Active listening is a key skill for peer support, as it helps you build trust, empathy, and rapport with your peers. However, active listening can also lead to misunderstandings if you are not careful about how you communicate. In this article, you will learn how to avoid some common pitfalls of active listening in peer support, such as:
One of the biggest sources of misunderstanding is making assumptions about what your peer is feeling, thinking, or needing. You might think you are showing empathy or understanding, but you might actually be projecting your own experiences, beliefs, or expectations onto your peer. To avoid this, you need to check your assumptions and ask open-ended questions that invite your peer to clarify their own perspective. For example, instead of saying "You must be feeling frustrated", you could say "How are you feeling about this situation?"
Become aware of your own position on things as well as your own thinking and feeling patterns. Peer support is about the other person, and what's right for them. Being self aware and reflective is half the work. The other half is creating a safe space for the person to be heard and to process what they're dealing with. Your job is not to tell them what to do and certainly not to shame or judge them. Depending on what they need in the moment, brainstorming solutions can be useful. People need to offload overwhelming thoughts and emotions before they can think logically through solutions. Give them that space. Have support yourself if you need it. Don't go where you're not comfortable and refer them to GP / therapist as needed.
It's very important to be aware of your own assumptions. Don't leap to conclusions. Challenge each fact in your own mind. Leave no stone unturned in terms of improving your own awareness. Have an open mind. Don’t ever let your unconscious bias play a role. Remember that your experience is not equivalent. You have the skills you need to understand each person's unique experience, their trauma, their expressions of distress and their understanding of the world.
When we make assumptions, we often lose our connection with curiosity. To break free from this habit of assuming, try playing a game with yourself. Challenge yourself to discover something new about the person you're interacting with. Make it enjoyable, and watch how it enhances your curiosity, helps you shift your focus away from yourself, and strengthens your questioning skills.
This is a great question! -I let the person I am peer counseling lead but then I echo what they said to me to make sure I got it right -Allowing space for myself or person I am counseling to note or journal during session -Allowing people to feel comfortable enough to bring it up to me if I got something wrong
In coaching situations, when actively listening, I always found it useful to play back and summarise what I think I heard. This is slightly different to get your peer to clarify their position by asking questions. Instead the playback gives them a chance to reflect on the picture they are painting and either correct or add more depth. Both approaches of questioning and summarising give you the opportunity to listen actively and protect the information you are receiving from your own assumptions and bias.
Another common mistake is interrupting your peer or jumping to give advice before they have finished expressing themselves. You might think you are being helpful or supportive, but you might actually be cutting off your peer's opportunity to explore their own thoughts and feelings. To avoid this, you need to practice patience and respect, and let your peer speak without interruption. You also need to ask for permission before offering any suggestions or feedback, and make sure they are relevant and appropriate for your peer's situation. For example, instead of saying "You should do this", you could say "Would you like to hear some ideas that might help?"
Disrupting a peer can also be a sign of invalidation and disrespect. Not being willing to fully listen to someone else or quick to offer a solution or advice can lead to a progression of disconnect (a breakdown in communication) and discomfort. If left unchecked, can lead to the severing of the professional or amicable relationship.
Keep your immediate or impulse response to yourself. Give yourself time to think over your first reaction while your peer is sharing their experience and also allow the speaker to finish what he/she has to share with the audience so you have the full story before making and judgment and responding with an advice or experience which might not be relevant.
Interrupting someone and disrupting their thought process can be the difference between them identifying their barrier or goal and not. There have been times when I had to literally hold my lips together. I had all these ideas in my head that I just knew would change their life on the dime! LOL! But that's not empowering them to reach inside and find that power that they may have thought did not exist or was gone. That is the end goal. Ensuring that our community members are inspired and encouraged and confident that they can manage their own lives. When you interrupt someone you tell them that you do not hear them and that their ideas, thoughts, wants, wishes and dreams don't matter.
