How can you actively listen to overcome resistance to change?

Active listening means you let go of the need to be right. You open up for all thoughts and perspectives. You are learning something as you listen. It sparks new ideas, collaboration and profound wisdom to use together.

In my experience Active Listening means allowing the speaker the freedom to express AS IS with emotions and content all intact. It’s important to let the other party know that this is a conversation and they have your undivided attention and you are playing an active part in the conversation. It may make sense to actually call this out stating “ hang on let me put my aeroplane mode on , let me request my PA no calls for next 30 minutes , can I take notes when I listen to you ? You are important and what you are saying is important - this message should get conveyed by all available means - this implies trust and respect .

In my experience resistance to change comes out of fear. Through active listening you can identify and understand that deep layer of fear and the reasons behind it, and then describe the why of the change through the other persons’ lens so that he/she may understand the benefits for them and instead of fear start feeling excitement. This way they will not just stop resisting but become champions for the change.

Active listening is hallmark of an individual who has great empathy and high self worth. While demonstrating active listening, such individual is completely present in the moment and actively conveying respect to the other person.

We need to understand that active listening is not problem solving. It is human nature to solve problems - a person may be describing a reason why the person is resisting change and you will have the tendency to barge into the conversation and start proposing solutions. We need to stop our minds from proposing solutions or forming arguments while listening. instead focus on talking through the feelings, and understanding why the person is resisting change.

Multitasking is one of the barriers to ‘Active Listening’. Imagine you are in a team meeting, and some discussion is going on, and you thought to finish reading your mailbox. Someone called your name and Volla! “Sorry, I could not understand, could you please repeat?” Another barrier is when you want to share something with eagerness and are just waiting for your turn, the unconscious mind does not listen what other people are talking about.

Calling them resistance to change already jeopardises the process of active listening as it assumes the correctness of the change hence the incorrectness of who opposes it. On the other hand, change is always hard, lack of empathy with such cases can hold you back from coming up with solutions to ease people into the change proposed.

Another situation I see in some meetings is that one or a few people 'hijack' the discussion, and other participants lose interest. In 1-on-1 situations, seeing the other person not as a partner blocks active listening.

The ability to separate ourselves from the situation around us is a skill that is critical. It is easy said then done but practicing this will help us deal with many such barriers that we face. Transparency in communication between you and your team must be an ongoing process. Barriers arise when emotions are bottled up and the team is not allowed to speak up. To cut down external distractions like phone and noise, one must take the discussion seriously and must mute all noise making device. Respect for others is also a crucial quality that must be cultivated because only then can we consider others point of view valuable and give them a chance to speak.

Our individual limited perspective is an enormous barrier to active listening. It takes a lot of personal work and discipline to suspend the personal narrative rollicking around in our heads when someone else is sharing their point of view.

Always take notes, for three reasons. First, the act of taking notes forces you to stay fully engaged in what someone is saying instead of thinking how you’re going to respond. Second, taking notes shows respect for the other person and their words. And third, by taking notes you can ask all needed follow up questions in order to build complete understanding of their perspective.

Going with an open mind and not assumptions will help you calm your nerves. When we build stories in our mind, we tend to react instead of respond. Understand that you can also be wrong and therefore, a healthy relationship can be fostered when you are prepared to course correct. Do not take it personal and also have the objective in mind. You are never bigger than the purpose and therefore, give others the chance to speak, vent or complain. Take notes and repeat it to make sure you have understood it correctly. Ask as many questions and do not get into advisory mode as no one wants to listen to advice when emotions run high. Do not let them know what you have to say immediately. Take time, think, acknowledge, smile and then respond.

For me, another important aspect is to properly 'arrive' at the situation, to feel OK about being there, and also about myself. This helps me to pay full attention.

I agree with this but it’s also important to mention tangible achievements and try to connect them to the company’s vision and mission. This creates a feeling of recognition on a personal and broader level for the individual.

The best strategy is self-observation and shared- observation. Practicing the principals of appreciative inquiry can help with this - to understand why a conversation went well so that it can be repeated. Remembering, too, that this is one perspective (yours) to why it went well. Ask the other..."what worked/didn't work in how we communicated recently..." This level of transparency and active shared-observation builds trust and demonstrates a willingness to learn and understand another's point of view which is essential to active listening.

