How can you manage group discussions when emotions run high?

At the onset of the session it is good to have a presentation on what a safe and brave space is. This will help set the right tone for a an open and respectful atmosphere.

First, stay calm yourself. Don't get angry or upset. Before the discussion, set some ground rules for respectful conversation, keep focussed discussion and and avoid personal attacks. It's about finding solutions and understanding each other better.

Before starting the discussion, it will serve you well to get clear on desired outcomes of the discussion, common goals, and how you want to group to feel leaving this time. This gives you something to pulse throughout the discussion and can inform how you move the discussion forward.

I have found a process called "Deep Democracy" combined with Open Space Technology very helpful. I have used this with great success in high performance teams with highly competitive members.

One thing I've found useful is to agree as a group to some guidelines for the discussion. An example might be ... we will take turns to express our thought until each of us has taken a turn. Then we can take a second turn, adding what we know want to say given we have heard everyone's thoughts. Knowing this process will be followed encourages everyone to contribute and limits the chances of people being talked over.

Setting the ground/house rules collaboratively (with participants) is a good way to be proactive in having a way to extinguish any eventual emotional fires. As participants contibuted to the rules of engagement, they are more likely to police their own behaviour.

Setting clear boundaries at the start of the meeting can help to ensure the meeting stays on track and objective-driven: - Agreeing to disagree - Refrain from the blame game - Seek to understand - Practice empathy - Take 3 mindful breaths before responding

I particularly enjoy the agreement in advance, to take turns in talking found in the Sociocracy: A structured process for decision-making, including rounds of clarifying questions, reactions, and potential objections, is used to ensure that everyone's input is considered.

I have found success in defining the boundaries for the conversation to make sure the dialogue stays focused. A flip chart or white board specifically for “parking lot” topics that come up during the discussion that are valid points/topics but don’t contribute to the purpose of the original meeting has been very valuable for my groups. This makes sure that people feel heard, but as the facilitator you make sure that the meeting stays on track to accomplish the reason why the meeting was set up.

"Rules" can feel stiff even if they are created collectively. It brings up our fears of doing the wrong thing. I often appreciate the framing of "agreements" that give a clear sense of direction without being prescriptive. One of my favorite I've seen is "we choose relationship over being right" which gives everyone permission to say what's on their mind/heart in an effort to connect rather than sticking to their point in an unyielding manner.

Paraphrasing is a good tactic to neutralise statements that are emotionally charged. For example, a participant who says, 'this is a stupid waste of time'. The emotion here is possibly frustration, anger, fear or sadness. The facilitator can look behind the emotion and highlight the real concern behind the statement by paraphrasing to say "Is there maybe a thought that what we are doing here will not result in any permanent changes, so it feels like a waste of time"...or something to that effect.

If you know you are going to have an emotive discussion or you have disengaged participants, one way to get participants to open up without fear is to play the snowball game. To play the snowball game, everyone writes down on a piece of paper their concern, they don't put their name on it , then scrunch up the piece of paper and throw it to a designated place in the meeting room. As the facilitator, collect the snowballs and either read them out loud one by one or distribute each snowball to a participant and get them to read out the scrunched message. Then collectively decide what to do about the concern. This technique diffuses the emotions in the group and helps to progress the discussion in a constructive manner.

A "good poker face" can be helpful to express neutrality but as a facilitator, I've also learned that it can be the opposite of what is needed in the moment. When discussions move into tragedy and systemic issues, sometimes participants need to know you are with them emotionally before they are open to the next discussion point. Showing a little emotion and humanity can be inviting and relatable, especially if your reputation or default is to show none.

It’s important to manage how you show up in the group. I use 3Cs: Courage, Curiosity, and Compassion. This is a great frame for any emotionally charged conversation.

Be an active listener especially when the emotions are high. Be heard to be heard. Once the listening mode is set to ON, everything else falls in place. Also should be empathatic. Group discussions should not be about right or wrong; more of sharing ideas and thought process for which open communication is utmost important.

Another way to help keep emotion from turning into unmanageable conflict is to give folks a break. Sometimes high emotions are a sign that attendees need a moment to catch their breath, go for a brief walk, take a bio break, etc.

