How can you actively listen to peers experiencing relationship or family issues?

As long as the person is “sharing their problem”, it is helpful lending a patient ear without rushing into providing a solution. Perhaps a shoulder is what is sought and not a solution. However, I’d be watchful if this turns into emotional dumping, and that’s when I’d remember to draw boundaries.

Active listening involves fully focusing on the person, empathizing, and providing supportive responses. Maintain eye contact, nod to show understanding, and refrain from interrupting. Reflect on their feelings and ask open-ended questions to encourage them to share more. Avoid judgment and offer reassurance when appropriate.

Active listening is so much harder than people think. There is a difference between HEARING and LISTENING. I think making sure you have the bandwidth and attention for certain conversations is key. It is perfectly fine to say "I would love to talk about this, but I want to give it the attention it deserves. Would you mind if we discussed it later at (provide time that works)?" This allows you to not only set boundaries and respect your own space and workload, but also to make sure you have the capacity for true active listening and support.

You have to understand that when you listen, you listen with not just your ears but also with your heart and mind. Moreover, when you actively listen, you listen not only to spoken words. Unspoken words and observing facial expressions and body language, especially of hands and other body parts, such as legs, speak volumes. You have got to listen to all those. Understanding that active and empathic listening is love. You actively listen this way because you care about the person. You do not listen to think about what or how to respond. You listen to understand and make the person feel that he is not alone. Remember, your peer chose to share with you because he believes you are worthy of his trust. That's active listening.

I think it’s important to be clear on what the peer is comfortable sharing with me and vice versa. If we can be explicit about where we feel comfortable sharing and where we may need to set a boundary, we can be sure to have a trustful space where they feel free to open up. I am there to listen and reflect back what I am picking up (and not just the content), ask questions to help them explore, rather than to advise.

Listening to what someone has to say without making it about yourself. We don’t always need to have an example of when we have felt the same or have been through something similar, just being able to listen to someone and how they are feeling can of often be a huge help.

One reason that I became a counselor is because I grew up in a dysfunctional family, and having the experiences of being neglected, and at times demoralized, my approach to any person with a problem is gentle and authentic. I really believe that I can developed empathy before I even knew what it was. It is second nature for me to mirror what the client is doing though not exaggerated… They see, and sense that I understand. I ask questions, and I listen very closely to the answers, clarifying the serious points. If they ask me a question, i’ll answer it if it will keep us on the right path. But I do keep my answers short and with honest curiosity, I turn the questions back to my peer. By now, I would know the basic problem. Now we plan.

In my experience, a person going through a personal issue or crisis usually thinks that no one else would understand their problem and what they are going through. By validating you can make the person realise that they are accepted as they are and without any judgement. And when you empathies with them, it makes your understanding of the issue much better and builds a trust that will be beyond any words. And this helps in healing.

This peer support was between two counselors; therefore, we both understand boundaries and confidentialities. As a fellow counselor, if they were emotionally ready to discuss solutions, I would ask them to make a list of possible solutions. If we are not near enough to the solution stage, I would encourage more information so that my peer will get a bigger picture of what was going on in this problem arena. So many times, what we think is the problem is not the problem at all and we won’t know that until we get a better view of what is going on around the area of the problem. Seeing the bigger picture can often lead to amazing epiphanies.

In my experience, I find this three-pronged approach to be effective: 1. Be friendly 2. Be yourself 3. Let them be themselves. Being friendly means being there for them to listen without judging, to pitch in when they need your help in any you have the capacity to do, and to constantly remind them that they have help. Being yourself requires you to be authentic in your relationship with them. Don’t try to walk on eggshells around them. Acting in unnatural ways around people for any reason can be off putting and make them withdraw from you. Finally, by allowing them to be themselves, you provide the psychological safety they need to work the problem on their own terms. The bottomline is providing support grounded in authenticity.

Once listening to a friend going through an emotionally tough period, i was made privy to information beyond I would have likedto. But i felt it was because my friend trusted me to such a extent that it didnt stop her from revealing all that info. But then later I knew that I should not be asking about that situation on my own as that revelation from her side would have happened in a weak moment. And not crossing the boundary, I refrained from asking her about it again directly. And when she realised that, she briefly updated me on the issue for which I gave my opinion for her and we let that remain there. Giving a peer the confidence that you know the boundaries is important.

It could also be helpful to help one another get in touch with their feelings and needs. Very often we fail to even identify and articulate our feelings and needs. Good to help each other to get in touch with the 'body' as it tells how it feels in a moment and what it might need. Also, the atmosphere at the work place matters a lot. There are organizations who believe in 'only professional and no personal' at the work place. This, in my experience, is very difficult because we are the same humans at home as well as in the work place. One can't the simply switch to professional and personal at times.

One thing I have always felt is that, not everyone would be aware where they can reach out for help. So offering resources and referrals for help is definitely something that anyone should consider with peers. It is always good to present options than not having anything at all to make a difference.

In my experience, someone's issue can affect us many a times because it is all about personal & relationship issues. And other's emotions tend to affect our emotions in various degrees. when you see someone hurting and there is nothing you could do to help them that may leave you frustrated too. So it is definitely a very important to learn to detach yourself from others after whatever you could do to help them. You need this to stay stronger for yourself and to help someone else later.

Imagining I was them, feel in me what it feels. It is easy to prescribe solutions without considering the effect that the advice may have on another, it would help better if I co-sense with the other as if it was me, then communicate from there.I also agree with respecting boundaries where the person is at and where they prefer to take the issue , however some pointed questions can help me find that balance