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What are some effective ways to handle a negotiation that is becoming personal?

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Negotiation is a vital skill in business communication, but it can also be challenging and stressful. Sometimes, emotions can get in the way of reaching a mutually beneficial agreement, and the negotiation can become personal. This can damage the relationship between the parties, lower the quality of the outcome, and increase the risk of conflict. How can you handle a negotiation that is becoming personal and keep it professional and productive? Here are some effective ways to do so.

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Allan T.

International Negotiation Coach for Business Owners and Executive Teams

1 Focus on interests, not positions

One of the main causes of personalization in negotiation is when the parties focus on their positions, or what they want, rather than their interests, or why they want it. Positions are often rigid and incompatible, while interests are more flexible and diverse. By shifting the focus from positions to interests, you can avoid making the negotiation a zero-sum game, where one side wins and the other loses. Instead, you can explore the underlying needs, motivations, and concerns of both parties, and look for common ground and creative solutions.

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José Sabino Alejandro R.

CEO 8 Bits MX | Analista de Datos | Python | Power Bi | Javascript | PHP | RPA | WordPress | Google ADS | SEO | SQL | After Effects ??????
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Como primer paso es mantener la calma y poner sobre la balanza los intereses, no porque seas un gerente siempre estarás en lo correcto.

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2 Use active listening and empathy

Another way to prevent or reduce personalization in negotiation is to use active listening and empathy. Active listening means paying attention to what the other party is saying, asking clarifying questions, paraphrasing their points, and acknowledging their feelings. Empathy means trying to understand the other party's perspective, emotions, and values, without judging or agreeing with them. By using active listening and empathy, you can show respect and rapport, build trust and credibility, and reduce defensiveness and hostility. You can also gain more information and insight into the other party's interests and needs.

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Dr. Prasanth Nair

Ph.D. in HRM ? Agile & Strategic HR Leader ? Global Talent Acquisition ? Performance & Retention Management ? HR Transformation ? Training & Development
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Even when conversations turn personal, negotiations must remain professional and helpful. Active listening and empathy are crucial communication tactics for such situations. Actively listening to the other side shows a genuine interest in their opinion. Empathy and acknowledging their concerns can reduce stress and improve collaboration. Focusing on the ideas rather than personalising the negotiation will help you reach common ground and goals. This technique reduces friction and improves negotiation, allowing both parties to reach a mutually beneficial agreement while maintaining professionalism.

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3 Manage your emotions and reactions

A third way to handle a negotiation that is becoming personal is to manage your own emotions and reactions. Negotiation can trigger strong emotions, such as anger, frustration, fear, or anxiety, which can impair your judgment, communication, and decision-making. To manage your emotions, you need to be aware of them, label them, and regulate them. You can use techniques such as breathing, relaxation, self-talk, or reframing to calm yourself down and cope with negative emotions. You also need to manage your reactions, or how you express your emotions. You can use techniques such as assertiveness, politeness, or humor to communicate your emotions in a constructive and respectful way.

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4 Separate the person from the problem

A fourth way to handle a negotiation that is becoming personal is to separate the person from the problem. This means that you should not view the other party as your enemy, adversary, or competitor, but as your partner, collaborator, or ally. You should not attack, blame, or criticize the other party personally, but focus on the issues, facts, and criteria that are relevant to the negotiation. You should also not take the other party's behavior or statements personally, but try to understand the reasons behind them. By separating the person from the problem, you can avoid escalating the conflict, maintain a positive relationship, and enhance the chances of reaching a win-win agreement.

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José Sabino Alejandro R.

CEO 8 Bits MX | Analista de Datos | Python | Power Bi | Javascript | PHP | RPA | WordPress | Google ADS | SEO | SQL | After Effects ??????
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Claro se debe contar con humildad para saber reconocer cuando la otra parte esta en lo correcto, y separar las emociones de los problemas.

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5 Seek external assistance or mediation

A fifth way to handle a negotiation that is becoming personal is to seek external assistance or mediation. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the negotiation may become too personal, emotional, or complex to resolve by yourself. In such cases, you may need to involve a third party, such as a colleague, a manager, a mentor, or a professional mediator, who can help you and the other party overcome the impasse, restore the communication, and facilitate the negotiation. The third party should be neutral, impartial, and trustworthy, and should have the skills and experience to handle the situation. The third party should not impose a solution, but help the parties find their own solution.

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6 Take a break or walk away

A sixth way to handle a negotiation that is becoming personal is to take a break or walk away. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to pause the negotiation, or end it temporarily or permanently, if the situation is too tense, heated, or unproductive. Taking a break can help you and the other party cool off, reflect, and reevaluate your positions and interests. Walking away can help you and the other party protect your interests, values, and dignity, and avoid making concessions or commitments that you may regret later. However, before you take a break or walk away, you should communicate your reasons, expectations, and intentions clearly and respectfully, and leave the door open for future dialogue or negotiation.

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Allan T.

International Negotiation Coach for Business Owners and Executive Teams
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The manner in which we act often matters more than the action itself. Threatening to leave can be effective, but it can escalate the conflict if unexpected. It's best to negotiate this beforehand when emotions might run high. Propose taking a 20-minute break when things get heated. Acknowledge the importance of the issue and the potential for emotions to escalate. Ask for a timeout to cool off. Express curiosity about the other person's intentions when things become personal. Contrary to popular advice, it's crucial to acknowledge and manage emotions. Emotions heavily influence decision-making, so managing them is essential to maintain rationality. This way, the key points are retained without losing the essence of the message.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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What are some effective ways to handle a negotiation that is becoming personal?

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3

4

5

6

7

1 Focus on interests, not positions

2 Use active listening and empathy

3 Manage your emotions and reactions

4 Separate the person from the problem

5 Seek external assistance or mediation

6 Take a break or walk away

7 Here’s what else to consider

Business Communications

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What are some effective ways to handle a negotiation that is becoming personal?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Focus on interests, not positions

2 Use active listening and empathy

3 Manage your emotions and reactions

4 Separate the person from the problem

5 Seek external assistance or mediation

6 Take a break or walk away

7 Here’s what else to consider

Business Communications

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