How can you coach executives to communicate more empathetically?

One thing I have found helpful is to observe the executive with all levels of the organization in both formal and informal settings. Employees listen to the words of their leader, but learn more by his/her actions. The executive who is busy scoping the room during a conversation speaks volumes about the level of engagement.

You want to get the job done asap.And you want it be of great quality right? Imagine someone else assigned that job to you in the best way possible for you. What does it feel like? How was it done?

In our experience, we believe that we gradually climb up the work ladder...it does not happen overnight. But, from a point on, we are hard-wired to do things from a narrow-minded perspective. So, a good way to counterbalance it would be to become a better listener. Participating in any kind of group conversation, either in person or online, where executives would have to abide by the regulations of the hosts, would add to the oral skills of all leaders! They would put themselves in their colleagues' shoes and adopt the role of a "volunteer interlocutor", appreciating the value of contribution to a democratic discussion!

I think it is also helpful to ask them who they believe demonstrates strong skills in this area. It helps me assess how well they understand the skill. It also opens up a dialogue about why and what makes this person effective.

It is important to help the client identify their goals. It is equally important for them to articulate why the goal is important to them and why they are motivated to make the make the changes to their communication style, strengthen their competence, etc ... Once they have true understanding of the value of making the change their commitment to the change will increase, they will make the space, and do the work required become a more empathetic communicator and leader.

In addition to identifying the goals and challenges, it's helpful for the client to reflect on times when they've been successful in communicating empathetically (as described by the recipient). What skills do they already have that can help them? How do they get into the correct frame of mind to achieve the outcomes they desire? What will become possible for them when that happens?

When offering observations (with permission), the coach can use their own experience of the client as well as what the client (or stakeholders) describe about interactions with them. This immediacy can be much more powerful since it's in the moment and easier for the coach to dive into with the client. The coach and client can co-create goals that address the underlying desire/challenge of the client. If desired by the client, the coach can also recommend resources that might be helpful if there's a lack of technical knowledge in addition to adaptive knowledge.

If we want to truly empathize, it requires us to put our “stuff” aside. I think this is the most important step that is often forgotten. This includes listening without listen without assessing, analyzing, responding, fixing, or telling the other person what's happening for them. Empathy is about following the other. And empathic listening is about truly understanding them, making sure you really receive what they say by reflecting back to them and asking for confirmation.

I often ask them how they feel in the sessions with me and what makes them feel that way. That is a great bridge into exploring empathy skills & techniques in communicating and how they impact others. I then invite their reflection which of the techniques they would like to apply authentically when communicating. This, for me, is an important step in helping them embody the skills while still being themselves.

Often executives feel they must always display strength. One of the things appreciated by many leaders I've worked is a reframing that helps them view vulnerability as a powerful way to show empathy and connect with people, instead of a weakness. If they struggle with (as one client put it) "baring their soul," we design small experiments that help them level set and gain confidence over time.

Empathy is a key skill to role-play when preparing for tough conversations and for negotiations. It's natural to enter a negotiation ready to defend ourselves, not realizing there can be a resolution waiting to be discovered through empathetic questioning. We aren't always aware of how we hold ourselves in these tough conversations, that's why it can be a game-changer to work with a coach or mentor who can give objective feedback. We may not catch our own closed body language or sharp tone without the accountability of a coach to share what they've seen. Even better if the session is recorded so we can review our change over time.

It's important to create an environment that will support the client and help them be generative after the conclusion of the coaching engagement. Encouraging the client to ask for feedback from a few trusted associates can both create accountability and provide them with a source of positive reinforcement, beyond seeing the results that they were originally hoping for. In many cases, the client exhibits the same lack of empathy in work and non-work relationships, so some of these trusted supporters can be friends and family as well as work colleagues. In this way, the client can also see the benefits to their personal life as well as to their work.

To coach executives on being emphatically effective, “sensitivity training” for self awareness in communication is most crucial. Platform of Peer group practicing reflective and emphatic listen sing should be created for building executives skills in this area.