How can you respectfully resolve conflicts?

The common issue in almost every conflict is the identified issue is rarely the underlying cause. There are layers that have been added and they are hiding the root cause. You need to peel back the layers to reveal what needs to be addressed. It requires everything mentioned in the article: active listening, empathy, open questions, AND stop assuming. Ask yourself: when was the relationship working well? what worked? what didn't work? what changed? how did it change? Consider asking those same questions of the other person. Perhaps, that will reveal that you agree the relationship was good and you both want that again. That is a great starting point.

Being able to view the situation from the other person's perspective, trying to understand how they are feeling, and being willing to accept that your view can be biased can all help to bring a higher level of understanding when attempting to resolve conflict.

Resolving conflicts is by no means easy. If attempting though, the key is to handle it professionally and not let things get out of hand. It could be bad for all parties. The first step of course is to identify the key reason for the conflict. Very often it is simply due to miscommunication and misunderstanding, so a simple fix could be clarifying everything. Take some time to take an inventory of all the issues and each parties' position on each. From here, you can then start to form a picture of where the gaps exist and start coming up with solutions to bridge these gaps - AKA compromise. Also, very often other issues, some related, some not come to the surface and this is a good time to address those too. Keep it respectful.

First of all ... if you have already established a collaborative team culture -- with overall agreement on major trends and issues, plus an agreed-upon way of addressing issues or disagreements that might arise -- then that team mindset should be able to amicably resolve any issues before they cause any disagreements to arise (or at least minimize them and facilitate a resolution.) If such a team mindset does not already exist, then use the disagreement to establish one.

Listen, Listen, Listen should be the first approach in solving any conflict. Too many times I have seen people listening to respond instead of listening to understand. Sometimes people just want to be heard. And by taking the time to listen you will be gaining their trust which leads me to my next point. You have to gain the trust of the people involved to handle the situation. Once you have listened and gained trust, then make sure to follow through on any commitments you have made. This is very important or you can right back at square one.

How you say it is often more important than what you say. What do I mean by that? Our choice of words, our body language, our tone of voice, and much more impact how someone hears what you are saying. There is a lot to think about so intentionally manage one aspect at a time. Some actionable tips are: (1) replace 'you' with 'I' (express your feelings, instead of focusing on the blame, which usually follows 'you'); (2) Listen to understand, and not to judge, assume or respond (if you start thinking about how you would have done it, or why they are wrong, you will not be listening to what they are saying); (3) manage your facial expressions (your eyes will confirm that you are listening, your smile will invite more discussion, etc).

When resolving conflict use (1) Roger's theory of "empathetic listening" to understand the other person's perspective, acknowledge their emotions and validate their feelings, (2) Use "I" oriented language to signify feelings and concerns without placing blame, following the principles of nonviolent communication, and (3) use Fisher and Ury's "principled negotiation," to seek win-win solutions.

The way you communicate ideas is always important. Showing that you are willing to listen to others' points of view can often make it easier to have a more open conversation.

One thing that’s helped me navigate difficult situations is determining if the parties involved are ready to dig into the real issue that’s driving the conflict. Depending on the situation, it may help to wait for the right time. You might be ready, but your colleague(a) may need space to process.

Important to keep in mind in this process that everyone perceives and comes at things in different ways. If you can try to understand the other person's perspective, that will go a long way in coming to a compromise and solving things. The goal is to understand their goals and create solutions that allow for both of you to achieve your goals - short or long-term. Others here have provided other excellent tips such as employing active listening and "putting your feet in their shoes". I would say it's important to understand the texture of the factors around the conflict and what's driving it. Do your best to dissect, unravel, and analyze all that. Once you map all that out, solutions will likely become readily apparent.

1/ Before approaching a conflict, check-in with your emotions. 2/ Aim to genuinely understand the emotions of the other party. 3/ Present the conflicting narratives to each other, as two perspectives on the same story. 4/ Understand that at the heart of every conflict resolution is the desire for reconciliation. It's not about winning an argument, but about harmonizing differing perspectives.