Your coworker isn't respecting your expertise. How can you make them listen?

1 Identify the root cause

The first step is to understand why your coworker is not respecting your expertise. Is it because they have a different background, perspective, or goal than you? Is it because they feel insecure, threatened, or competitive with you? Is it because they have a personal issue with you or your style? By identifying the root cause, you can tailor your communication and feedback strategies accordingly.

2 Choose your battles

Not every disagreement or criticism from your coworker is worth engaging in. Sometimes, it's better to let go of minor issues and focus on the bigger picture. Choose your battles wisely and avoid getting into unnecessary conflicts that can damage your relationship and productivity. Pick the issues that are most important for the quality, functionality, and usability of the system and address them calmly and constructively.

3 Use evidence and examples

One of the best ways to make your coworker listen to your expertise is to back up your claims with evidence and examples. Show them the data, the code, the tests, or the user feedback that support your decisions and recommendations. Explain how your approach aligns with the system requirements, specifications, and standards. Demonstrate how your solution solves a problem, improves a feature, or adds value to the system.

4 Seek a third party opinion

If you and your coworker can't reach an agreement or compromise on a system development issue, you may need to seek a third party opinion. This could be your manager, a senior developer, a client, or a user. Ask them to review your work and provide their feedback and suggestions. This can help you resolve the impasse, validate your expertise, and expose any flaws or biases in your coworker's arguments.

5 Be respectful and professional

No matter how frustrating or annoying your coworker is, you should always maintain a respectful and professional attitude. Don't resort to personal attacks, insults, or sarcasm. Don't raise your voice, interrupt, or dismiss your coworker. Don't gossip, complain, or vent about your coworker to others. Instead, treat your coworker as a valued member of the team and acknowledge their contributions and strengths. Show them that you're willing to listen, learn, and collaborate with them.

6 Set boundaries and expectations

Finally, you need to set clear boundaries and expectations with your coworker regarding your roles, responsibilities, and authority in the system development process. Communicate what you expect from them and what they can expect from you. Define how you will share information, feedback, and resources. Establish how you will handle conflicts, disagreements, and errors. By setting boundaries and expectations, you can reduce misunderstandings, confusion, and resentment between you and your coworker.