Here's how you can assertively communicate without being aggressive.

Understanding the difference between assertive and aggressive communication is one thing, but building the confidence to practice assertive communication is crucial. It’s sometimes easier to nod and avoid conflict rather than clearly express what you want to communicate. However, being a leader means constructively voicing your thoughts to make an impact. For me, starting with just one assertive conversation can make a difference. Once you deliver your message assertively, you'll be amazed at how much less conscious you feel the second time, and it becomes easier with each subsequent conversation.

Another term for assertive is confident. Sometimes the lack of communicating our thoughts and perspective can be due to a company culture where the leaders don't encourage feedback, although I am finding it is more with the individual and his/her perspective on communication techniques in a conversation. When we have the perspective that we are being aggressive when we comment and/or add our opinion and insights, most remain silent. Our society tends to want to avoid conflict, yet when we are assertive, it is not about conflict and instead it is a conversation. There are no "difficult" conversations and instead it is when we name them that before we even have them and therefore avoid them to not create conflict.

To communicate assertively without being aggressive, understand assertiveness. Recognize that assertiveness involves expressing your thoughts and needs clearly and respectfully. Use "I" statements to take ownership of your feelings and avoid blaming others. Maintain a calm and steady tone, and ensure your body language is open and confident. Listen actively to others' perspectives and respond with empathy. By balancing firmness with respect, you can assert your position effectively while maintaining positive and constructive interactions.

I practice assertiveness by clearly stating expectations and providing constructive feedback to my team. For instance, during performance reviews, I discuss areas for improvement openly and encourage dialogue to find solutions collaboratively. By maintaining a balance of directness and empathy in communication, I foster a positive work environment where ideas are shared openly and everyone feels valued.

I make sure everyone understands what’s expected by being straightforward about goals and giving helpful feedback. When we set targets for client service, I explain them clearly and listen carefully to what my team thinks. This makes it easier for everyone to share their ideas and concerns, and helps us work well together.

Clarity of communication externally first come being clear internally. This requires self-awareness. Once you're clear, you can then express clearly using language that is unambiguous. It's about being specific and getting to the point.

Precise expression is the cornerstone of assertive communication. It ensures that your message is understood and reduces the likelihood of conflict. Be Specific and Direct: Be specific and direct when expressing your needs or feelings. Avoid vague statements. For example, instead of saying, "I wish I could get some help around here," say, "I need help with this project on Thursday at 2 PM. Can you assist?" Use "I" Statements: Frame your communications around your experiences and feelings with "I" statements. Maintain Appropriate Tone and Body Language: Your tone and body language should match your words. Maintain eye contact, use a firm but friendly tone, and keep your posture open and approachable.

Be short and precise. Excessively long explanations or multiple repetitions, even with different words, should be avoided. Otherwise the core message is often lost. Possible follow-up questions can then lead to further details.

I practice active listening by giving my full attention to team members during meetings or one-on-one discussions. When a team member raised concerns about client expectations recently, I listened attentively, paraphrased their points to show understanding, and asked clarifying questions. This approach helped us address the issue collaboratively and find a solution that satisfied both the client and the team member.

Most work of communication is in listening. Listening to someone means understanding their world. This is an active process giving eye contact, your presence and energy. It's not being in your own head about how you'd respond. It's deeply listening to their words and taking the space necessary to understand them by asking appropriate questions about areas you understand the least.

Como Referente de recursos humanos una de las competencias que es indispensable desarrollar es la escucha activa. Ser y estar para el otro, sin prejuicios, creando un vinculo, donde el respeto, la mirada y la corporalidad sean receptivas.

One thing I find helpful in active listening, beyond being present, and genuinely focused on the other person, is to use phrases that begin with a request rather than a command. For instance, 'would you be willing to tell me more about that?' Rather than, 'tell me more.' Those who are sharing with us, especially if they are in an upset or vulnerable place, will often respond more openly if they feel invited to share more rather than required to.

- Focus on the speaker, avoiding distractions like your phone or surroundings. - Show you're engaged and interested in the conversation. - Nod, use facial expressions, and utter brief responses like "uh-huh" or "I see" to show you're following along. - Repeat back what you've heard in your own words, ensuring you understand the message. - Encourage the speaker to share more information by asking questions that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no". - Let the speaker finish their thoughts before responding. - Acknowledge the speaker's feelings and perspectives, even if you don't agree with them. - Writing down key points can help you remember important details and show you're taking the conversation seriously.

The ability to regulate your nervous system and communicate the root of an issue with clarity becomes increasingly important the larger a company grows. Leaders have a direct psychological impact on their team via mechanism called “limbic resonance.” Essentially, human beings pick up on each other’s mental state. When someone is perceived as a leader, your team will often match your level of psychological arousal. So expecting your team to be calm, when you aren’t, is unreasonable. For myself, practices that regulate my nervous system such as meditation, taking breaks to breathe between meetings, and being mindful to focus on being effective rather than busy all contribute to a culture of calm that extends through my company.

