How can you give constructive feedback to a defensive colleague?

I give feedback by using sandwich method. 1, tell the strength of a person 2, follow with the main target of my Feedback on the gap I observed 3, finally conclude by his/ her strength and potential which currently have. that, lower the defensiveness of persons and to Easly address what we need.

I believe a good feedback has to be positioned as something that has been observed by someone specific in a specific situation; I normally try to avoid absolute sentences about individuals. Example: “In this e mail your message was not clear” rather than “you are not clear in your communication” The first feedback is specific and puts the attention on a job transaction, the second feedback expresses a judgement and attacks the person’s identity, hence easily causing defensiveness.

You can’t Defensive in neuroscience terms means under threat. Which is to say in that moment, they can’t hear feedback. Feedback just makes things worse. The framing of the question here misses that. People aren’t defensive or not, they feel safe or not. Safety needs to be restored. This is only possible if the person giving feedback has consistently demonstrated they they are there for the person not the business. It’s not about HOW it’s about WHO.

Dale Carnegie's quote "Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, a person judges himself innocent, no matter how enormous his fault is" highlights the importance of empathy in leadership. To effectively give feedback, start by building rapport and avoiding defensiveness. Describe your own behavior or emotions in this situations, and even share examples of your own past mistakes and their impact on you. Consciously explain what went wrong in the person's approach or behavior, focusing on the facts and non-emotional impacts. Characterize your feedback with professional influence. Conclude by offering support and coaching to help the person adopt a new perspective. Remind them that making mistakes is normal, the key is to learn from them and grow.

I've learnt to establish trust with the people I work with. I believe it sets the tone for any future discussions I would have with them- be it positive or negative. I also observe their actions and ask questions frequently. It is not best to always assume/assign meaning to their intentions without giving them a fair opporrunity to explain their perspective. And most importantly I am always specific with my discussions and also pay attention to the time and the setting of the environment and the mood. In summary, just know the people you work with.

When offering constructive feedback, it's essential to prioritize privacy. Constructive feedback can sometimes be perceived negatively, which can potentially make your colleague feel uncomfortable, especially if other team members are present. Keeping such discussions private can help maintain their dignity and prevent any undue embarrassment. Conversely, when it comes to giving praise, consider doing so publicly. Publicly acknowledging and praising a colleague's achievements can not only boost their morale but also inspire and motivate the entire team.

Effective feedback is all about timing and setting. Make sure to choose a moment when your colleague is relaxed and available, and find a private, comfortable space for a respectful and confidential conversation. It's all about creating the right environment for constructive feedback.

This setting should be a discussion and not a debate. The ambience should make the personal meeting with the subject calm and relaxed. The subject should be stress free and eager to listen to the counselor. The meeting could be arranged in a personal space rather than in the counselor's cabin. The points could be discussed over a coffee in a much peaceful and constructive manner than calling the subject in the cabin, where he would be having a fear, prejudiced mind making him tense.

In order to share constructive feedback, it is important to understand and respect privacy. Avoid delivering feedback in front of others, as this can escalate defensiveness. You can always praise in front of others, it will deliver the motivation to the entire team, not only to the person. Find a private and comfortable setting where you won't be interrupted. By doing this you will make the person realize that you understand this fact that she/he is not making mistakes deliberately.

When we are great listeners timing avails itself. We would always find a time that is more relaxed and free of stress. We would also be told by our colleague when they want feedback and when they just want to talk.

There's a value in having a good mix of "positive" and "negative" feedback, since wee tend to give much more weight to the negative than the positive. The "magic relationship ratio" is 5:1 according to Gottman, so for each negative interaction we should have five good ones. At the same time, I prefer to give positive and negative feedback in the moment it occurs, and not "sandwich" it. Otherwise, the person might come to expect a negative after each positive remark, and we could also come up as insincere and manipulative.

While the sandwich method can be an effective approach for delivering feedback in many situations, there are times when it may not be suitable or effective. for example: In cases where immediate action is required, the sandwich method might take up unnecessary time by focusing on positive feedback before addressing the issue directly. In such situations, it's often more appropriate to provide clear and direct feedback without the sandwich approach. If a particular issue or behavior has been repeatedly discussed and not addressed, using the sandwich method may not effectively convey the seriousness or urgency of the matter. In these cases, it may be more appropriate to provide direct and specific feedback.

Stopped using the sandwich method 20 years ago. If you link a negative with a positive (or even multiple positives) then nothing is heard except the 'but'. So behaviour change does not succeed with a sandwich method approach. Instead experience 4 or 5 positive, specifics at separate times to the one corrective feedback. Also recommend reading Crucial Accountability for optimal approach.