Advice, suggestions, ideas....these all imply that the peer supporter knows best or that they might be driving the work. Successful peer support is all about mutuality - it's walking with someone, never ahead of them, and sharing "options" they might not see along the way. The choice is always theirs to make; it's not as important that you shine a light on the right path - what's important is that you are by their side, encouraging them to learn and grow from whatever experiences lie ahead.
In my experience I have found myself doing this a lot. It’s not because I am trying to be rude or talk over them it’s just when ideas come in my head they can leave just as fast and so I have found it help full to tell people at the beginning of the meeting that I use the chat and not all my questions and suggestions need shared but it’s a way to get what I have to say out without being rude or forgetting it. I have found when virtually attending on zoom that raising a hand is a very good way to teach patience to a person who interrupts. However it would be nice if they could make the raise hand a little more convenient on the zoom platform.
Another potential problem is judging or criticizing your peer's actions, choices, or emotions. You might think you are being honest or constructive, but you might actually be hurting your peer's self-esteem or undermining their autonomy. To avoid this, you need to adopt a non-judgmental and compassionate attitude, and focus on your peer's strengths and resources. You also need to avoid using words that imply blame, fault, or guilt, and use words that express curiosity, support, or encouragement. For example, instead of saying "You shouldn't have done that", you could say "What did you learn from that experience?"
And when we find ourselves judging - as we ALL do from time to time…- we can be transparent about it. Perhaps say “I just noticed that I made the assumption that [judgement]…” then ask an open ended question to help open up the conversation again.
Suspend judgement. That doesn’t mean you cannot be judgemental, but we don’t let our human tendency to judge others colour our interaction. We are not in place to judge our peers, we are there to listen, to support and to promote hope for recovery.
Il faut chercher à savoir quelle le?on apprise par rapport aux situations ou aux actes posés. Chercher à comprendre ce que cela vous a fait dans votre propre intérieur. Il faut éviter toute condamnation. Il faut y aller progressivement jusqu'à ce que tout se passe bien dans le chef de l'autre. Plus vous cherchez à savoir ce que a ressenti votre pair lors d'un acte qu'il a posé, plus vous avez la chance d'avoir plus d'explications chez lui et de points de vue.
To avoid this misunderstanding, I recommend checking in with the person you’re supporting. For example, you might ask how you can best support the person: Would you like to hear what I think? Would it feel better to vent?
To avoid common mistakes and misunderstandings during active listening in peer support, focus on: 3. Reflect and Clarify, Repeat back what you've heard to ensure accurate understanding. Ask open-ended questions to delve deeper into their thoughts and emotions. 4. Empathize, Put yourself in their shoes to better understand their perspective. Validate their feelings and experiences without judgment. 5. Self-Awareness, Recognize your own biases and preconceptions, ensuring they don't influence your understanding or response.
Another possible challenge is misinterpreting or missing your peer's verbal or non-verbal cues. You might think you are listening attentively, but you might actually be missing some important signals that indicate your peer's mood, needs, or boundaries. To avoid this, you need to pay attention to your peer's tone, volume, pace, and pauses, as well as their body language, facial expressions, and eye contact. You also need to use reflective statements that summarize and confirm what you heard and saw, and ask for feedback if you are unsure. For example, instead of saying "Okay", you could say "It sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed by this situation. Is that right?"
Oftentimes people can listen to respond or evaluate (make a judgement call) rather than listening to understand. It's important to realise the limitations of our own understanding so we can approach conversations with the humility to hear and learn from someone's experience, perspective or insight. In my experience, one of the best ways to do this is to leave quick-fire judgments or assumptions at the door and give people the benefit of the doubt when assessing their intentions or motivations. One thing I've found helpful is to lead with curiosity and ask questions to enable you to gain clarity over the situation. Doing so allows us make an accurate assessment of the situation rather than being blind-sided by premature assumptions.
In addition to being attuned to physical and verbal cues, it can be helpful to say to the person to whom you are listening attentively, “I hear you saying _”. Fill in the blank. And pay attention to the response.