- Before responding, inhale deeply and exhale slowly to calm your nerves. - Pause for a moment to collect your thoughts and avoid reacting impulsively. - Encourage yourself with positive affirmations, such as "I can handle this" or "I'm in control". - Separate the problem from the individual and avoid personal attacks or criticisms. - Express your feelings and needs using "I" statements, which help to avoid blame and defensiveness. - Clearly define your limits and expectations to avoid feeling overwhelmed or resentful. - Focus on the current conversation and avoid dwelling on past conflicts or worries about the future.

I stay calm by taking a moment to gather my thoughts before responding to a difficult client or team issue. For instance, during a tense client meeting where expectations weren't aligned, I remained composed, listened attentively to their concerns, and calmly explained our approach to resolve the issue. This approach helped de-escalate tensions and allowed us to find a mutually agreeable solution. By staying calm, I demonstrate leadership and professionalism, ensuring productive communication and positive outcomes for all involved.

Staying calm is what separates the greatest of leaders and communicators from the good ones. It requires emotional intelligence and emotional regulation. It requires mastering your own mind in the given moment when the pressures may be high. Calm energy is contagious in a high pressure situation. When you are calm, others naturally gravitate toward you to lead. They become calm. There's greater clarity of thought and higher performance as we result.

Uno de los ejercicios que mejor han resultado en el inicio de las conversaciones es antes de comenzar, realizar tres respiraciones profundas, despejar de pensamientos la mente y centrarme en el aquí y ahora

I set boundaries by clearly defining expectations and limits for client interactions and team responsibilities. For example, I establish specific office hours for client meetings and communicate these boundaries to clients and team members alike. This ensures everyone understands when and how they can access my time and resources effectively.

Boundaries keep the conversation constructive and solution-focused. It's important to clearly communicate boundaries up front and bring it up when boundaries are crossed.

Setting clear boundaries helps others understand your limits and respects your space and time. Define Your Limits: Know and define your physical, emotional, and mental limits. Understanding these will help you communicate them clearly when necessary. Communicate Boundaries Clearly: Once you know your limits, communicate them clearly and respectfully. For example, if you cannot do extra work, explain this directly: "I cannot take on another project this month without compromising the quality of my current commitments." Be Consistent: Consistency is key in boundary-setting. Uphold your boundaries consistently to teach others what to expect from you. This consistency helps build respect and understanding between you and others.

When facilitating workshops on communication skills, I am often looking to push people outside of their comfort zone so that they have to stretch. When working with participants that don't feel comfortable with communicating in a direct, assertive way, it is crucial to create a low stakes environment in which they feel comfortable to play and have a go! Finding small opportunities to stretch outside of your comfort zone is an amazing starting point. I often encourage people to start out simply by ordering a coffee differently and building up from there!

Being present to the fact that we are all evolving and no one gets great at anything without practice, set backs, recovery, and more practice. Having the mindset of, 'I can always improve,' 'always grow,' 'always room to learn,' will keep complacency and inflated confidence in check. As humans it is easy to feel protective of our 'knowing' so we are perceived as in control and intelligent. What is more valuable in communication and relationships however is the trust that builds with effort and humility.

It's great to read tips on assertiveness but, without practicing, you won't get any better. If you're not used to being assertive, it's going to feel very uncomfortable at first. You might stumble over your words or get worked up. That's ok! The more you practice, the easier and more natural it will become. The important thing is to start.

From my experience, honing emotional control and selecting an appropriate communication style with thoughtfully chosen words are vital skills for effective assertive communication. Initially, it's imperative to comprehend both our own style and that of our interlocutors. Subsequently, clarity regarding the primary objectives and concentrating on mutually agreed outcomes is essential. Hope these are helpful for you.

Para comunicarte de forma asertiva sin ser agresivo, se claro y directo en tus mensajes. Usa frases en primera persona como "Yo siento" o "Yo necesito" para expresar tus pensamientos y necesidades sin culpar. Mantén un tono de voz calmado, evitando alzar la voz o usar lenguaje corporal agresivo. Practica la escucha activa, prestando atención a lo que la otra persona dice sin interrumpir, y muestra empatía para entender su perspectiva. Respeta los límites de los demás y evita el lenguaje acusatorio. En lugar de decir "Tú siempre" o "Tú nunca", enfócate en cómo te afectan sus acciones específicas. Ofrece soluciones constructivas y busca compromisos, mostrando disposición para colaborar. Mantén el contacto visual y utiliza gestos abiertos.

Assertive communication is much easier when staying present to 'not knowing.' Not knowing where the speaker is coming from. Not knowing the history that may have led to this exact moment. Not knowing that we don't know! Often unproductive communication approaches happen because someone assumes to know what another person is thinking, what led them to the moment, what they should and ought to think. Assertive communication works well when the underlying approach comes from curiosity, 'what can I learn here that will help us move forward positively?