System regulation. Takes at least 20 minutes to start the reset. If things get too heated take time out. Approach with curiosity and empathy- Not the need to be right. It can become tangled in the need to be heard. Staying aligned to the values, objectives and outcome. This means taking time- keeping the cause at the forefront . Be both brave and kind.

Figure out which part of the conflict should be part of the session and which part of the conflict can also be addressed outside the session in a separate discussion.

When emotions run high, it is helpful to create some awareness for the difference between participants' emotions and their underlying needs and interests. Emotions are usually a sign of met or unmet needs. Being clear about the needs or interests creating our emotions can be very beneficial in creating some distance between our consciousness and our emotions. By doing so, we might be able to exit our emotional spiral of thoughts more quickly and return to a clear, unblurred view of what is actually going on in and around us.

It is important to identify what part of the discussion needs to be tabled for another time. Often times items are introduced that need to be addressed but can't be addressed within the context of that meeting, the right voices aren't present or deflect from the goals of the current meeting. Tabling items for another time ensures those items will be addressed and can help mitigate conflict over those items.

A rule that I find to be incredible helpful in building consensus is the ABC rule - “Always Be Checking”. As the conversation builds, make sure that everyone is on the same page with what’s been agreed to. Using a phrase like “Just to make sure we are on the same page… … …Does anyone disagree with the summary” can be very effective for two reasons 1 - it ensures that everyone has the same understanding of what’s been discussed 2 - it invites anyone who disagrees to voice their opinion so you can directly work through the conflict openly

Similar to consensus, I like sharing the idea that we can be aligned Aligned means appreciating that different people will come with different perspectives. > with that alignment comes curiosity to understand each other's point of view > through curiosity you can agree or disagree from a more generative place. Rather than the other way around... disagreeing > feeling misunderstood > not being aligned.

It's helpful to clearly name what the common goal is and what the outcomes of this meeting/session should be so that when we get off track, we can always come back to the agreed upon goals.

It is important to recognize that the process is separate from the outcome. The process can be refined and used again and again as it is improved over time. The outcomes is specific to the topic of discussion. Allowing others to provide feedback on the process will help you improved the process.

Take a break! When emotions run high it might be because there is a sore point for the listener. Are they feeling accused? Threatened? Or even judged? A break will give time to explore other issues beneath the surface, I think???

WEALTH IS A MINDSET--As I was reading some of the perspectives, the thing I want to add is--Look at the bigger picture of having any discussion. Discussion is a way to collaborate, synergize, and progress in leadership at every level in each team player. The wealth mindset states: Wealth is a "mindset" that was given at birth... Choose at any moment the mindset you will use, which will dictate the thought, feeling, and action that follows. The etymology of the word "educate" is "to draw out", which mandates getting to know, like, and trust. BUILD NOW AND TODAY for a BETTER FOREVER! Smile

I have found that sometimes the most quiet person in the room can have the most insightful thoughts to share. Creating a space, opportunity and communication channel where everyone is well-represented is very important. This can mean giving the chance to share thoughts after the meeting and have a way for continued dialogue, perhaps via 1on1 in addition to group setting.

Listen, and then listen some more. Be responsible for really hearing the world of the alternative view. Their view doesn't make your view wrong, its just another view

Listen to understand, don't listen to respond. When emotions are running high, the worst thing a facilitator can do is listen to what they think they are hearing or what they think is going on. Too often, facilitators feel the tension, get flustered, and respond based on what they are feeling - the nervousness that stems from whatever is happening. This makes people feel unheard, misunderstood, and facipulated. This will not help the situation. So again, listen to understand. Focus on what is being said, and get to the root of why it's leading to tension. Don't assume the 'why', explore it.

Well, I believe all of these are great examples. I would also step back and start with trust. Many times when emotions are running high the theme is generally there’s a lack of trust on the team. Doing a sense check of trust and understanding peoples intentions is usually a great way to start. There’s many different exercises you can do in the space to just baseline where people are and how they are feeling. At the end of the day people need to feel heard. Reading the room and seeing where there are individuals dominating conversations while others are staying quiet is also another key indication that everybody is not feeling the same way.

In my experience, paying attention to the participants’ attitudes towards sharing opinions on sensitive subjects. For example, to some extent that older people tend to power up it suggesting to the younger participants, while younger people take it somehow serious ??. Then, there is something’s wrong with the atmosphere in the group. So, the facilitator must be aware of what to rephrase and to modify the discussing points.