain a balanced peer relationship.

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2 Why are boundaries important?

Boundaries are important for several reasons. First, they help you preserve your own energy, safety, and integrity. By setting boundaries, you can avoid overextending yourself, compromising your values, or exposing yourself to unnecessary risks. Second, they help you respect the peer you are supporting. By setting boundaries, you can acknowledge their rights, preferences, and boundaries, and avoid imposing your own agenda, opinions, or solutions. Third, they help you create a trusting and respectful relationship. By setting boundaries, you can communicate clearly, honestly, and consistently, and avoid misunderstandings, conflicts, or resentment.

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Rob Page

Strategy & Operations | Tech | Product Dev | BD Sales Defence | NatSec | Gov | Coach & Mentor
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I think often people perceive boundaries as “I won’t” or “not beyond here”. But they can also be hugely empowering. “I’m happy to discuss or work on something up to this point”. It enables people to better understand without having to infer or perceive the limits of what might be possible.

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A.Y. Julien Ebanda Ndabo

Experienced Manager | Expert in Revenue Management, Revenue Growth and Organizational Structure Development
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Boundaries are important because they help us to protect our physical and emotional well-being. They communicate to others what is and is not acceptable behavior, and they allow us to maintain a healthy balance between our needs and the needs of others. Setting boundaries can be difficult even more in a work environment, but it is important to remember that you have a right to protect yourself, your menthal-health and your well-being.

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3 How to set boundaries?

Setting boundaries is not always easy, but it is possible with some practice and self-awareness. To set boundaries when supporting a peer, begin by reflecting on your own needs and values in the relationship. What are you willing and able to give and receive? Then, communicate your boundaries clearly and respectfully. Use assertive language and avoid blaming or judging the peer. Respect the peer's boundaries as much as you expect them to respect yours. Listen to their needs and values, and honor their choices and preferences. Additionally, review and adjust your boundaries as needed; they may change depending on the situation or relationship. Ultimately, setting boundaries can help you inform and reassure the peer, while also protecting your mental health.

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A.Y. Julien Ebanda Ndabo

Experienced Manager | Expert in Revenue Management, Revenue Growth and Organizational Structure Development
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There are many ways to set boundaries: It is important to dentify your needs and values. What is important to you? What are your non-negotiables? Once you know what your needs & values are, you can start to set boundaries that align with them. Communicate your boundaries clearly & assertively. Be specific& direct about what you are and are not comfortable with & avoid making excuses. It is okay to say no to requests that make you feel uncomfortable or that violate your boundaries. At work for example: "I am happy to help you with that project, but I need to finish my own work first." It's important to be consistent because if you make exceptions, people will learn that your boundaries are not real.

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4 How to deal with boundary violations?

Despite your best efforts, you may encounter situations where your boundaries are violated, either intentionally or unintentionally, by the peer you are supporting. It is important to address these boundary violations as soon as possible and not ignore or minimize them, as they may escalate or damage the relationship. Explain your feelings and expectations to the peer; for instance, if they call you late at night, tell them that you have a boundary of not taking calls after 10 pm and need to rest and sleep. If the peer continues to violate your boundaries, you may need to reinforce them by repeating your expectations, setting consequences, or limiting contact. If the boundary violations are severe or persistent, seek support from someone else such as a supervisor, a counselor, or a trusted friend. They can help you cope with your emotions and validate your feelings while offering advice or guidance. In extreme cases, report the peer to the authorities and seek professional help for yourself.

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5 How to end a peer support relationship?

Ending a peer support relationship can be difficult and emotional, but it can also be done in a respectful and compassionate way. To do this, it is important to plan ahead and prepare yourself and the peer for the transition. Be honest and respectful about your reasons for ending the relationship, expressing gratitude and appreciation for the peer. Additionally, providing resources and referrals can help the peer continue their journey of recovery and growth. Finally, it is important to maintain boundaries after ending a peer support relationship, not resuming it unless there is a mutual agreement.

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A.Y. Julien Ebanda Ndabo

Experienced Manager | Expert in Revenue Management, Revenue Growth and Organizational Structure Development
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Boundaries are not selfish, not one-size-fits-all, not always easy to set or to maintain so it is important to be flexible. Boundaries are not permanent either remember that. Also it is important to start small, be patient and don't get dicouraged if you make mistakes it's part of the process, seek support if at anytime you find it too hard, if you are struggling

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6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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How can you set appropriate boundaries when supporting a peer?

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4

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6

1 What are boundaries?

2 Why are boundaries important?

3 How to set boundaries?

4 How to deal with boundary violations?

5 How to end a peer support relationship?

6 Here’s what else to consider

Peer Support

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How can you set appropriate boundaries when supporting a peer?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 What are boundaries?

2 Why are boundaries important?

3 How to set boundaries?

4 How to deal with boundary violations?

5 How to end a peer support relationship?

6 Here’s what else to consider

Peer Support

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