How can you handle sensitive discussions with clients in executive coaching?

The Coaching Basics: In master coach training we were reminded to slow down, deeply listen, and ask the client for their experience and view. Finally, to ask permission. This approach never fails. It is respectful. I believe exceptional coaches, trainers, and mentors deeply do their own work in growing and developing themselves - and in so doing, we discover the ways in which we have tread the path in sensitive territory. Accessing genuine empathy, and taking an "Is it ok with you for us to talk about this? AND a "Me too, I've been deep in sensitive waters myself" approach is essential for opening new arenas of exploration and discovery with clients. To wit, what Kasti and Chimack have said is spot on.

The starting point in a successful coaching trusting relationship is to create a safe space and make a human connection. By making intentional efforts to show genuine interest in learning more about the executive as a human being before a human doing, showing empathy as well as having us show up as human being. Being explicit about what does it means to be in a relationship of confidentiality, trust and no judgement would be a good start.

It is also crucial to ensure your client is ready to have the conversation and receive the feedback. You are asking them if they are open to it or would like to find another time I find beneficial. Nothing is worse than starting the conversation and realizing their next meeting is critical, OR they just came from a difficult discussion, and their head isn't engaged or even able to process what you are saying.

Executives are usually super busy, so if they feel that this is a space where they can take a breath, with good vibes and a supportive (speaker) coach (in my case), who is there to help and get the most out of our time together with hands-on tips and progress, they will find the session super helpful.

Planning is important. I try to place feedback into the Situation, Behavior, and Impact model so I am crystal clear on the behavior I'm coaching. I also try to use neutral language and remove “exaggeration words” when sharing feedback. Think of words like always, never, very, rarely, you, you play, etc.

A great example is when we do a 360 assessment feedback around the executive and I get ready for sharing the results. I prepare well by studying the results, making note, highlighting key statement, key data, looking at not only the blind spots but also the hidden strengths. It is also important to have the executive Personal Strategy Map (personal and career plan) handy to review and to provide context to the discussion. Remember the vision you had for yourself about....... Today's conversation is within that vision,.... In addition, being mentally prepared by visualizing the conversation and emotional triggers that could result would be part of the preparation.

During the conversation, it is important as a coach to practice healthy empathy and compassion. Like a doctor who has to empathize with their patience, but does not have to feel thro pain and be paralyzed by it. I call it healthy empathy: be ready to walk along the client side, understand their feeling and emotions, listen, see verbal and non verbal, acknowledging what we hear, and showing real honest compassion and support. Holding a space and sensing when would be the right time to move them form current to future state.

Coaching is a continuum where on one side we challenge and empower the client to find their own solutions and actions and on the other side of the spectrum we use our experience to share stories with them to help them get unstuck. Coaching is not one size fits all. It is a continuum and depending on the client, their situations, their mental space, we can move up and down the continuum to hold teh space for them, help them see other possibilities, better state and support them to want to move toward that better state when they are ready.

Coaching works when the coachee does the work. But when you're working on the most challenging topics, that's when you often see the coachee looking to the coach for support and guidance. Try removing that option from the table. Suggest that the coachee sits in silence for a couple of minutes thinking about that most difficult question. Maybe they can write some thoughts down on a piece of paper? Resist the urge to find out what they thought or wrote - when it's just for them, they know that it's on them to do something with those new reflections. Ask questions like "Did you find a new clarity on the situation?" "Are your options ahead clearer?" "Do you know what you need to do next?" The most effective coaches often know the least.

Approach sensitive discussions in executive coaching with empathy and a strategic framework. Begin by creating a safe, confidential space that encourages open dialogue. Set a clear intention. Actively listen to your client's concerns, acknowledging emotions without judgment. Use neutral language to discuss issues, focusing on behavior rather than personal attributes. Collaboratively explore solutions and set clear, achievable goals. Provide constructive feedback and, if necessary, suggest external resources for specialized support. Cultivate a culture of trust, emphasizing that your role is to facilitate growth and development rather than pass judgment.