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What are some common pitfalls to avoid when dealing with resistance or defensiveness?

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As a team facilitator, you may encounter resistance or defensiveness from some of your participants, especially when you are dealing with sensitive or controversial topics. How can you handle these situations without escalating the conflict or losing the trust of the group? In this article, we will explore some common pitfalls to avoid when facing resistance or defensiveness, and offer some tips on how to overcome them.

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Detach your emotions:

Focus on the facts, not feelings, to prevent taking resistance personally. This helps you stay objective and respond constructively, maintaining trust and clarity in your communication.### *Acknowledge and address:Show empathy by listening to concerns and asking open-ended questions. This approach validates their feelings and fosters a collaborative environment, reducing defensiveness.

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Kate Malcomess

Highly skilled Organisational…

1 Pitfall 1: Taking it personally

One of the most common pitfalls to avoid when dealing with resistance or defensiveness is taking it personally. When someone challenges your authority, questions your methods, or expresses their dissatisfaction, you may feel attacked, offended, or hurt. However, this can cloud your judgment and make you react emotionally, instead of responding constructively. To avoid this pitfall, try to detach yourself from the situation and focus on the facts, not the feelings. Remember that resistance or defensiveness is often a sign of fear, insecurity, or misunderstanding, and not a reflection of your competence or character.

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2 Pitfall 2: Ignoring or dismissing it

Another common pitfall to avoid when dealing with resistance or defensiveness is ignoring or dismissing it. When someone shows resistance or defensiveness, you may be tempted to avoid the confrontation, change the subject, or shut them down. However, this can make them feel unheard, invalidated, or disrespected, and increase their resentment or hostility. To avoid this pitfall, try to acknowledge and address the resistance or defensiveness, and show empathy and curiosity. Listen to their concerns, ask open-ended questions, and seek to understand their perspective and needs.

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Dario Bentivegna

Retail Training Specialist
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Addressing pushbacks and negative opinion and comments is a given when facilitating as every delegate experience and comment is valid. The key is to surface the roots of the negativity asking the right questions. We may be able then to deal with some of the objections by reframing the issue that the delegates have or in the worst case scenario give them some 'food for thought' for further reflection or action outside the session.

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3 Pitfall 3: Arguing or blaming

A third common pitfall to avoid when dealing with resistance or defensiveness is arguing or blaming. When someone shows resistance or defensiveness, you may be tempted to defend your position, prove your point, or criticize their behavior. However, this can make them feel attacked, judged, or threatened, and trigger more resistance or defensiveness. To avoid this pitfall, try to avoid using words like "but", "however", or "you", and instead use words like "and", "also", or "we". Focus on finding common ground, building rapport, and collaborating on solutions.

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4 Pitfall 4: Forcing or coercing

A fourth common pitfall to avoid when dealing with resistance or defensiveness is forcing or coercing. When someone shows resistance or defensiveness, you may be tempted to use your power, authority, or influence to pressure them to comply, agree, or change. However, this can make them feel manipulated, controlled, or disempowered, and undermine their autonomy and motivation. To avoid this pitfall, try to avoid using threats, ultimatums, or rewards, and instead use invitations, options, or consequences. Respect their right to choose, express their opinions, and disagree.

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5 Pitfall 5: Giving up or withdrawing

A fifth common pitfall to avoid when dealing with resistance or defensiveness is giving up or withdrawing. When someone shows resistance or defensiveness, you may be tempted to lose hope, confidence, or interest, and disengage from the situation or the person. However, this can make them feel abandoned, rejected, or unimportant, and damage the relationship and the outcomes. To avoid this pitfall, try to maintain your commitment, enthusiasm, and support, and stay connected with the situation and the person. Remind yourself of your purpose, goals, and values, and seek feedback and assistance.

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6 Pitfall 6: Overreacting or escalating

A sixth common pitfall to avoid when dealing with resistance or defensiveness is overreacting or escalating. When someone shows resistance or defensiveness, you may be tempted to respond with anger, frustration, or sarcasm, and raise your voice, use harsh words, or make accusations. However, this can make them feel provoked, humiliated, or intimidated, and fuel more anger, frustration, or sarcasm. To avoid this pitfall, try to control your emotions, tone, and language, and lower your intensity, volume, and speed. Use calm, respectful, and assertive communication, and take a break if needed.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Kate Malcomess

Highly skilled Organisational Consultant, Facilitator, Coach & Collaborative working expert. Care Aims Framework creator.
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I think this is particularly relevant in contexts like Health and Social Care where people are labelled non-compliant or non-concordant with advice or treatment. The power differential in many cases is significant and the capacity of people is often questioned rather than the resistance really heard and understood.

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Nausheen Saumtally

I enable corporate teams to cultivate strong leadership and boost productivity??Trained teams globally??Unlock peak performance through human behavior & communication strategies??
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Another pitfall to avoid is not to treat it in a way that resonated with us. Remember the platinum rule of communication 'treat other as THEY would like to be treated'. Try to read the situation, understand the personality style and use that to address the issue. While it may seem like forcing/coercing for some, some people see it as being good given more power and they thrive that. This is the way their brain is wired. To them it is not forcing or coercing. Again, one size does not fit all.

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What are some common pitfalls to avoid when dealing with resistance or defensiveness?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Pitfall 1: Taking it personally

2 Pitfall 2: Ignoring or dismissing it

3 Pitfall 3: Arguing or blaming

4 Pitfall 4: Forcing or coercing

5 Pitfall 5: Giving up or withdrawing

6 Pitfall 6: Overreacting or escalating

7 Here’s what else to consider

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What are some common pitfalls to avoid when dealing with resistance or defensiveness?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Pitfall 1: Taking it personally

2 Pitfall 2: Ignoring or dismissing it

3 Pitfall 3: Arguing or blaming

4 Pitfall 4: Forcing or coercing

5 Pitfall 5: Giving up or withdrawing

6 Pitfall 6: Overreacting or escalating

7 Here’s what else to consider

Team Facilitation

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