You're coaching an executive client who reacts emotionally. How do you handle the situation effectively?

I once actually worked with someone who did not show much emotions, would be saying yes to any feedback - from 360 reviews, or anything. Guess what? Yep, the person actually was not committed to learn as she thought all these 360s are nonsense. Emotional reaction is not a bad thing to avoid - the client is opening a door for us to see their world inside. Follow the gut feeling when the gate is opening, even if it is only a small opening. Create a space, hold that emotion carefully, listening to understand and investigate, reflect with the client, and go through that emotions to find a way forward. All the while, maintain own composure and presence. Humans are emotional beings, don't waste that opportunity for potential transformation.

Having data points and relevancy based interaction has helped me in past. Executives as we are...run by data to take key decisions. Marry that with your perspective and it will strike the chord

When coaching an executive client who reacts emotionally to feedback, it's important to create a safe and supportive environment. Begin by acknowledging their emotions and validating their perspective. Encourage them to take a moment to breathe and compose themselves. Then, guide them to reflect on the feedback objectively, focusing on specific behaviors or outcomes rather than personalizing the critique. Help them explore underlying reasons for their emotional response and brainstorm alternative interpretations or solutions. By fostering a constructive dialogue and emphasizing growth over criticism, you can help the executive client manage their emotions and leverage feedback more effectively.

Everything somebody says has at least three layers: on the outside we hear the content. That's layer one. There's also a reason why someone says what he or she says: the motivation, layer two. Layer three is the most important one when it comes to executieve coaching, for the coachee is not always fully aware he's expressing this as well: the emotion. Reflecting what your coachee is expressing is the most powerful thing you can do at that moment. Just state what you see: "You're raising your voice," or "I see tears in your eyes," or "You're shaking your leg suddenly". No judgments, stay neuter. The coachee will become aware of the emotion. And after some time, when calmed down, will explain why this emotion occurred (layer two).

When coaching an executive client who reacts emotionally, it's essential to stay calm and composed. Begin by listening actively and empathetically to understand their perspective and concerns. Validate their feelings without judgment, demonstrating that you acknowledge their emotions. Use open-ended questions to encourage them to express themselves fully. Once they've had the opportunity to vent, guide the conversation toward constructive solutions. Offer practical advice and strategies to address the root cause of their emotional response. Maintaining a supportive and non-judgemental demeanor helps build trust and fosters a more productive coaching relationship.

I disagree with suggesting to take deep breaths (it might make it worse) or “diffuse”. There is nothing to fix in that moment, it’s all as it should be. When an emotion arises, make sure you slow down and become 110% present for your client. Self manage.It’s not about you so notice if you feel uncomfortable and you feel the urge to diffuse and push that urge aside. Ask for permission to explore that emotion with them. If they are trying to get away from the emotion and back into their heads, invite them to stay a little longer and ask them to use a metaphor. For example “what kind of weather would your emotion be?”. People are naturally creative resourceful and whole ??

It is a lot about holding the space in process coaching. The client is creative resourceful and whole and processing emotions is a very powerful and deep learning place. When emotions show up, rather than diffusing intensity, I invite my clients to live, experience and explain this emotion in our safe space. When the emotion shifts naturally wisdom follows and the unlearning starts to happen.

Emotions aren't personal. And reacting emotionally isn't always a bad thing. Think about it: when coworkers respond with enthusiasm, support, or excitement about a project, you don't see that as a problem. Yet, they're responding emotionally. However, when there is anger, sadness, or other emotions that are perceived as "negative" or uncomfortable, we're not always sure what to do with that. Emotions are information about what the other person is experiencing and where they're coming from. When you understand that, it's easier to hear everything the person is saying rather than focusing on how they're saying it. When you validate their experience and remain calm, you'll both be equipped to move forward in resolving the situation.

A leader reacting emotionally could be an indication of transference or countertransference at play. Transference occurs when the leader unconsciously redirects feelings and attitudes from past relationships or experiences onto the coach. For example, if the leader has unresolved issues with authority figures, they might project those feelings onto the coach, treating them as they would treat a parent, teacher, or past boss. Countertransference happens when the coach unconsciously projects their own unresolved feelings or attitudes onto the leader. For instance, if the coach has had negative experiences with certain personality types, they might react emotionally which could influence their behavior and approach during the session.

When coaching a client who reacts emotionally sometimes the best thing to do is sit with the silence. Give that client the space to fully process what he or she is thinking. And then, remain curious. Ask clarifying questions to help the client get to the root of the emotion. These are great things to practice in all conversations not just with people who’ve gotten emotional. The greatest gift of all is to be truly heard.

Executives are humans as any other with their blind spots and emotions as well. Emotional reaction is a sign that client is close something meaningful. As a coach you should mirror back with empathy what you heard and inquire what is the hidden emotion, where the client feels it in their body, in which situations this will happen etc. Coach should support client self-awareness increase, discover the patterns and empower to find solution for underling issue.

In the coach / business relationship, emotions can be like wild beasts, untamed and unpredictable. As an executive coach, I've learned that rational reframing can be highly effective in calming situation. It's about helping clients separate the facts from their feelings, like sorting wheat from chaff. Guiding them to consider alternative viewpoints is akin to diversifying an investment portfolio. It's not about dismissing their emotions, but rather expanding their perspective. This cognitive restructuring is like upgrading their mental software, leading to more constructive behaviours and outcomes.

When does a client react emotionally or perhaps even better still when is their reaction not emotional. While we pretend to be rational beings most of what we do and think is driven by our emotions. If a coachee is sounding completely rational I might ask about their emotions. If they show their emotions - we bring that into the conversation. And just like I would be noticing how I’m responding to their logic I will also register how I respond to their emotions. Do I feel them too. Do they impact me. If so how. Can I share that in a way that adds to the richness of the dialogue. The question posed here seems to assume emotions are not a part of our work. I’d hope that I’d make clear to my coachee that they are welcome as a whole person.

Handling an Emotionally Reactive Executive Client: Establish Emotional Ground Rules: Set expectations for respectful communication and emotional expression. Reflective Listening: Validate the client's emotions by mirroring feelings and paraphrasing concerns. Emotional Labeling: Help the client identify and articulate their emotions accurately. Introduce Mindfulness Techniques: Encourage practices like deep breathing to manage emotional triggers. Reframe Negative Emotions: Shift focus from emotional reaction to constructive action. Develop Coping Strategies: Create personalized strategies for managing emotional responses. Follow Up on Triggers: Identify and address specific emotional triggers proactively.