Here's how you can manage negative feedback without getting defensive.

Ask, “How do you suggest this be done in the future?” or “What are two ways to handle this more effectively from now on?” “How can we be proactive and prevent this from happening again?” This helps them be a coach instead of a critic. Instead of them shaming you for doing it wrong this time - they’re now suggesting how you could do it better next time. - Sam Horn, author of Talking on Eggshells

Rather than fixating on the negatives, channel your energy into actively seeking solutions and addressing the concerns raised. This proactive stance not only showcases your dedication to improvement but also propels you toward meaningful progress.

- Comprehend the Message: Understand the meaning behind the words. - Give Full Attention: Focus completely on the speaker without interrupting. - Value Input: Show that you appreciate and consider their viewpoint. - Reveal Issues: Listening thoroughly can uncover underlying problems. - **Build Trust**: Demonstrates empathy and respect, strengthening relationships. - Foster Communication: Encourages an environment of open and honest dialogue.

Often times, many fail to lend their ears. When constructive criticism is provided by the other party, one should try not to get defensive and justify their actions. Instead, hearing their comments out and having healthy discussions regarding the specific topic is optimal for their personal growth. It may be difficult to digest disapproval from others when immense volume of effort has been poured into their work. However, critisism act as a checkpoint allowing us to discover areas in which we are lacking. This enables us to rectify our errors and further work on it, amplifying the quality of our work. Hence, instead of taking others remarks personally we should gather the key points from their statement and put it to good use.

Ability to deal with negative feedback is important for your career - this will help you to improve yourself or do not care about the feedback which is not based on facts. I can split negative feedback by two attributes: Emotional /factual feedback. Some times it is not your fault, however you will receive a portion of negativity. Ability to cope with it and stay calm will not only help you to save emotions and nerves, but will present you as a grown person, who can deal with emotions. Ability to separate this feedbacks will help you to grow as a person and member of a team

Feedback is a gift. So lean in with curiosity. Most people who are courageous enough to give you feedback have positive intent. See the good in what they’re trying to help you with, and recognize they usually are trying to help you become your best.

Seeking clarity is utmost important. Ask, discuss, clarify. Be clear with why was a point mentioned and how it can be modified, rectified and come to a solution.

Criticism can be challenging to hear, especially when you work very hard and pour your heart into everything you do. The best thing you can do is to try to understand the key points the person giving the feedback is trying to make, and understand the impact of those points. Even if you don’t agree, perception is reality. So try to think about the other person’s perception, and how you can make adjustments to shift that perception so they can see the results that you work so hard to achieve.

Ask clarifying questions to ensure a thorough understanding of the feedback received. Demonstrate engagement in the conversation by seeking clarity on specific points. Show commitment to addressing concerns by actively clarifying feedback. Prevent misunderstandings and unnecessary conflict through clear communication. Establish mutual understanding before discussing potential solutions. Use clarification as a tool to foster productive dialogue and problem-solving.

Taking this a step further, I'd say aim for asking open-ended questions. Your goal is to get as much as possible out of the interaction and to understand the core reason for having it in the first place. Asking questions that require more that a simple yes or no answer will help the other party elaborate on their points while providing you with higher quality constructive feedback.

Simply say “Help me understand what you mean by….” Then shut up and listen. Most of the time we hear what we want to hear and either get triggered or formulate our response whilst they’re still talking. Breathe. Be curious. Learn. There is no fixing to be done.

Receiving feedback that doesn’t feel good and reacting to it immediately. Pause, take a breath and prepare to sit with this information. If you are able to, go ahead and remove yourself from the source of the feedback as soon as you reasonably can. There’s nothing wrong with saying something like “I want to take some space to think about this before I respond.” Taking time to spend some time processing this so you can develop the right plan forward. Give yourself some time and support for processing your feelings. Wherever you go, use the time and space to move through feeling fearful, threatened, betrayed or wounded – a necessary step before you can move toward constructive action.

As I’ve grown in my career, feedback both positive and/or perceived negative helps me to determine any “patterns” in my work performance and behavior. As a Project Manager, my thought process immediately goes to the process to determine all factors involved and either implement ways to change, improve, lean or eliminate.

The most important aspect is to understand whether that negative feedback can be construed as constructive or someone is trying to put you down in front of peers and colleagues. Once that has been identified the appropriate response in the former scenario is to approach the person and communicate about the bottle necks faced by you to arrive at a solution to improve on it. Incase of the latter, ignorance is bliss but do not allow anyone to push you around. Assert yourself by responding & calling out their toxic behaviour. Although it is easier said than done, however don’t give anyone else the right to make comments about you in a negative light.