Going beyond the sandwich method when giving feedback, it would be helpful to build the relationship with this individual prior to giving the feedback, and also to ensure that there are conversations had with this individual that are just positive. If the only time you speak with this individual is to give constructive feedback, they may be less receptive. Ensure that you are engaging in positive moments with them and building that relationship.

In circumstances where it is appropriate for the impact of the negative feedback to be reduced and where the feedback can be balanced, the sandwich method could be used; however, there are instances the negative or corrective feedback must be urgently addressed or the postive feedback was overwhelming positive, this method should not be used.

To provide constructive feedback to a colleague effectively: Be specific: Focus on the behavior or action, not the person. Use "I" statements: Express your observations and feelings from your perspective. Address the issue promptly: Give feedback while it's still fresh. Offer solutions: Suggest practical improvements or alternatives. Listen actively: Encourage a two-way conversation and consider their perspective. Stay positive: Frame feedback in a constructive and supportive manner. Follow up: Check in later to see their progress and offer continued support. Approach feedback with empathy and a genuine desire to help them grow and succeed.

Everyone wants to be successful. When our feedback is specific, measurable, and achievable it is usually received well. The key is to make certain our colleague believes they can achieve it. If it appears impossible to them no matter how strong the feedback is, it will not be applicable to them and will most certainly fail.

Listening and asking if there is information, barriers, or a processes that I'm missing that would help me understand. And asking for their understanding of my feedback so it is a learning opportunity while validating the hurt and defensiveness. Then i remind that I am here to help and later, after like a nights sleep, if anything comes up, we can discuss.

It's about giving the sense of priority. When one can rely on to feel more open, dissolving the constructive criticism heads on is easier. It's about giving the bitter medicine with 1:2 ratio of sweetness. Listening twice of their feedback and slowly giving one.

Another aspect to consider as a leader is to listen to your collaborator and try to understand why is he reacting in certain ways or not meeting his objectives, there could be several external factors affecting his development...

I've found it helpful to establish appointed times to check the progress towards the action items and goals, as well as a final date to discuss again, as this puts a timeline in place and establishes an urgency to the correction. It also ensures you check back in and are able to course correct, assist or celebrate the progress along the way.

While I agree that part of my role as a supervisor is to provide such constructive feedback, I am also a proponent of having the individual suggest their own solutions. I have found that if you put some of the power in their own hands, they are more likely to be invested in the improvement/corrections. I also provide this time for the person to confidentially disclose any accommodations they may need.

In my personal experience, I've found that offering solutions and establishing achievable goals is fundamental to providing effective feedback. It's all about working together with my colleagues to find practical ways to improve. Additionally, keeping tabs on their progress and providing ongoing support plays a crucial role in helping them grow. I've learned that regular check-ins and guidance can make a significant difference. Moreover, celebrating their achievements and recognizing their hard work goes a long way in making the feedback process more productive. It's important to acknowledge their efforts and accomplishments to keep motivation high and create a positive feedback loop.

In my experience delivering constructive feedback only works if the colleague already trusts us and believes that we come from a place of helping them and the team to be better. This requires a lot of work before the situation for constructive feedback even arrives. While all the above strategies work really well when we already have the trust in place, their effectiveness is dampened significantly when it isn’t in place. So, as they say the best time to have worked on creating trust (plant a tree) was years ago. Next best time is right now!

Embracing a culture that encourages making mistakes and mentoring employees in shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset can mitigate some of the tension felt while providing constructive feedback. In such an environment, employees may be less likely to view constructive feedback as a personal attack, and more motivated to face the feedback head on as a learning opportunity.

We have a teammate that gets defensive on almost any level of feedback. It's become apparent over time that this individual is given much different messages from their personal life. They are told frequently how good they are at some skills they most certainly are not even ok at. You almost have to rise to a level of prominence above those personal voices to be heard and have your feedback appropriately valued.

Start with Positive Feedback: Begin by acknowledging the person's strengths or positive contributions. This sets a positive tone and shows that your feedback is not solely critical. Give Constructive Feedback: Deliver the feedback in a specific, actionable, and non-judgmental way. Focus on the behavior, not the person. End with Positive Reinforcement: Conclude by reiterating the person's strengths or expressing confidence in their ability to improve. This leaves them with a positive feeling and motivates them to make changes.

It's important that we use active listening in the performance discussion with a defensive colleague. We can start by asking them about how they feel they’re doing and ask them if they have any concerns. We want to build trust and understanding with them as well as role model how we would like them to interact with us in these discussions. Then we can lead into our concerns and possibly gain a new understanding of the root cause. It's also important that we talk objectively about a task, and don't try to point fingers.