Here's how you can navigate the dangers of being overly assertive in the workplace.

On what spectrum are you measuring levels of assertiveness? What is too assertive? This has too many variables: Situation dependent? Urgent situations require a higher level of assertiveness, perhaps? Person dependent? Some people prefer you to be assertive than passive? Business dependent? Large or small? Niche/industry dependent? Safety critical, urgent response? Sorry. I just think that there's a fine line between "assertive" and outright egotistical communication. That's the only question you need to ask yourself. Also, assertiveness doesn't mean aggressive. Assertiveness has long been mistaken for aggression. That is definitely something that needs to be analysed and controlled.

It's important to stay open to feedback. But it's also important to know that there can be bias in how assertiveness is perceived (particularly in women and people of color). In these cases, there are a few things you can do. First, run feedback by a trusted mentor or advisor to get another viewpoint. Second, look for patterns in the feedback. If you're getting similar feedback from multiple sources, it may merit deeper consideration.

Bringing empathy into your interactions is a a very effective communication skill, especially for people who tend to be very assertive. Shifting your perspective to consider how the other person might receive your message, rather than focusing on how you prefer to be spoken to, makes it easier for your message to be received in the spirit you intend. Developing a trauma informed communication style also helps develop a direct yet empathetic and compassionate approach, which forges stronger and more harmonious relationships.

It's an unfortunate reality that assertiveness is received differently for women and men. Unsurprisingly, what might be labeled as "assertive" for a man is sometimes called "aggressive" in a woman. Research suggests a technique to avoid this trap if you're a woman: add WARMTH to your communications. You can try a bit of humour, a kind remark, a warm tone. Is it maddening that it's still necessary in this day and age for women to tune their communications in this way? Absolutely. But, it's currently one of the best ways to ensure you're heard in a spirit of goodwill.

After every meeting I take 5 minutes to breathe and feel my emotions. This helps a lot to understand what was going on in the meeting. Very often I can find unconscious beliefs which were driving my actions.

How much do you observe other people during meetings or conversations? Do the move nervously with fingers, do the sweat, do they look outside the window all the time, ... Start observing and you will learn a lot.

If you're a leader, you're responsible for setting the emotional tone in the room. That means learning to regulate your own emotions, so that you're able to stay calm, present, and open. Learning to stay emotionally regulated is a skill that can be developed with training and support from a coach or therapist.

The key is simple here. In communication and relationships- we must learn to understand and think from other persons perspective before speaking or communicating. Ask for feedback, genuinely and do something about it. Don't turn to offend yourself when you seek feedback or if someone gives you a feedback. Reflect through your behaviors see where changes can be made, empathize and take action. Lastly -- self reflection is one of the most powerful tool any individual can use for growth strategy! Make a habit to reflect regularly and course correct where necessary.