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You’re working with a difficult colleague. How can you build a positive relationship?

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Working with a difficult colleague can be challenging and frustrating, especially in software engineering, where collaboration and communication are essential. However, you don't have to let a negative relationship affect your performance, morale, or career. Here are some tips on how to build a positive relationship with a difficult colleague and improve your work environment.

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Priyanka Agarwal

Project Manager@ Bizom l Ex-happay
Mariana Boboc

People Enthusiast with experience in HR, Purchase and many (international) projects
Debashish Dhar

Deputy Manager | Stakeholder Relations, Training Plans, Customer Success

1 Identify the source of conflict

The first step to building a positive relationship is to understand what is causing the friction between you and your colleague. Is it a personality clash, a difference in work styles, a misunderstanding, or a lack of respect? Try to empathize with their perspective and see if you can find any common ground. Avoid making assumptions or judgments, and instead focus on facts and behaviors.

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Mariana Boboc

People Enthusiast with experience in HR, Purchase and many (international) projects
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First I think we should check why is that colleague difficult to work with. Maybe the problem is on your side and you should solve it somehow and see if is something that needs to be addressed to him. Communication, openness and respect I believe are the key components to any relationship. And to understand that everybody is different in their own way, respect it and try to find a way to go around it. Instead of trying to change somebody or the world, start with you and your perspective over how you see and approach things.

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2 Communicate clearly and respectfully

The second step is to communicate with your colleague in a clear and respectful way. Avoid passive-aggressive, sarcastic, or rude remarks, and instead use positive and constructive language. Express your needs, expectations, and feedback in a polite and direct manner, and listen actively to their response. Acknowledge their point of view, and try to find a solution that works for both of you. If possible, communicate face-to-face or via video call, as emails or texts can be misinterpreted or ignored.

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Debashish Dhar

Deputy Manager | Stakeholder Relations, Training Plans, Customer Success
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My thoughts are as follows a. Be non judgemental and open whenever talk B. Try to see opposite person's perspective also c. Communicate and communicate D. If it doesn't help then set clear boundaries and expectations e. Even if doesn't help escalate to next level with proper thoughts

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Marcela Inés Pérez

LICENCIADA EN RELACIONES DEL TRABAJO
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Con un tono de voz imparcial, argumentos sólidos y demostrando interés en la resolución de temas laborales en común, sin seguirle la corriente ni intervenir en comentarios que el colega pueda hacerte para llevarte a su terreno de conflictividad: Ganaras en tranquilidad e interacción laboral

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3 Set boundaries and expectations

The third step is to set boundaries and expectations with your colleague, especially if you have to work on a project or task together. Define your roles, responsibilities, and goals, and agree on how you will communicate, collaborate, and resolve issues. Establish some ground rules for how you will treat each other, and respect each other's time, space, and preferences. If you encounter any problems, address them promptly and professionally, and avoid escalating or involving others unnecessarily.

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4 Focus on the positive aspects

The fourth step is to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship with your colleague, rather than dwelling on the negative ones. Recognize their strengths, skills, and contributions, and appreciate their efforts and achievements. Give them praise, feedback, and support when appropriate, and show them that you value their work and input. Try to find some common interests or hobbies that you can bond over, and engage in some friendly and casual conversation.

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Raymond Lim

Highly Driven Advisor | Workplace Strategy | Operational Excellence | Project Management
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Approaching difficult situations with a positive mindset has allowed me to transform potential conflicts into constructive dialogues. It’s about seeking to understand before being understood. By actively listening and showing empathy, I’ve often found common ground with colleagues, leading to productive and collaborative outcomes. Moreover, these experiences have been instrumental in molding my character. They’ve taught me the importance of adaptability, patience, and maintaining a positive outlook, even in challenging situations. Reflecting on these encounters, I realize that each one has contributed to my growth as a professional and as an individual.

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5 Seek help if needed

The fifth step is to seek help if needed, if the situation becomes unbearable or affects your well-being or productivity. Talk to your manager, mentor, or HR representative, and explain the situation calmly and objectively. Provide specific examples of how your colleague's behavior is impacting your work, and ask for their advice or intervention. Don't vent to other colleagues or gossip about your colleague, as this can damage your reputation and create more tension.

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6 Keep an open mind and attitude

The sixth step is to keep an open mind and attitude towards your colleague, and be willing to adapt and compromise. Remember that everyone has their own strengths, weaknesses, preferences, and motivations, and that diversity can be beneficial for software engineering. Try to learn from your colleague, and appreciate their different perspective and approach. Be respectful, courteous, and professional, and treat them as you would like to be treated.

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Priyanka Agarwal

Project Manager@ Bizom l Ex-happay
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This is very important. Every one has their own response pattern and understanding. We cannot assume a response to our liking. We need to always maintain a line in our verbal or written communication.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Jessica Utter

Joy Bringer, Outside the Box Thinker, Uniquely Gifted, Intuitive, Initiative Oriented
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Be authentic and transparent. People can tell if you’re blowing smoke. Have every single member of leadership read The Energy Bus and implement these strategies because it really does promote positivity.

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You’re working with a difficult colleague. How can you build a positive relationship?

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1 Identify the source of conflict

2 Communicate clearly and respectfully

3 Set boundaries and expectations

4 Focus on the positive aspects

5 Seek help if needed

6 Keep an open mind and attitude

7 Here’s what else to consider

Software Engineering

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