Feedback is essential for learning, growth, and improvement, but it can also be challenging to deliver and receive without hurting feelings or causing resentment. How can you give feedback without sounding harsh, but still being honest and helpful? Here are some tips to consider before, during, and after giving feedback.
Before you give feedback, make sure you have a clear purpose and goal in mind. What do you want the person to learn, change, or improve? How will your feedback help them achieve that? Also, check your own emotions and biases. Are you feeling angry, frustrated, or judgmental? If so, you might need to calm down and reframe your perspective before you speak. Avoid giving feedback when you are in a bad mood or under stress.
Before and while providing the feedback: Collect all the information before hand if you're not the direct supervisor Go through the inputs provided by your reportees and validate them/correct them Set aside any assumptions/preset notions based on your interactions and purely go based on factual information Make sure to understand their point of view and put your perspective across Provide the positive feedback to start with Suggest the areas of improvement and how they'll help them to move forward in their career
Timing and setting are important factors for effective feedback. Ideally, you should give feedback as soon as possible after the event or behavior you want to address, but not in the heat of the moment. Choose a time when both you and the person are calm, focused, and receptive. Avoid giving feedback in public, in front of others, or over email or text. Instead, find a private and comfortable place where you can have a face-to-face conversation or a video call.
The sandwich method is a popular technique for giving feedback that involves sandwiching a negative or constructive comment between two positive or supportive ones. For example, you could start by praising the person for something they did well, then point out an area where they could improve, and then end with another compliment or encouragement. This way, you can balance your feedback and avoid sounding too harsh or critical. However, be careful not to overdo the praise or make it sound insincere, as this could undermine your credibility and message.
One of the common mistakes people make when giving feedback is being vague, general, or personal. For example, saying "You did a bad job" or "You are always late" is not helpful or constructive. It only makes the person feel attacked and defensive. Instead, you should be specific and factual about what the person did or did not do, and how it affected the outcome or the situation. For example, you could say "You missed the deadline for the report, which delayed the project and upset the client". This way, you can focus on the behavior and the consequences, not the person or their character.
Always use the other persons actions when giving feedback. Never make value judgments about them as a person, but talk about the contextual situation, the task they needed to complete, actions they took that were good or have room for improvement, and then the result (STAR). This allows for constructive criticism without making them feel attacked or defensive.
Another way to avoid sounding harsh is to use "I" statements and open questions when giving feedback. "I" statements are sentences that start with "I" and express your feelings, thoughts, or needs without blaming or accusing the other person. For example, instead of saying "You are rude and disrespectful", you could say "I feel hurt and disrespected when you interrupt me". Open questions are questions that invite the person to share their views, opinions, or reasons without leading or judging them. For example, instead of saying "Why did you do that?", you could say "What were you trying to achieve?". By using "I" statements and open questions, you can show empathy and respect, and encourage a dialogue rather than a monologue.
Giving feedback is not a one-time event, but an ongoing process that requires follow-up and support. After you give feedback, you should check in with the person regularly and see how they are doing, what progress they are making, and what challenges they are facing. You should also offer your help, guidance, or resources if they need them. You should also acknowledge and celebrate their achievements and improvements, and give them positive feedback when they do well. This way, you can show that you care about their success and growth, and build a trusting and supportive relationship.