How can you avoid judging when practicing active listening?

Curiosity is a powerful tool to prevent judgment and better understand others. By adopting a curious mindset, you focus on exploring the other person's perspective, experiences, and feelings rather than making assumptions. Ask open-ended questions demonstrating genuine interest and respect, like "What led you to feel this way?" or "How did you manage that situation?" Avoid questions that carry a tone of criticism or blame, which can hinder open communication and understanding.

In the rush of the workday, it’s easy to shut down conversations before they have a chance to take root - you have meetings to get to and tasks to finish, and so does the other person. But even in brief encounters, it’s possible to have a genuine, fruitful exchange. Try asking one or two questions that show you’re interested in learning more about the other person’s life and perspective. Approach those asks with openness and curiosity—to know what’s happening in their world and how they feel about it. E.g. You: “Hi, Varsha, how are you doing?” Varsha: “It’s been a pretty stressful week - so much for catching up on sleep!” Poor Response: “Oh, sorry to hear that. Good luck.” Better Response: “I’m sorry to hear that. What’s been happening?”

One thing that I have found really useful is to ask how would they like me to be as a partner in the conversation. What should I be doing or saying to them that invites them to explore and elaborate? If I was to see them tomorrow following the conversation of today what would the first thing I will see or hear that tells me that it's different day.

I was trained that every client is an expert about their life. I've always been fascinated to learn new things. When I look at someone, whether a client, colleague, or someone in my personal life, I view them as the expert. I deal with plenty of people I don't agree with, and they may never know it, because I always do my best to show the utmost respect when talking to others. I have done a lot of introspection about why I don't like certain attributes so I can be less judgmental. Recently, I was given feedback that sometimes I am judgmental and that was regarding people I know well. I need to show the same respect to people I know well as to the people I am just meeting or getting to know.

1. Recognize Judgmental Tendencies The journey towards effective active listening starts with self-awareness. By turning your attention inward and understanding the root of your judgment, you can modify your behavior and communication. 2. Align with Your Intention Your emotions and biases can significantly impact how you communicate. Consider your intention when approaching a situation. Aligning your words and actions with your intentions helps you become more mindful and self-aware. 3. Recognize Your Power of Choice In challenging situations, it's easy to react impulsively. Acknowledging these choices empowers you to take control. Realizing you always have a choice in how you react and process your emotions and thoughts is crucial.

Everyone has his/her own story… and these are ALWAYS influencing an individual’s reaction. At the same time, most people are actually trying to do the right thing… so as a great mentor said: “assume positive intend”… and what I would add, “until proven otherwise!” ??

Where does compassion start? With the listener. Do they feel safe? Are they rested enough to think with the other person. Compassion then is given to the person talking. We concentrate on their words and actions- appreciate the act if communication. In our society this happens less and less. Let go of whatever you were doing before you started listening. Let go of thinking about whatever it is you think you need to do when this conversation comes to an end. Focus on the moment- and be curious about the other person. At this time only you and them exist. There is nothing else. Honour their intention and connect with what it is they need in this moment.

Reading this reminds me of consults I’ve had with community members and the feelings I would experience from their stories. Empathy. Empathy allows us to “feel” and “relate” to the humanness of one’s experiences. It is a feeling that I’ve always appreciated in the human service industry if used appropriately. The more it’s allowed into the conversation, the more judgments are locked out of the communicative space. Compassion permits for the walls of preconceived ideas and judgments to collapse and leaves room for expanding self, communal and even environmental awareness.

When active listening, instead of responding with what you are thinking, respond with what you are feeling. Listen and then be prepared to complete the sentence; hearing you say that I feel ..... This requires us to connect to our hearts through emotions. It helps the other person feel seen and heard. And, when our response is centered on the feelings, we move away from judgment.

Le développement de l'empathie nécessite une écoute active et un intérêt sincère pour les expériences d'autrui. L'inverse est également vrai : l'empathie nous aide à écouter sans jugement. Lorsque nous nous ouvrons aux personnes ayant eu des expériences de vie différentes des n?tres et/ou celles qui ont des opinions différentes, alors notre compréhension du monde et des personnes qui nous entourent grandit. Un espace de compassion peut alors se créer au sein de la pause que nous devons intentionnellement créer entre l'écoute des autres et notre réaction à leur égard.

I feel that many a times our pre-conceived thoughts/notions trigger the judgemental angle in any conversation. I firmly believe that we should listen to conversations or people without being carried away such notions to avoid any premature judgements or opinions.

Manchmal ist es herausfordernd und schwer achtsam und ?ganz bei sich“ zu bleiben. Besonders wenn stressige Situationen, kritische Themen oder gar schwelende Konflikte die Beziehung zwischen den Gespr?chspartnern belastet. Mein Tipp in solchen Situationen ist das emphatische, gegenw?rtige Rückfragen. Frage. Wie z.B. ?Wie geht es dir gerade jetzt damit, wenn du mit mir sprichst?“ Oder ?wie ist dein Gefühl jetzt zu diesem Punkt, da du mit mir redest?“ Achtsamkeit bedeutet nicht nur achtsam mit sich und seinen Gefühlen zu sein. Achtsamkeit bedeutet auch die aktive Verirrung der Beziehung im Hier & Jetzt. Fragen mit dem konkreten Bezug zum hier und jetzt bringen die Beziehung in die Gegenwart.