Approach situations less focused on your needs, ego, and personal agenda and aim to be more oriented toward the needs and well-being of others. Skillbuild in compassion, collaboration, and focus on collective goals for the greater good.

The goal of active listening is to truly understand the speaker's point of view. Concentrate on hearing what they say and try to see things from their perspective. Make them feel heard and understood even if you disagree with what they are saying or if whatever they are suggesting or hoping for will not be possible. This part of the process is not about trying to change their mind or tackle problems, but about understanding and validating the other person's view and feelings. Also: when people complain or worry, it means there is something they deeply care about and what they feel is being threatened in the current situation. Listen for the caring behind the complaint.

First, practice active listening in situations that have low/no risk. For example: while you're waiting in line or on social media, pay attention to the conversations around you or what you're reading and notice your internal response. What is your internal commentary? What emotions are coming up? What judgements do you have? All of these answers impact the ability to be present and actively listen to another. Commit to further explore those narratives and how they impact the more high risk relationships (work/personal/social). Second, the practicing shared-observation will get two people into the habit of understanding and repeating the patterns of productive conversations.

Considering appointing a facilitator in a group setting. Notes taking also helps reduce the urge to interrupt. Responding based on the notes can also help guiding the conversation back on the topic, if needed.

Frequently it’s better to just address this on the meta level . Eg with the software experience; to honor that changes can be frustrating or elicit emotions . It will go a lot faster than discussing the pros and cons of each software. Listen to their emotions actively . Take the tiny details off the table. And watch the situation shift rapidly .

Active listening can also create much better engagement within a team and help achieve long term company goals. It’s useful to remember this is a two way skill. If you think someone is not listening bring them back in by gently asking them a question. You can also try to change the subject to re-engage them again.

Approach with a framework: manage the content/data (versus opinion) and relationship (staying connected). These two paths run concurrently and managing their respective threads is essential. Data piece: be clear on what the conversation is about and prepare for derailers. Be planful: write out talking points...clear/murky/facts/hearsay? Possible derailers and how to resolve? Relationship piece: be aware of subtle shifts in voice (pitch/tone/rate/timbre) and body language (eyes/face/arms/posture). This signals potential barriers which means content/data is not heard and other's may be in protective stance. Be planful: what do I think/feel about this info? What might other's think/feel? Plan for differences/resistance and how to pivot.

Approach with a framework: manage the content/data (versus opinion) and relationship (staying connected). These two paths run concurrently and managing their respective threads is essential. Data piece: be clear on what the conversation is about and prepare for derailers. Be planful: write out talking points..clear/murky/facts/hearsay? Possible derailers and how to resolve? Relationship piece: be aware of subtle shifts in voice (pitch/tone/rate/timbre) and body language (eyes/face/arms/posture). This signals potential barriers which means content/data is not heard and other's may be in protective stance. Be planful: what do I think/feel about this info? What might other's think/feel? Plan for differences/resistance and how to pivot.

Even before the conversation begins, a servant leader can take small steps to create a safe space: - let the other person chose where to sit: some prefer the long side of the table, other like sitting next to a door or with a window in their back - allow for small talk: get to know what is on top of their minds in this very moment - treat the person you speak with as a VIP - remind yourself that your knowledge of the other person’s world is very limited

Developing great listening skills takes time; it's a lifelong pursuit that is anchored in self-reflection. As we become compassionate observers of our communication patterns, internal narratives, outward responses, and their origin story we naturally grow capacity to observe patterns and respond to others with compassion and clarity. This is at the heart of active listening - what we hold for ourselves becomes a path for what we can hold for others.

Embracing failure is an integral part of success for a servant leader wisely said by Michael Jordan: “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career… I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” As a servant leader, encountering resistance to change from your team can be challenging. However, it’s crucial to view this resistance not as a setback, but as an opportunity for growth. The quote “Listening is an effect. Communication is cause,” attributed to Meir Ezra, has been instrumental in reshaping my approach towards handling resistance. It emphasizes the importance of communication in fostering understanding and overcoming resistance. One effective strategy I’ve employed is asking open-ended questions.