How can you help team members navigate grief and loss in the workplace?

The first thing to do to support someone in grief is not to run away and not to shut them down. Ok, agreed, that’s two things, to be (not) done in close succession. 1) Check in regularly. Once a day, once a week, as much as you can. Please do not abandon the bereaved. They already feel the most excruciating loneliness. We exacerbate their pain when we absent ourselves because it makes us uncomfortable. As Glennon Doyle is fond of saying, We can do hard things. Do not try to shut down their feelings. I am always shocked to encounter people who believe that the best way to handle grief is to forget as quickly as possible and "move on." It is profoundly wrongheaded to think that the way to end grief is to turn off the fountain of grief.

Acknowledging the loss before the griever returns to the workplace is a good start. Ask them how they'd like the information about their loss shared in the workplace. Also discuss with their colleagues about what not to say... 'at least they had a good life', 'there is another angel in heaven'. People don't know what to say and then either say something like that which is hurtful( not intentionally) or they totally avoid speaking to the griever(hurtful and isolating).

It's valuable to recognize and appreciate the individual variances in how people handle grief and loss. Contrary to the belief in a singular correct grieving process, it's essential to acknowledge diverse emotional, cultural, and spiritual needs. For instance, a project leader should actively communicate with team members, understanding their preferences and expectations during challenging times, thus fostering a workplace that is supportive and compassionate.

The awkwardness of acknowledgement can be tricky for everyone to navigate. It can be very helpful to reach out to grievers before they return to work to find out how they would like their grief to be acknowledged. Do they want you to let people know what has happened so they don't have to continually tell people? Coming back to everyone saying something can be overwhelming and coming back to no one saying anything is isolating and hurtful. Working with them to set up the first few days back makes a big difference. The team leader can help smooth their return to work through open, compassionate communication.

I come from an island where acknowledging the loss right away is part of our culture. I remember the day my husband died...it looked like my whole company was at the hospital. I remember asking "who is running the operation if you're all here". Acknowledging the loss as soon as you possibly can and definitely before your co-worker returns to work can make a world of difference for them. It's not easy and can even seem awkward. Remember that you can't take away their pain so just be present for them. That can be a simple hug or a phone call to check in on them. And when they return to work, they will still be grieving so this is another time to "acknowledge the loss". There is no time frame so be kind and offer your support.

A challenge will always be projecting our own reactions or needs into them. One way to avoid that is practice deep listening and to be kind to yourself. You don’t need to be perfect for them, and it’s okay to not be sure, but being there for them with spaciousness is key. It can sound like: “I’m just checking in with you today” “Thank you for sharing” “What would feel most supportive to you” “That sounds really challenging” “ (silence)” The space for silence can also be a gift.

As a former HR leader, I remember NOT knowing how important this was. I defaulted to our Company's bereavement policy and thought that was enough. Then I lost my husband and realized...it's never enough. We are different in how we grieve, how much time we need and how we navigate coming back to work. The best way to respect individual differences is to ask your grieving employee how you can best support their return to work. Then, be open to their ideas. Get the team involved because they also will be affected by any changes that need to be made to support your employee. Be flexible, be open and be compassionate.

Respecting of individual ways of grieving is very important. Given the fact that our workplaces have people from very diverse backgrounds with different cultural differences. It is important to ask the griever the way they would like to be supported, ask for clarity where you are ignorant on whatever rituals they are mentioning and support as much as you can.

People cope differently in the workplace but it is important to know that they are grieving a unique relationship and everyone had a different relationship with the deceased. Being sensitive to their needs to move through grief and how they need to do it is critical. Some need time off, others throw themselves back into work as a distraction, others need to socialize, or deal in their way. Please don't assume, ask how you can help them as their colleague or boss and respect their needs. Grief is not linear. It moves through the phases but often goes back and forth or concurrently. Anger is one of the "first" stages of grief. Anger can come and go at any time during the grieving process. People don't "get over" loss they accept it.