Mindfulness allows you to be aware of your own biases and limiting beliefs,to stay present and engaged,it makes for a potent flow of ideas and critical thinking.mindfulness allows you to master your emotions especially in conversations or situations that could be triggering, you listen feel and observe without judgement.mindfullness also allows you to stay curious.

Being mindful during an active listening session is the best way to avoid judging. It helps us to focus on what is happening right now and which takes us to explore more about the story and thus understand and develop an empathetic attitude

There is a cushion between thought and feeling that we have the choice to develop.Between feeling and action, when we give ourselves permission to breathe a deep breath before doing anything, that is the sacred space we have the choice to create for ourselves. Whenever we want.

I Love the 10% right rule. Especially when i am in vehement opposition of the other person's point of view, I conciously seek what is thier 10% right. This allows an opening in the conversation, and the stand offs

When we come into a meeting holding on to what we believe to be ”the truth”, we lose our ability to learn something new and stay connected. Interpersonal flexibility acknowledges the dialectics present in discussions and helps us move in the direction of synthesis.The flexibility piece is what helps substitute the word “but” for “and”. One word creates an oppositional stance (“but”) while the other (“and”) focuses on the presence of two truths and guides towards connection. Flexibility allows for shifts in our understanding in the service of common goals and the relationship.

One thing I have found helpful is to learn to recognize the signs when we are not behaving in a mindful and compassionate way towards ourselves, then take the steps necessary to go "within." We cannot offer to others what we do not deeply feel. We can but not in a real authentic way.

Being flexible in thinking and expectations is crucial to avoid judging others. Recognize and challenge any preconceived notions or biases that might hinder open-minded listening. Embrace different viewpoints and be open to various possibilities. Adjust your conversation goals, accepting that agreement or resolution might not always be achievable. Instead of persuading, concentrate on understanding and respecting the other person's perspective. This approach fosters a more inclusive and empathetic communication environment.

Flexibility in active listening involves adapting to the speaker's communication style and being open to different viewpoints. Avoid rigid assumptions, be willing to adjust your understanding based on new information, and be open-minded in your approach to foster effective and dynamic conversations.

Focus on the facts instead of self-fulfilling prophecies and assumptions. We judge people because we have preconceived notions and stereotypes. If we try to perceive things from a fresh point of view, judgement part would be eliminated.

If you feel as though you want to correct the other person examine why within yourself? If perhaps they are not pronouncing a word as you would, ask is it important that they do? Does this change the content or the emotion behind what they want me to hear? Why is this a concern to me? If we correct others that can often become a way to position ourselves “above” them, to be seen as expert. Does this serve the relationship we are building?

Judging can be set aside if you are listening to understand, not listening to reply and make a point. Drop pre-conceived notions or biases and seek to understand. This way, you can add value and be helpful.

Respecting the other person's communication style is a key way to avoid judging. People express themselves differently, using humor, sarcasm, metaphors, or stories, and have varied preferences in conversation and feedback. Adapt to their style and pace, and refrain from interrupting, criticizing, or correcting. Show you're engaged through verbal and non-verbal cues like nodding, smiling, and using phrases such as 'I see' or 'I hear you.' This respect for diverse communication styles enhances mutual understanding and collaboration.??

That old adage, “You have to give respect to get respect”, is very true. If a person is being disrespectful within a conversation, they are absolutely no longer listening in any capacity. There’s no room for disrespect in active listening. Disrespect and active listening cannot coexist.

Maybe you can’t avoid it… what is worth though is making an effort to minimise it impact on your words and actions. And also having patience with yourself while trying to achieve that.

Respect the boundaries that you have established. At times you will find yourself entering a territory that would be most suitable for a counselor or licensed professional. It may require your professional judgement to come to that conclusion. However that is not judging your client but the situation. So use the boundaries established at the onset to guide your process.

When listening, being present to what the other person is sharing is essential without fixing or thinking of how to respond per Empowering People in the Workplace Training authors Dina Emser and Jane Nelsen. Reflecting back, I heard you say, “I wonder if you are feeling X and you wish for Y” can allow us to connect to the other person and give the other person a chance to clarify and feel the connection. As Dr. Adler said, “Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.”

Be aware that you're judging. It's quite natural, as humans, to categorise, to make sense of the world, and other people. Know that you're judging, through the lens created by your lifetime of experiences and interpretations. And that the person you're listening to has an entirely different perspective, based on theirs. That's what makes interacting with others so interesting. There's always reasons behind why a person is the way they are. Listen to discover what drives them.

As a mindful coach I believe that going into any conversation with a positive intent helps to keep judgement out. The intent should be the focus on helping the person sharing the challenge or struggle with us. If a thought then arises, is it our judgemental mind or a helpful hint to move the conversation in a positive direction, that is the discernment a mindfulness practicioner will be able to bring to active listening.