What are some ways to build trust and rapport with coworkers?

Fostering trust and transparency at work can feel like a catch-22. You need transparency to build trust, yet trust is essential for being transparent. The fix? Start small. When I work with diverse teams, we co-create a shared charter outlining how the team chooses to be together. Terms like trust, openness, and transparency naturally emerge, setting the stage for a psychologically safe environment. After successful low-risk shares, we take it to the next level. Everyone anonymously writes three strengths and areas for improvement on index cards for all teammates. Cards are exchanged, read aloud, and discussed. The leader goes first to model openness and vulnerability. Trust and rapport grow as the group navigates this process together.

Authenticity and transparency are the cornerstones of strong workplace relationships. Your insights on respecting and valuing coworkers as individuals and creating mutual understanding through openness are spot on. It's about fostering an environment of trust and collaboration.

One obstacle to active listening is the tendency to equate self-examples with proof that they are listening. For example, your colleague tells you about a challenging experience they had on a project, and you respond with, "Yeah, I know what you mean...I experienced blah blah blah." In focusing on your experience, the person you are "listening to" feels less seen and heard. You've made the conversation about you instead of about them. An effective solution is to keep the focus all about THEM. Instead of sharing your own story, ask open-ended questions to understand theirs better. Don't cling to what you want to say; be fully present for the person's story. Trust and rapport skyrocket when others feel you truly see and hear them.

Your feedback must be heard and received to be effective. I like to frame feedback with three statements: "I like," "I wish," and "I wonder." Let's imagine that you've worked hard on a proposal and your director believes it undersells the team: Unframed Approach: "What have you been doing these weeks? This proposal is unusable!" Ouch. Message received: "I suck and do nothing right." "Like/Wish/Wonder" Approach: "I like the design direction of this proposal. I wish there was more clarity in section two on why we're the right team for this client. I wonder how that message could come through more strongly on the page..." Yay! Message received: "I got some things right, and here's an opportunity to make section two even better!"

Effective feedback is vital for growth and improvement and must be delivered thoughtfully. Instead of a harsh approach, try framing feedback with three statements: "I like," "I wish," and "I wonder." For instance, if you've worked hard on a proposal and your director believes it undersells the team: Harsh Approach: "What have you been doing these last few weeks? This proposal is unusable!" This approach demoralizes and provides no helpful information. Now consider "Like/Wish/Wonder": "I really like the design direction of this proposal. I wish section two had more clarity on why we're the right team, though. I wonder how we could amplify that message's impact there..." This constructive feedback uplifts and encourages collaboration.

Appreciation and recognition are more than "tools" in your trust building kit. When genuine, appreciation and recognition can become powerful moments of connection and relationship between people. Think of a time when someone recognized your work but it was clear they were checking a box rather than expressing appreciation. Did you scoff at it? Think "yeah, sure, whatever," or roll your eyes? Odds are good your coworkers respond that way, too. Now think of how genuine appreciation makes you feel. Sure, we might feel awkward or embarrassed because we don't know what to do in that moment, but we KNOW the person means what they say and that means something to us. It touches our heart and has us feeling appreciation and gratitude in return.

Treat them as people, not 'Human Resources' or 'Human Capital'. Leadership is not in the person, nor in the position...it is in the relationships that form...

It was mentioned in passing at the end of this article section, but it makes ALL the difference. Express GENUINE appreciation and recognition. Humans have great built-in BS detectors. We can tell when someone means what they say and when they're just saying something to be polite. When appreciation is perfunctory, we hear it. When appreciation is heartfelt, we feel it. Remember, your organization may want to operate like a machine but it's comprised of people. The best way to cultivate trust and rapport in this environment is to be person-centric. Connect as human beings rather than roles. PEOPLE trust. PEOPLE build rapport. PEOPLE work in your organization. Treat them as such. (Patrick Trottier, I'm with you!)

Pro Tip: If you want to foster trust and rapport with your coworkers, read Lencioni's "The Five Dysfunctions of a Team" and pay particular attention to his pyramid: A lack of trust fosters a fear of conflict (not safe to speak up!), which leads to a lack of commitment (I never agreed to this!), which leads to a lack of accountability (Not my circus, not my monkeys!), which culminates in inattention to results (Not my fault this thing failed!). When trust is present, it's safer to engage in healthy conflict and challenge ideas. Having been heard, it's easier to commit to decisions. Now folks can hold each other accountable to their commitments and achieve better results through collaboration and cooperation. It really works!

The respectful resolution of conflict can often become the basis for a positive common bond between the individuals involved. This offers a powerful incentive for finding respectful grounds on which to close a matter. While it can be tempting to take the seemingly easy path of dismissal and disrespect, the risk ongoing pain and regret is high. The healing of a broken bone can be instructive here. A properly set break will heal in a healthy way that forms a new structural bond that tends to become stronger than the original bone itself. Rarely does a bone ever break in that exact spot again because of the new bond. So it can be with human relationships when the wise choices made to find a respectful ending to a matter of conflict.

All the behaviors mentioned are challenging, even in basically stable and supportive environments, because they require us to be vulnerable. Individually, as a single employee, we often do not have the power to create the environments we may find ourselves in. In hostile environments, the courage to be vulnerable increases, and being vulnerable can even be harmful to oneself. As we attempt to enter into organizational change, we need to be mindful of the impact on those in the organization who are the least emplowered.