The way people grieve is unique. Educate your employees not to compare their grief or anyone else's with the grief of the person coming back, no matter how similar they think it is... it isn't. Be open to listening and non judgemental in the way the person needs to grieve. find out what the griever needs to support them on their return to the workplace, and communicate this with the rest of the team. Make sure that the returning griever has access to support.

Flexibility should start with bereavement leave… in most cases, 3 days isn’t long enough to make arrangements for memorial services. Speaking to the grieving employee and seeing how much time they need, making adjustments in their workload and schedule, and offering resources and support are all signs of caring that go a long way.

Every griever is different and each time they grieve it will be different. Having a policy that sets out the supports that are available as team members reintegrate into the workplace takes the pressure off supervisors and team leaders to create on the fly. It also takes the onus off the griever to have to advocate for what they need. A consistent, flexible policy with lots of options also creates equity throughout an organization and helps build a healthy workplace culture.

Be empathetic and understanding. Show genuine empathy and understanding towards team members experiencing grief. Listen attentively, acknowledge their feelings, and offer support without judgement. Respect the privacy and boundaries of team members experiencing grief. Allow them the space and time they need to cope with their loss. Offer flexibility in work arrangements, such as adjusted schedules or reduced workload temporarily, to accommodate grieving team members' needs. Continue to offer support even after the initial period of grief. Check in periodically and be understanding of their ongoing needs as they navigate through the grieving process.

There should be a clear grief policy on how to handle people returning from loss and for their colleagues on how to support them and what to expect. Because everyone does grieve in different ways, it is important to find out whether flexible hours are an option, whether certain tasks can be shared or taken off their plate, and whether there is a quiet space needed for them to retreat to for breaks during the day. Someone should check in with them regularly to ask how they are managing and be prepared to accommodate.

People who have a loss are dealing in uncharted territory. As a leader, offering support is a way to help the grieving employee, but often they don't know what kind of support to ask for. Be observant, what you see in the workplace can help you offer them the right flexibility. Engaging the whole team and helping them understand the unique situation their colleague is in makes them more compassionate when they may have to pick up the slack for them, or help with projects.

Ideally, this is step one in supporting team members better at work. In the case of grief, understanding more about how it works and the way the symptoms can show up in the workplace makes a big difference. If the whole team understands grief better, they are more willing to help in the short term. A truly supportive environment is an ebb and flow of giving a receiving support. It makes a huge difference for grievers and allows everyone to be their whole selves at work.

A supportive culture is the ideal for everyone, not just those in grief. I think in talking about grief, this should be a priority as everyone will experience it in some form or other over their work life. Perhaps a death, but also divorce, job loss, job re-assigning when not desired, pet loss... grief is any significant loss. So the more people understand this, there is the possibility of putting in place policies that promote compassion, understanding and patience for all grievers.

A supportive culture starts by seeing team members for their whole selves, not just their roles at work. To the extent people are comfortable, encourage vulnerability and interest in people's lives outside of work. That means asking about their weekends, remembering their loved ones names (even pets!), getting familiar with their hobbies, etc. Open the door and if some don't want to walk through, that's fine but you'll be surprised how close people get when they learn just a little more about each other's lives.

Although you have feelings of grief on behalf of your colleague, your feelings must never displace that of your colleague. Over empathizing is not helpful. This is their experience. Even if you have also suffered a loss, resist the urge to connect by saying something such as, "I know how you feel" (you don't). Unless you are asked, be careful with giving advice. Some questions are invasive--let people volunteer the details of what happened.

As a leader, it is important to create a supportive environment. Foster a culture of empathy and support within the team. Encourage open communication and create safe space for team members to express their feelings.

I have a personal perspective. Provide EAP services that offer grief counseling. I was the professional that offered this service to those in need. In 2018, my son passed unexpectedly, and I immediately turned to the EAP assistance offered by my company. I never understood how important EAP assistance was or had the need or personal experience. Now I know the impact of seeking professional help. Without grief counseling, my family would have been lost; I hugged my HR Benefit Rep for the EAP program.