Responding thoughtfully to negative feedback is crucial. Acknowledge the points made and express your willingness to improve. If you disagree with some aspects, present your perspective politely, providing context to clarify your viewpoint. A balanced response builds mutual respect and demonstrates your openness to dialogue, essential for resolving issues and progressing constructively. This approach helps maintain a positive environment and fosters ongoing collaboration.

Respond thoughtfully to negative feedback by acknowledging the points raised. Express a genuine willingness to improve based on the feedback received. If you disagree, present your perspective politely and provide context. Maintain a balanced response to foster mutual respect and open dialogue. Show receptiveness to constructive criticism and a commitment to growth. Use feedback as an opportunity to strengthen relationships and resolve issues constructively.

I suggest taking some time before responding to feedback. Even in a conversation, we can say, ‘Thank you for your feedback. Please allow me some time to think it over and revert.’ This approach gives us the necessary space to lower our defenses, thoughtfully consider what we can learn from the feedback, and determine the best way to respond.

Re: Managing negative feedback by responding appropriately. You can respond appropriately by not taking things personally. Sometimes, hearing negative things about yourself can trigger a Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fumble response through the Sympathetic Nervous System. Be aware of how your body works in such situations. Have an internal dialogue that asks your mind: "What is resonnating inside of me that is causing such feelings to come up?". Don't react irrationally through the back brain; you can't take words back. Research the Johari Window, because it's a great tool that explains that you don't see certain things in yourself that other people can see. It's called the 'Blind Self'. Accept that there is always room to grow! That's life!

Focus on actionable steps to address the feedback. Discuss potential solutions with the feedback provider and show a commitment to making positive changes moving forward.

During feedback, focus on identifying areas where you can improve. Seek advice or ask questions about specific aspects that require change, then break this feedback into actionable items. Be mindful of the need to work on these areas and regularly check in with the feedback giver to monitor your progress. This approach not only helps you track your development but also allows for reflection on the feedback over time

Take A Beat! In the face of negative feedback, it is difficult to not get emotional. Attending critiques at FIT helped toughen me up, but in reality, no one likes receiving negative feedback, no matter how constructive in nature. That’s why taking a moment may be the best course of action. Simply thank your manager for bringing this to your attention. Ask for a time to revisit the discussion, after you have had the time to reflect on the feedback. Within that next meeting, be prepared to share ideas toward addressing a solution or ask your manager for their input on how to proceed. You will feel more confident addressing the issue when it is not a fresh sting.

One thing I've noticed is that most of the companies I've applied to give me an interview only to tell me that I was passed over by a more qualified candidate. This is a form letter, one school district has sent me more than a dozen and I've kept them all in a file. I'd like to move forward against that one with legal action as one of these candidates that got hired was 30 years younger with zero experience. While I took a soft retirement after over 35 years of verified experience. Does anyone know what my next occupation will be? I don't think they are looking at my work history, I believe what they're doing is age discrimination.

When negative feedback is delivered properly it is a gift. Receiving negative feedback allows us to strengthen multiple muscles. Growth and executive maturity is the ability to receive the feedback and take into consideration as you move forward. Growth is also assuming positive intent and being productive in the dialogue, not defensive. I've delivered negative feedback and received it and I've come to respect the leaders who were invested in my growth that they had the hard conversations with me. Sometimes the growth is in managing reactions, not ruminating and moving forward with integrity.

Negative - constructive feedback is one the most effective ways to work on development areas. Thus, instead of accepting it as a criticism, we should carefully analyze given feedback. If it communicated in a proper way, the result is almost always positive. Because while improving yourself, there is a constant need for objective opinions from outside.

Avoid Immediate Reactions Pause Before Responding: Take a moment to process the feedback before replying. This helps prevent a defensive response. Reflect on the Feedback: Consider the validity of the feedback and how it applies to you.

Feedback is a gift. It’s important to remember that feedback is subjective—it’s just one person’s perspective. But it’s still valuable. In quality management, for example, understanding the voice of the customer helps us see what’s working and what needs fixing. The same goes for personal feedback. Staying calm and listening fully shows respect. We all have blind spots. Great leaders stay humble and open, making it safe for everyone to share and grow together.