Here's how you can navigate conflicts with difficult patrons in a respectful manner.

This can feel like the most difficult part of handling the situation. Recognize your goal is for the customer to feel their fingers were properly addressed and to remain your customer. K your goal in mind.

In most situations, remaining calm can be one of the best solutions to help a customer/patron in a library. First, I recommend assessing the situation at hand. By that I mean, How angry is the person? Do they pose a danger to you or others in the library? If so, you should handle the situation differently by calling for assistance, police etc. If no danger, then assess your best approach to the person. I agree with using an even tone voice when talking to an upset customer/patron. It forces a person to slow down and listen to what you are saying, which can help diffuse a situation at times. They will often begin lowering their voice gradually too.

In my experience staying calm and informative have been successful tools in de-escalating. Although the situation might seem difficult the patron's ultimate goal is to be heard and provided a rational explanation.

What listening “looks like” varies greatly from culture to culture. Be as informed as possible about the background of your patrons and be sensitive to the differences. There are situations where making eye contact might be perceived as aggressive or disrespectful.

Taking time to find out why they are upset and listening can often lead to a resolution. Actively listening can be achieved in many ways. By voice, gestures and inviting them to sit down with you so to give them your full attention, to listen closely to their concerns and ideas etc.

Take into account cultural differences. Allow the person to fully express themselves respectfully. Highlight the key concerns. Confirm with the person that your understanding is similar and or the same as theirs. Then address them appropriately to work towards a desired resolution.

There is almost always some portion of what another says that you can honestly agree with. That’s a good acknowledgment to make; however, be careful not to focus on sharing personal stories or explaining that you’ve been through something similar. It’s unnecessary and can be perceived as stage-hogging by the other.

One thing, I have noticed in my field is that "I" statements tend to add more fuel to the fire. I normally show empathy by commenting on the emotion the person is emitting. I.E. What you voiced sounds distressing, let's work together to streamline and simplify the process.

Setting boundaries with careful thought, consistently following them, and being able to share those limits calmly helps to keep the focus on the content rather than the person.

By setting clear boundaries you are also able to set up a next step action plan. Having a plan in place would put both the person and the employee at ease.

Asking what they would like to see happen next is very helpful. Do that before offering options yourself. Sometimes all someone wants is to be listened to. Sometimes they have a specific outcome in mind that isn’t one you’ve thought of or have chosen not to include in the list of options you would offer. Asking them first gives you additional information to tailor your responses and reinforces that they are truly being listened to and cared about in the situation.

Set up an action plan to include a summary of the concern, actionable items, and follow-up timelines. Keep your word. Be transparent in the process.

For example: If they are upset that the book they really wanted today is checked out. You could be apologetic that the book is out, but could offer to help by taking their name and phone number, to call them once it checks back in. You can offer to check with other libraries in town to see if they have the book available. You could acknowledge that it is a popular book and the library will see about getting more copies as the patron recommended.