Il faut plut?t développer la pensée positive et mettre loin de vous les ondes négatives. Ne pas penser que son idée est irréversible ou claire au point que vous ayez compris tout ce qui se passe dans votre pair. Comprendre que seul ton pair est capable de dire ce qu'il y a réellement dans lui. Et c'est à lui et lui seul, qu'il revient de dire ce qu'il y a réellement.
Asking qualifying questions and then being quiet is a key to success. Often times silence is your best friend. It will break down barriers and allow others to open up more.
One thing I've found helpful is repeating back to the person something they've said. This is really helpful in both confirming what they've said, or to correct inaccuracies - also in sparking additional information sharing.
Another potential pitfall is getting distracted or emotional during active listening. You might think you are fully present and engaged, but you might actually be losing focus or getting carried away by your own thoughts or feelings. To avoid this, you need to manage your own attention and emotions, and avoid multitasking, checking your phone, or daydreaming. You also need to be aware of your own triggers and biases, and avoid reacting impulsively or defensively. If you feel overwhelmed or triggered, you need to take a break or seek support. For example, instead of saying "I can't believe you did that", you could say "I need some time to process what you just said. Can we resume this conversation later?"
Active listening is a valuable skill for peer support, but it also requires practice and awareness. By avoiding these common misunderstandings, you can improve your communication and relationship with your peers, and provide more effective and respectful support.
As a person with a Disability, I have noted reading through these questions that none speak to people with disabilities. When I'm with lived experience peers and ableism is also present I personally am comfortable to actively listen, give the person speaking time to articulate their views and process it myself. I dislike it when people try to add words to my processing pauses, when I'm speaking. It distracts me and isn't helpful. People with disabilities can be distracted when you are speaking and appear to not be actively engaged and listening but this can be due to the disability. Reading the room and creating a space, sets the scene for a good outcome.
An essential part of peer support and active listening is self-awareness! Practicing your coping skills and being in touch with your own feelings can help you learn how to recognize what it feels like when you start to feel overwhelmed or distracted — “warning signs” that help you determine when you need to step back and care for yourself.
Healing with humour is one of the best ways to build rapport, gain insight and induce some happy hormones. I have found that those who have been through extreme darkness are very eager to celebrate the light by sharing a laugh!??
The way in which you work with someone is super important. We sometimes only get one shot to do it right. To eliminate distractions, I make it a habit to silence my phones and put them away so that I can focus on the person in front of me. In turn I ask the person to abide by the same and make sure that they have plenty of time available so that there is no rush.
At the end of the day, it's about them, not you. Suspend your preconceived notions and bias (yes, we all have them) and listen with an open heart and a desire to serve. When you lead with that mindset, you alleviate a lot of miscommunications.
My experience regarding this topic is that misunderstandings can best be avoided by maintaining these few simple attitudes: Unconditional positive regard, Reserved judgement, and Genuine curiosity. These attitudes, in conjunction with motivational interviewing tools have been very effective in creating a healthy communication with folks, in and out of the peer profession.
To be a great peer supporter, keep it simple and as human as possible. Stay focused on the person you're talking to by minimising distractions and showing you're engaged through eye contact and nods. Reflect their feelings back to them as needed, and avoid interrupting to let them express themselves fully. Use open-ended questions to encourage them to share more, and be sure to clarify anything that's unclear. Most importantly, be empathetic—try to understand things from their perspective, acknowledge their emotions, and show you care. Keep an open mind, suspend judgment, and ask for feedback to ensure they feel heard and understood. In the end, it's about being real, staying connected, and letting them know you're there for them.
The best way to avoid miscommunication is to listen to what the person is saying and paraphrasing it to them to ensure you’ve captured their point. Paraphrasing will allow you to receive the information correctly and have the person you’re listening to give you some clarity if you misunderstood.
Assess what the person needs directly so your recommendations, feedback, and support are better matched with their needs. Specifically ask: - are you looking to problem solve/solutions? - do you need encouragement/reassurance? - are you trying to surface a perspective to see what you might be missing? - are you stuck and don't know what to do next? Being direct in this way helps you focus the conversation and to be more effective.