How can you build your emotional intelligence when networking with senior stakeholders?

Emotional intelligence is a huge concept, and not that well researched or defined empirically. With that caveat in mind, I'd say the need to be self aware (being honest with yourself regarding strengths & limitations, then working on them) is effective. The effect of empathy, authenticity and genuine listening when engaging with others really reflect well in the literature in terms of positive outcomes...so those aspects of EI are great to engage with immediately, too (we can refer to those concepts as related to EI). Feel free to let the senior stakeholder lead, and show genuine interest in them. Don't try to impress them - just engage with interest.

In Indonesia, the best strategy for talking to more senior people is to use a 'young people who are smart, willing to ask questions & learn' attitude. They really don't like young people who show an arrogant attitude.

SENIOR LEADERS put their pants on one leg at a time... just like you! One common thing that I see consistently when engaging with senior leaders is that folks get some level of anxiety or fear. They don't want to embarrass themselves so they stay more reserved and quiet. Unfortunately, this doesn't allow for your authentic self to come through... and that is critical when developing a relationship; especially one built on a high level of trust. Another key thing is don't assume because they are in an executive position that they have all the answers or know everything... they rarely do! Don't be afraid to point out solutions to problems. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Get over the 'fear' and have an intelligent conversation.

Know yourself. Then you don't have to be focused on yourself as you speak. This allows you to fully engage in the conversation instead of playing catch up or just waiting for "your turn to talk".

One thing I've found helpful is to get myself to pause and write down the top three questions they are likely to have on their mind. And prepare an appropriate response. Over a period of time, one gets attuned to thinking from the perspective of others and what they want to know. An invaluable skill when it comes to knowing your audience.

A coaching mentor once asked me to try 'listening with my eyes'. It was a powerful experience which made ne realise what being present in a conversation really meant.

In my experience I find that it is often what is not said that is the most important factor and if you're listening closely you can make a huge impact when you show that you heard what they could not say.

This follows very closely from the output of knowing your audience. When one knows their preferences, are they big picture or detail oriented, do they prefer a conversation over coffee or are expecting a formal presentation- it is easier to adapt.

It just helps to realize that the only person whom one can control is ourselves. And knowing that the purpose of communication is the response one gets. If the communication and interaction in networking has not had the desired effect, one can always step aside and reflect on what went right and what could have gone better.

One thing I've found crucial to managing emotions is humility and a clear vision of what I want. If I can name what it is I want out of the conversation then I can assess later if I was successful or not. Most of the time, in my opinion, the goal should be to serve the needs of others. If I get that across, I was successful.

Hold on to the 'Adult' mindset, as you interact with another 'Adult' who happens to be senior. Don't offer excessive respect, and expect adequate respect from them.