Encouraging professional support whether through an employee assistance program, online support groups, grief coaching is helpful. People respond to different types of support so having the resources on hand to offer them is a good plan. Grief shouldn't be done alone and so if you see the griever struggling it is a good opportunity to have a conversation about what support they have outside the workplace, and what is available to them via work.

Make sure that the resources available both in the company and in the community are known to the grieving employee. Hopefully, you have in-house like an EAP, but if not, searching the internet can provide alternatives in the community that you can share. People are often immobilized by grief and don't know where to start to look for resources.

Recognize when grief affects your team's well-being. As a leader, know the signs of grief—persistent sadness, anger, or anxiety—and the available support, like counseling or support groups. Encourage seeking professional help if needed, and foster an environment where mental health is prioritized and destigmatized. Your awareness and referral can be pivotal in a team member's healing journey.

Make sure you advocate for any employee services your company offers. Talk about them loudly and frequently. Normalize the services, over and over. If you're comfortable trying them and telling others about the experience, do it. That goes a long way in removing the stigma for others to seek the assistance.

Self-care can't be ignored. Give yourself grace. I lost a coworker that I had previously hired into the company and managed for five years. It took a toll on me in ways I didn't expect. I still grieve her and it's been almost three years since she passed. I watched her then-manager have to do some of the most difficult tasks that no one thinks about -- decommission her email, go through her old files, reassign her work, backfill her position. THAT was such an added layer of complexity. What I saw help her was her asking for support when needed. When the coworker's desk needed to be cleaned out, she asked someone else in the org who didn't know the person well to do it. When she needed to be sad and grieve, she reached out to peers.

This experience is deeply personal to me. A few years ago, a team member, distressed by a family issue, approached me in tears. It was a profoundly painful situation for her, and in turn, deeply affected me. I offered her my full support, granting her the necessary time and space to ensure she felt supported by our team. However, this incident also revealed a profound sadness within me, so I decided to seek therapy and explore self-help options, meditation, coaching sessions, etc. That event helped me to realize that I can't support my team if I'm broken inside; now, after so much personal work, I feel better, happier, and healthier, and of course, my familiar circle is stronger than ever and I can lead a team because I'm happy.

Self-care is paramount, especially when you're in a leadership role dealing with the emotional complexities of grief and loss within your team. It's like being on an airplane and putting on your oxygen mask first before assisting others. As a project leader, you're the anchor, and if you're not stable, the whole ship can sway with the waves of emotion. Acknowledging your feelings and needs is crucial. You can't pour from an empty cup, so recognizing when you need to refill is key. Remember, taking care of yourself isn't a luxury; it's a necessity for you to be the effective and compassionate leader your team needs during tough times.

The first death in a person's life initiates them into a club they never wanted to join. No one has the same experience. Sharing stories about your losses with your colleague who has had a loss doesn't help them since as I have said previously, all grief is unique to the relationship.

People will never forget how leaders make them feel when they experience a loss. I think this may be one of the most important skills people need to he coached through, repeatedly throughout their careers. It isn't matter of "if" we will experience this, but "when" and knowing how to do all the things mentioned in this post well and naturally, will change the working lives of your team. It is 100% about meeting people where they are at that exact moment, and the ones for weeks and months to come as they work through their process of grief that makes all the difference. It's equally important that we are equipping the rest of our team with the tools they need to assist their peers with the empathy they need.

We have to remember that grief doesn’t have a timeline. Acknowledge but don’t be overbearing. Keep a calendar of critical dates (date of loss, loved ones birthday, anniversary, etc), those days (and possibly weeks surrounding those dates) can be rough- production/concentration can be effected, social interaction can change, etc. Speaking from experience, the pre-loss person you knew around the office may be ‘gone’; attitude about certain things, social interactions, even how they feel about work… the transition back to work dynamics and expectations can take longer than anticipated. Oh, and 3 days bereavement leave is inhumane at best!